


The Callouses That Lovers Earn

by pandorabox82



Category: Holby City
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Death Fix, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2019-08-14 18:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 72
Words: 94,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16498112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: Henrik was faced with a choice, in the days following his walk into the lake. He could either follow John's advice and not tell Roxanna, pushing her away from him to focus on his studies. Or he could let her in on what he was going through, trusting her to not reject him. This time, he chooses to take that leap of faith in her.





	1. Chapter 1

Henrik sat up in bed, his heart racing from the dream he had been experiencing. John had been in it, as well as Roxanna, and they had been fighting over him. When he had tried to break up the fight, John had pushed him away in order to get at Roxanna once more, and he had watched in horror as his best friend chased off the woman he cared for so deeply. "Now we'll always be together," John had murmured in his ear after he'd returned to his side, and that was what had woken him up. The dread those words caused were enough to tell him that he had made the entirely wrong decision in pushing Roxanna away after his attempt to take his own life.

Glancing over at John's bed, he saw his friend was still sleeping, blissfully unaware of the fact that Henrik was finding himself ready to make a life altering decision. After all, he had no idea how Roxanna would react to what he wanted to tell her. She could very well decide that his issues were too much to deal with, along with her mother, and school, and tell him that she was much better off without him in her life, bringing her down. That had been his greatest fear, which John had done nothing to allay. Shaking his head, Henrik slipped out of his bed and padded over to his dresser, grabbing out a fresh pair of trouser and a sweater.

A quick glance at his watch told him that it was way too early in the morning, but they had always kept odd hours as they worked on their research, and he hoped that this was the case with her that morning. Slipping his feet into loafers, Henrik quickly made his bed before slinging his satchel over his shoulder and making his way from his room. The halls were empty, unsurprisingly, which worked perfectly for Henrik as he slowly made his way out of the dormitory and over to their lab. He needed to think, to ruminate, to lose himself in all the myriad ways that this revelation had to go completely wrong. It wasn't until he was standing outside the door, taking shallow breaths, that he realized he had almost worked himself into a full-blown panic attack.

Resting his palm against the wood of the door, Henrik tried to get control of himself, knowing that Roxanna would be able to read him like a book from the moment she looked at him if he didn't. Once he felt like he looked more normal, he unlocked the door and entered, looking around for Roxanna. She was asleep on the sofa, as she usually was when not working on her research. The blanket had slipped to around her waist, and Henrik crouched next to her, reaching out to brush a piece of hair out of her face. There was something so lovely about the way she slept, and a part of him wanted to be able to see that face every day of his life.

Shaking his head a little, he pulled the blanket up around her chest before sitting on the floor and resting his back against the sofa. Reaching up, he took hold of one of her hands and threaded their fingers together as he let his head thump back against the cushion of the sofa, his eyes closing heavily as waited for her to wake up. It didn't take too long for him to feel her fingers tighten around his, and a sad smile curved his lips upwards as he felt her sit up, her hand never leaving his.

"Henrik?" she asked, sleepy confusion filling her gravelly morning voice. "What time is it?"

"Too early. I couldn't sleep," he said, a feeling of disappointment flooding through his system when she shook her hand free from his. And then, she was sliding off the sofa to sit next to him, her arm curving around his waist as she allowed her head to thump down on his chest.

"I worry about you, Henrik," she said through a yawn, her grip tightening on his waist as she rubbed her cheek against his shirt, obviously trying to make herself more comfortable. "You've been pulling away from me lately, and I've missed talking to you, seeing you after hours in the library, and all that. Have I done something wrong?"

Those words stabbed at his heart, and he shook his head as he brought his hand down to rest on her shoulder. "It wasn't anything that you did, Roxanna. This is completely me and my hang-ups. John suggested that it might be for the best if I didn't burden you with my troubles, since you have to worry about your mum."

"And what are your troubles, Henrik?" she asked as she started to run her hand up and down his side, trying to comfort him as she waited for him to open up a little more. It was hard to break the easy silence that fell over the room, and he synced their breathing in a way to try and gain the courage to speak to her, to let her in on his weakness. "You don't have to be afraid to tell me, you know. I love you, and there's nothing you could say that would make me think less of you and that brilliant brain of yours."

Once more, he was amazed by the easy way she spoke about her feelings. He had never been able to have that casualness about him, but for her, it was as natural as breathing. "I don't feel brilliant at the moment," he finally said as tightened his hand around the ball of her shoulder, needing to find a way to collect himself before he spoke again. "My mother died of depression."

Those words seemed to hang in the air, and he listened to the rough breath that Roxanna drew in as her fingers dug into the meat of his back. "Henrik…"

"It happened when I was a child, but her depression has always been with me, like a black cloud that sometimes hovers over me, and sometimes trails along behind me. But it's a part of who I am. I get dark moods, where everything seems so bleak, and there appears to be no light in the valley that I'm walking through." She nodded slowly, but from the tense way she was holding herself, Henrik knew that she wanted to say something, but was holding back, allowing him to work his way through what he wanted to say. "The darkness in me became overwhelming two weeks ago. I walked into a lake with no intention of ever turning around, because I didn't want to be a burden on you and John any longer. Somehow, somehow, John knew what was going through my mind, since he found me, and pulled me back from the brink."

His voice trembled a little, and he pursed his lips together as he tried to keep control of his emotions, since he didn't want to cry on her shoulder, to show her how weak he was. The silence had turned jagged in that moment, and the first sob caught in his throat. It only took a moment, but then Roxanna was turning towards him, wrapping both arms around him in a tight hug before pulling his head down onto her breasts, her fingers running through his hair as she murmured soothingly in his ear, allowing him to release his feelings in her arms.


	2. Chapter 2

Henrik didn't know how long he had been crying, but he did know that Roxanna had never let go of him the entire time, even though she hadn't spoken more than the soft murmurings in his ear as she rocked them back and forth. Finally, though, he pulled away from her and swiped at his eyes, wishing that he had thought to bring a handkerchief so that he could clean up his face a little, knowing that he must look so ridiculous to Roxanna.

She must have read his emotions, since she finally let go of him to sit up a little, cupping his face with her hands as she ran her thumbs across his cheekbones, just staring into his eyes for a few long seconds. "How about we find somewhere that's open and have some breakfast?" He nodded. "Good, because I am starving." Roxanna gave him a small wink before reaching up for the blanket on the sofa and rubbing it across his face gently, removing the lingering traces of his tears. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"What makes you say that?" he asked as he clumsily got to his feet, holding his hand out to her and pulling her up beside him.

"Because you were able to keep going after everything that you went through. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, even though you might view yourself as weak right now." Roxanna hooked her arm around his waist as they made their way over to the door. Just as she went to open it, the doorknob rattled, and Henrik drew in a deep breath, knowing that John had finally made his way there, as well. Roxanna patted his back gently as they stepped back from the door, letting it swing open.

"Oh, there you two are. Is everything all right?"

The words sounded a little disingenuous to his ears, and Henrik nodded as he drifted closer to Roxanna. "I'm fine, just couldn't sleep any longer. I went to find Roxanna, and we've decided to head out for breakfast, just the two of us." He didn't know why he felt it important to add that little bit, but once the words were out there, he knew they were the right ones. Roxanna seemed to agree, since she nodded a little as she moved them closer to the door, brushing past him as they stepped out into the hall.

"We'll see you later today, John!" she said breezily as she took firm hold of Henrik's hand and led him down the hall towards the exit. Henrik glanced over his shoulder to see that John was staring after them, an inscrutable look on his face. Shaking his head a little, he took a deep breath and followed Roxanna outside. The sun was just starting to come up, and he took a deep breath, the air filling his lungs with a sense of hope. It was weirdly comforting to have Roxanna know his secret struggles, and he adjusted how they were holding hands, threading their fingers together as they walked along.

"So, do we really have a plan here?" he finally asked as they stopped outside her dorm room.

"Yes, I am going to drive us to a diner, and we are going to eat and talk and focus on the things that make us happy. And then, I'm going to drop you off so that you can get to your seminar, since I know how important this class is to you, and I am going to head back to the lab and continue my research until it's time for my seminar." Roxanna reached up and cupped his face with her hand, staring into his eyes. Henrik couldn't help but notice how blue her eyes were in that moment, and he felt his breath catch in his throat as he instinctively leaned down, wanting to kiss her. She didn't pull away from him, and so he closed the distance between them, kissing her softly as her arm closed around his neck, holding him in place as the buss lingered on.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so forward," he murmured as he lifted his head, seeing the joy dancing in her eyes that told him his kiss had not been unwanted.

"Perhaps I like it when some men are forward." She winked at him and then stole another quick kiss before letting him go and rummaging around in her pocket for her keys. "I will be right back."

Henrik nodded and watched her disappear inside. True to her word, it didn't take very long for Roxanna to return, and he saw that she had changed sweaters and applied a light coat of lipstick. He didn't quite know why, but the idea that she had dressed up a little for him filled his stomach with a fizziness that he hadn't experienced since being with Maja. "Ready?"

"I think so." Roxanna held out her hand expectantly, and Henrik tucked it into the crook of his elbow as they made their way back outside. It didn't take long to reach her car, and then he was getting inside, feeling decidedly out of place in the compact car. "You always look like you're not going to fit, Henrik," she said with a trill of laughter, starting the car and backing out of her space.

"I feel that way, yes. But I understand the need for an economical choice, since we're in a foreign land and all."

"To right. Plus, it's really cute!"

He couldn't help but laugh at that, and she reached across the car to pat his hand gently, never taking her eyes off the road. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you," he replied, an easy smile on his lips. She shook her head a little as she continued down the road, and he began to fiddle with the radio, trying to find something that sounded halfway decent.

"Oh! That's Fleetwood Mac! Leave it there, Henrik, please? It's the closest I can find to really good folk music like I listen to back home."

He nodded and turned the radio up a little, listening to her sing along with the lead singer. There was something so carefree about her in that moment that he found himself humming along as he dug a cigarette out of his pocket, setting it between his lips as he reached for his lighter. Before he could find it, though, Roxanna had snatched it from his lips, sticking it behind her left ear as she rolled the window down and then threw it out. "Hey!"

"If I'm going to keep kissing you, I'd like to taste you, and not an ashtray. All right?"

The expectation of a future with her took him aback, and he turned his head to study her features, trying to figure out if she was being serious or not. There were times when her teasing was hard to distinguish from her seriousness, and he wondered if this was just such a time. It wasn't until she had reached a stop sign that Roxanna turned to him and gave him a soft, almost scared, smile that he realized she had been serious about her declaration, and was worried about how he would respond. "All right, if you'll have me, knowing what you do. And…"

"And?"

"I'll tell you when we get to the diner. It's probably for the best that we weren't in the vehicle for this news." She nodded and patted his knee a little before turning right, heading towards the city in search of food.


	3. Chapter 3

Henrik had been a little surprised with how easily Roxanna had rolled with the news that he was going to be a father. That news had been something he had taken quite a few days to wrap his mind around. It wasn't as if he didn't want to be a father, it just hadn't fit into his plan for how life was supposed to go, especially not when he had met Roxanna and realized that he would never feel for Maja what he had found with his best friend. But that was just like her, to accept the changes life brought with a fervor and zest that he just wasn't able to have.

"Would you mind getting us something to eat, Rox? I know, technically it's my turn, but the results from this test I'm running are just starting to come in, and I don't want to miss a single detail."

John's voice interrupted his reverie, and he looked up at his friend, wondering why he had asked Roxanna to go, when he could just as easily go in John's stead. Roxanna was also giving him an askance look, but she finally nodded before getting to her feet and grabbing her purse. "The usual, I'm assuming?" John nodded instantly before bending back over his microscope once more, clearly dismissing her. Henrik frowned a little before motioning her over to his side at the table across from John.

"Please make certain there's no tomato on my sandwich, Roxanna," he murmured lowly as he looked up into her face. She gave him a small smile before bending down and quickly kissing him. He still wasn't the most comfortable with public, overt, displays of affection, but with Roxanna, he found that feeling lessening. "Here, let me get it." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, handing over what he knew was the typical cost for their lunches, since it appeared that John wasn't even going to pay for his portion.

"You don't have to, Henrik." He just gave her a look, and she sighed as she held out her hand, letting him place the money there. "All right, I should be back in about thirty minutes. Don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone." Roxanna winked at Henrik before heading out of the lab, allowing the door to slam shut behind her, a sure sign that she was as frustrated with John as he was. Henrik let out a long breath as he steepled his fingers together and carefully watched his friend, wondering what was going on in his brain.

"You know, she's just using you for your work ethic."

"I'm sorry?" he asked, wanting John to repeat himself.

"She's using you. She has you wrapped around her little finger, has you doing her bidding. It's so distressing to see you just blindly following behind her like a puppy dog trailing after his master." Henrik cleared his throat, trying to get John's attention. The other man continued to stare into his microscope, taking notes as he adjusted settings. "I hate to see you becoming so common as to fall in love with the first woman who gives you a second look. You're better than that."

The words stung a little, and Henrik felt his mouth flatten into a thin line as he continued to steadily regard John. He felt like he should have seen some of this coming, since the way John had treated them over the last two weeks had shifted the more obvious it was that they had become a committed couple. The element of surprise was there, though, since Henrik had always wanted to assume the best of his friends. "I wouldn't consider us to be in love, John, even if we are going steady. And how can you think so little of Roxanna, when you respected her enough to bring her on as our third musketeer?"

John sat up and fixed a cold, steely, gaze on him as he took a deep breath. "I didn't see just how calculating and manipulative Roxanna was at first. It took a while to see her true colors come out. And you've just become blinded to that side of her thanks to your little twitterpation. You should be careful about who you associate with, Henrik, since the choices we make now will affect us for the rest of our lives."

Henrik stood up and made his way across the lab to stare at the chalkboard where Roxanna was writing down her findings for her research, using the precise nature of her handwriting to calm and focus him before he said something to John that he regretted. "I honestly don't see that side of her, John. Are you certain that there's not something that's colouring your judgement of her?"

He clasped his hands behind his back as he continued to read the information written there on the board. Henrik heard John's chair scrape against the floor and braced himself for his friend to join him. "I believe that my vision is clear, Henrik. After all, she doesn't know you like I do. She doesn't live with you like I do."

There was something a little odd about his phrasing, and Henrik glanced at him from the corner of his eyes, trying to get a read on him. "Well, of course, she doesn't live with us, that would be a little odd. But I think that she does know me. Perhaps not as well as you do, not yet, but in different ways she knows me better."

John's face scrunched up into a tight grimace. This elicited an eyebrow arch from him, and in that instant, John's face flattened out into a smooth, clear, expression, as if nothing was wrong. "I don't want you to get caught up in something that will pull you under, Henrik. Just…watch yourself, and know that I will always be here for you, even when Roxanna has moved on from us."

"I hate that you see her so negatively, John. She's been nothing but a good friend to both of us, and I rather think you know that. I know that this has changed our dynamic a little, but I still view us as a trio. You're just as important to me as she is, just in a different way. I hope that one day, sooner rather than later, you can see that."

John shrugged a little as he turned to face Henrik, his look so dark and intense that Henrik felt a little thrown. To his surprise, the other man reached up and gripped his shoulder tightly, never looking away from his eyes. "I would never abandon you, Henrik. Just know that." He nodded dumbly, feeling like John was going to either kiss or slap him at any moment. It was only the sound of the doorknob rattling that broke the mood around them, and John stepped away from Henrik quickly, making his way over to the microscope and taking a seat, bending over to look into it as the door opened.

"There wasn't too long a line today, so I was able to get back early! I hope this won't interrupt your work, John," Roxanna called out as she entered the lab, bring the large bag over to the table in front of the sofa and setting it down before making her way to Henrik and slipping her arm around his waist, holding him close as she looked up into his eyes, a questioning look on her face. "Is everything okay?" she mouthed, and he nodded a little, knowing that they would have to talk about what John had said at some point, since he didn't want to have anything disrupt their relationship, not when he liked how things were going. Instead, he rested his hand on her shoulder as they made their way over to the sofa. And for the first time in weeks, he realized that if he was forced to choose between them, he would choose Roxanna.


	4. Chapter 4

They had managed to lose themselves in their research, and Henrik had found the disagreement with John slowly fading away as he became more and more engrossed in what he was doing. Though part of him was now desperately itching to get into a theatre and apply some of the concepts he was theorizing about in real time. Finally, Roxanna rested her hand on his upper shoulder before tapping her wrist. He nodded and pushed his glasses up his nose before looking at the clock, seeing how late it had gotten.

"I am starving. Do you want to go get something with me?" She looked between him and John, a soft smile on her lips, as if she wanted them both to come along. John didn't look up from his microscope as he shook his head, and Roxanna's shoulders fell just a little as she let out a deep breath. "All right, I guess it's just the two of us, Henrik."

"Don't you need to finish what you're working on?" John asked quietly, trying to sound neutral, though Henrik almost swore he could hear censure in his voice.

"I've reached a good stopping point for the evening. There's no point in pushing ourselves to the brink of breaking, is there? After all, that could lead to a longer time out of the lab." John glanced up at Henrik, and he shrugged a little at his friend, an open smile on his face. "Besides, I like spending time with both of you outside these four walls. We're supposed to be a trio, aren't we?"

John's eyes narrowed as he looked at Roxanna and then Henrik. "I suppose that I can put a pin in my research for the evening. Where did you want to go?"

Roxanna let out a little squeal before hugging them both. "Oh, I am so glad you changed your mind, John! I know, this is important, but we need to take time for us, too!" Winking at Henrik, she kissed John's cheek before taking hold of both their hands and practically dragging them from the room. "And since I'll be driving, I'll keep our destination a secret until we get there. Trust me, I know you'll like it."

Henrik knew there was no arguing with her once she had an idea in her head. She became a force of nature at that point, and brought everyone along with her. John tried to roll his eyes a little, but there was a soft twinkle behind them that belied his earlier condemnation of Roxanna. "Who said that you're driving?" John asked as they burst outside, and Roxanna giggled a little as she shrugged.

"Well, I'm not going to be doing too much drinking tonight, since you both know that I have a pretty intense exam in the morning, I can at least be the one to drive us home," she replied as she stopped next to her car, looking at them both. "And John, please, take the back so that Henrik doesn't have to scrunch up. You know it hurts his back so."

Henrik fought to keep from rolling his eyes at her, and the broad, slow, wink she directed at him told him she knew that he wanted to. "I can handle it for a night, Roxy. It's not like we're going to drive halfway across the country."

She face melted into a dreamy smile as she looked at him, and he wondered what he had said to make her react so. "You're right, it would be difficult to get to Missouri and back in an evening. But if you want to sacrifice your back, go for it, you numpty." They got into the car, and he chuckled a little as John clambered into the backseat before pulling the seat up so that Henrik could get in.

"There's something so saccharine about you two," John muttered as Henrik fastened his seatbelt. "I do hope that I manage to avoid catching that during the course of our friendship."

"No, you'll join us one day, I know you will," Roxanna said glibly as she started to drive. "After all, we become like the people we surround ourselves with. And I think if I keep the both of you at my side, well, I could do much worse in life."

Henrik glanced up into the rearview mirror, catching John's eye and watching him roll his eyes in annoyance. That rankled him immensely, though he schooled his features to not let on what he had seen, since he didn't want to make a scene. A relieved sigh left his body when he saw that Roxanna was taking them to their favorite bar, and as soon as she turned off the car, he was getting out, John hot on his heels, almost forcing him into the building, forcing Roxanna to run to catch up to them.

She sounded a little of breath when she took hold of his hand, letting him lead her over to a free table. "I just want some chips and a beer, Henrik," she said as she looked up at him. Though she was smiling, he could see a bit of sadness behind her eyes, as if she was starting to see just how little John thought of her. Without hesitating, Henrik nodded and then bent to kiss her tenderly. "Thank you for trying. There are just some times when he's irritable and unapproachable. Someday, I'll be able to read him better."

"And he can be kinder," Henrik replied quickly before kissing her once more. She shrugged and he nodded before heading up to the bar, placing their order and taking the beers back. Before he could get to the table, John had taken a seat next to Roxanna, his hand coming to rest familiarly on her wrist as his thumb stroked back and forth almost lazily. Henrik wondered what sort of game their friend was playing at, and he felt a deep frown mar his features as he strode over to their table and handed Roxanna her beer before taking the seat on her other side, absently tapping his fingers against his glass as he tried to think of something to say.

"John was apologizing to me, Henrik, can you believe it?" Roxanna murmured in his ear before she rested her head against his upper arm. He nodded a little, breathing in deeply to catch a waft of her perfume in his nostrils. "I know that our tempers can get short when we're in the lab, because we want, so badly, to come to grand conclusions. We just can't let those snappish attitudes tear us apart. I need you, both of you, in my life." And then, Roxanna was lifting her face up and pressing her lips against his jaw, kissing it softly a few times until he bent his head and pressed his lips against hers in a warm buss.

"I promise, I'll try harder to make things work for all of us," he said, looking John in the eye. It was quite neat, really, how he had managed to smooth things over when he wanted to discuss with Roxanna his concerns about John. From the pleased as punch look John gave him, he knew that the other man was thinking the same thing. Henrik just wondered how long it would be before things truly came to a head.


	5. Chapter 5

He smelt Roxanna's perfume before she reached his side in the library. Looking up from his book, Henrik went to smile at her, only to see her lips turned down in a sad smile, tracks of tears staining her cheeks. "Roxy?" he asked, pushing out the chair next to him for her. She sank down in it heavily, burying her chin in her chest as she gave a small shake of her head. "Whatever is the matter?"

"I know that you care for me, so I have to ask this of you, hopefully plainly. My thoughts are muddled a bit, so I don't know if I'll make much sense. Please, try to stop me if I just go careening off course." She reached out for his hand and clasped it lightly, rubbing her thumb against his knuckles as if to soothe herself. "John and I have been talking recently, well, fifteen minutes ago, really, and he told me something."

Henrik had never felt his entire body go cold quite so fast as when those words dropped from her lips. Taking a deep breath, he shifted in his seat, turning enough so that he could look at her, taking in the way her chin wobbled with unshed tears, the shallowness of her breaths, the way he could just make out her teeth as she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. Awkwardly, he reached out his free hand, stroking her hair lightly, trying not to dislodge her headband. "What did he say?"

Roxanna drew in a shuddery breath as she finally brought her head up, locking her eyes on his. The pain there was sharp to him, as if she had cut into him with a scalpel. "He told me that you were just stringing me along, that you didn't really care for me the way you said you do. He told me that you were in love with him, but didn't want to say anything, since the stigma is so great in the States. You're using me to appear straight, and while I didn't want to believe his words, there's a part of my heart that wonders. After all, I'm the outsider, you are the one who drew me in as the third wheel."

A little sob caught in her throat, and Henrik swallowed his own lump of tears as he closed his hand around her shoulder, drawing her close to him. "Did John give you a reason for telling you all this?"

"He just thought that I should know before I got in too deep with you. I don't want to believe him, but he made a compelling case. Henrik, tell me true. Which of us do you really love?"

He let go of her hand, watching her flinch at the move before her entire body tensed, as if she was expecting him to reject her. Henrik let out a long breath as he shook his head, trying to find it in himself to smile, even as he tried to figure out why John would lie like this. There was no reason for him to do it, other than to split Roxanna and him up. But why would he want that? They were still all friends, they just had a little closer bond, that was all. The longer he was quiet, though, the more Roxanna cried, the tears falling from her eyes in drops larger than he had ever seen. "I'm not lying when I tell you that I care for you deeply. You are so important to me, Roxy, and I wish that I could say all these words that are trapped in my mind. This is exactly what I wanted to speak with you about last week, when we went out to the bar. But John was able to smooth things over with you, and I thought that everything was okay between us all again."

"I just…I trust you, and I know you trust me, but how can you look at me the same way, knowing that I've clearly failed us in some way by even asking these questions?" Those words sounded so broken to his ears, and he shook his head as he tugged her closer to him, allowing her to burrow close to his chest as he stroked her back in long, soothing, arcs. "I love you, and I feel like I've fucked everything up because of my insecurity."

Those were her last coherent words before she was crying too hard to speak, and Henrik just held her, rubbing her back as he tried to calm her down. Thankfully, they were in a secluded corner of the library, where no one was likely to interrupt them, since he had the feeling that she would be quite embarrassed to be seen crying so hard. It wasn't until she seemed to calm a little that she pulled away from him to look up into his face. Her eyelashes were spiky from her tears, black smudges under her eyes, probably from her mascara running, and he sighed lightly before sticking one hand in his pocket to grab his handkerchief and delicately swiping beneath them as he tried to clear away those marks.

"I don't think that I can study any longer, Roxanna. How about we head to the coffee shop and talk about this a little more. We need to clear the waters between us before we go confront John about what he's said. May I kiss you?" A hopeful little smile darted across her lips before she nodded, and he cupped her face with his hands as he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers, not wanting to do anything too salacious in public.

Sitting up, he looked at her face once more, noticing a few more tracks of black that he tried to take care of before he pushed away from the table and stood up, holding his hand out to her. Roxanna took hold of it quickly, pulling herself to her feet before she sprang forward and wrapped her arms around him, breathing in deeply a few times. "I love you, and I know now that you aren't ready to say those words, and I'm not certain if I'm in love with you, but I do know that you have been the best thing to come into my life right now. Don't leave me?"

"As if I could do that," he said lowly as he let go of her, gathering up his books and notes, organizing them neatly into a stack by size before placing them in his rucksack, shoving his pen into its proper place before closing the bag and slinging it over his shoulder. "Now, shall we?" She nodded and slipped her hand into the crook of his arm, letting him lead her outside. The walk over to the coffee shop was nice, since Roxanna seemed to perk up a little as the cool breeze whipped through their hair. "When did you dye your hair?" he asked, finally noticing the pink tips.

She blushed a little, giving him a self-conscious smile as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "You're the first one to notice it. I wanted to do something that would make you smile, before John almost wrecked this whole thing. Do, do you like it?"

"It suits you quite well. And if you like it, that's all that matters." She let out a happy laugh as she nodded, opening the door for them. "Go find a table for us, I'll get our usual?" Roxanna smiled before heading into the seating area, allowing him to get in line, using the wait to ponder what they were going to do about John and his jealousy.


	6. Chapter 6

"I know this is going to be hard, Henrik. But I feel like we have to do it now, before things get too out of hand. I don't want to allow him to manipulate us any longer. It's clear from our discussion that he had been trying to get us to turn on each other, and whilst I don't know why he would do that, other than being jealous of the change in dynamic between us all." Roxanna reached across the table and took hold of his hand, squeezing tightly as she stared into his eyes. He couldn't help but adore the fervor in her gaze, knowing that she put that same energy into everything she did. "Pay attention!"

"I am, Roxy," he replied before taking a sip of his coffee. "Do you feel up to doing this with me, though? I wouldn't want you to feel beholden."

"I want to be by your side in this, Henrik. It's affecting all of us, so it should be all of us that discuss this."

"Discuss what?"

They both froze, and Henrik looked up to see John there, a frown on his lips. Henrik took a deep breath, giving Roxanna's hand a small squeeze before letting go and gesturing for John to join them. He chose to take a seat next to him, and Henrik nodded a little as he tried to gather his thoughts. "We have to talk about what you've been doing, John. We've finally discovered it, and before things get too far out of control, we need to nip it in the bud."

Henrik wasn't able to see how John reacted to his words, but from the way Roxanna's eyebrows lifted the tiniest bit, he knew that the man hadn't been able to control his micro reactions to his words. "I'm afraid that I don't know what you mean, Henrik. Rox, would you care to explain?"

"I rather think you know what we wish to discuss with you, John. Especially since I left you in tears not three hours ago. Why are you trying to split us up? You know that I love you both, just in different ways. And the way you were trying to smear Henrik in my eyes, it just is beyond the pale. Why would you feel the need to be so duplicitous, when you just could have come to us and said that you were feeling left out, or ignored. Neither of us would judge you for that feeling."

Henrik nodded a little as he picked up his mug and sipped at his coffee once more, wondering how John would react. There was a slight pause before John folded his hands together on the table, focusing his laser gaze on Roxanna. "Why do you think that I was being duplicitous?" His voice was low, soothing, and Henrik recognized that he was trying to control the direction of the conversation, trying to plant doubts in their minds that he had done anything wrong. And a part of Henrik wondered why he hadn't seen this side to their friend before now, since it seemed so plain here.

Roxanna's nostrils flared as she took a few deep breaths, her face hardening into a cool marble mask as she stared at John. In that moment, Henrik hoped that he would never be on the receiving end of that stare, since he was definitely intimidated by her. "You were telling us different stories, trying to play us off on each other. To what end, I'm not certain. I don't want to think less of you, John, because you have helped my research along with some gentle prods. You've been such an integral part of ours lives, and I just want to clear all this up so that we can go forward as friends."

John let out a small scoff as he leaned back in his chair, staring at Roxanna before glancing at him. Henrik frowned a little, trying to figure out what was going through his mind, and John just gave him a small smirk as he shook his head. "You're too idealistic and emotional, Rox. That will be your downfall one day. I was just trying to get you both to see the error of your ways and refocus you on your true passions – research and medicine. That's what you need to think about, not this ridiculous twitterpation. That? Wont' last the year, and then you'll have nothing and no one to fall back on. But if you continue to insist on pursuing this ridiculous romantic entanglement, then it's on your heads. Just don't expect me to continue being there to pick up the pieces."

Though his voice had never risen above a normal conversational tone, Henrik could tell that Roxanna clearly felt like she had been yelled at, as her lower lip was quivering as she stared down into her coffee. "We'll keep that in mind, John. Now, I rather think that you've said your piece, Roxanna's said ours, and you need to leave before you upset her further."

"That's fine," he spat out as he pushed away from the table and made his way out of the coffee shop, never looking back at them. Roxanna's shoulders dropped the instant he was out of sight, and Henrik immediately got up and took a seat next to her, letting her rest against him. The first soft sob broke from her lips before she turned her face into his chest, muffling her mouth.

"Shh, Roxanna, you're okay," he mumbled as he rubbed her back gently.

"I know, but why would he react like that? I thought we were friends, and friends don't treat each other like that. Never." Her hand curled up in a fist on his chest, pulling the fabric of his waistcoat taut against his back with the movement.

"He's always been a bit touchy, but this did go beyond the pale," he agreed before letting his chin come to rest on top of her head. "I know that this doesn't sound like the most pleasant option, but I think we should avoid the lab for a day or two, let him have some time to cool down."

"That sounds like a good idea. You always know exactly how to respond to things, and I wish that I had your cool head at times. Maybe John's right, maybe I am too emotional."

He shook his head a little, his chin dislodging her headband with the movement, mussing up her hair. Letting out a tiny sigh, he lifted his head and tried to smooth it down before tugging on a hank, trying to find the right words to say in this moment. "I need you to be this emotional, Roxanna. As I'm certain you've noticed, I'm not quite as in touch with my feelings as you are. You help connect me with that part of myself. And I think that I need you for that."

She tightened her arm around him as she buried her face into the crook of his neck, her warm breaths fanning out against his skin as she took a few deep breaths. "And I need you to be my rock. I guess that's why I think we're so good together. Do, do you want to spend the next few nights with me? I'm not ready to make love, but I don't want you to go back to your dorm and feel like you're in the middle of a toxic environment."

He chuckled a little, almost nervously, as he nodded. "That would be nice. Though I don't know if I'll fit on your bed. If you haven't noticed, my legs are rather long."

This elicited a watery laugh from Roxanna, and she pulled away from him to look up into his eyes, her tender gaze full of such affection that he couldn't help but take hold of her hand and kiss the back of it. Her look softened even more as she nodded. "You are my tall man. All right, I need to get out of here before we see anyone else that we know, and they ask why my eyes are so red. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," he replied as they stood up. He welcomed her arm coming to rest around his hips, since he knew that she needed the comfort of touching him. "I, I had another letter from Maja," he said as they went outside, knowing that he had to change the topic before she fell apart once more. "Everything seems to be progressing well with the pregnancy, but it sounds like she's wanting to see me after the birth. I was thinking…"


	7. Chapter 7

Henrik woke up and stretched, his back hurting a little as he tried to work out the kinks from another night spent on Roxanna's small bed. She was still fast asleep, and he leaned down to kiss her cheek softly before padding over to his bag and rummaging around for a fresh set of clothing before making his way into the bathroom, stripping off his pyjamas before folding them neatly and setting them on the counter, placing his fresh clothes at the top of the stack before stepping into the shower and quickly washing his body.

By the time he was wrapping a towel around his waist, he could hear Roxanna moving around in her room, and he smiled a little as he dried off and then dressed. There had been something so wonderful about this time they had spent together, though he had noticed that John had given them a wide berth at every class they had shared, giving them angry looks as he hurried out of class with a new group of people.

Letting out a deep breath, he went out into the bedroom, finding her half-dressed, her hips twitching to a song in her head as she stood in front of her closet, trying to decide on a shirt to pull on over her bra. He tried not to stare at the pale flesh of her back, but it was difficult not to. And then, she was turning around, allowing him to look at her torso, the smooth lines and curves exciting him. "I didn't know how much longer you'd be, Henrik," she murmured softly, her cheeks pinkening beneath his gaze.

"You're fine," he said as he stepped forward, wanting to touch her, but not certain that he wanted to invade a space he had stumbled into by accident. "And you're beautiful."

An easy smile spread across her lips as she shrugged a little. "A lot of boys think I'm too thin, that I don't have enough…" Her hands waved around her chest, and it was his turn to blush as he shook his head. "And here we are, and you look like I am some sort of supermodel." Her head tilted to one side before she closed the distance between them and kissed him softly before stepping back to the closet and pulling out the first shirt her fingers touched.

He found himself tongue tied, and she laughed lovingly as she tugged the garment over her head before taking a seat on the bed and staring up at him. "It's time to check up on John. If we do it together, perhaps it won't be quite so nerve wracking?"

Henrik nodded, knowing that she had a good point. "Do you want to get this over before we head to our seminar, then?" A relieved smile spread across her face as she nodded. "I suppose that we should head over then, since we only have ninety minutes before we need to be in the classroom."

Roxanna popped to her feet and picked up her satchel, slipping it over her shoulder before holding her hand out expectantly. He gathered up the things he would need for the day before taking hold of her hand, threading their fingers together as they walked out the door. It was a short way to the lab, and Henrik found himself content to make the journey there in silence, knowing that they would need to save all their words for John.

Stopping outside the door of the lab, Roxanna turned to him, taking a deep breath before kissing his cheek quickly. "You can do this, Henrik, and so can I. It will be like ripping off a plaster. Yes?"

"Yes," he replied as he pulled out his keyring and unlocked the door. As it swung open, he could feel that something about the atmosphere had changed, and his brow furrowed a little as he led them inside. Looking around the space, he found there were a few things missing, things that were solely John's, and instinctively his hand tightened around Roxanna's, trying to figure out what this could possibly mean.

"Did you touch my writing on the chalkboard?" Roxanna asked as she let go of him, drifting over towards the space she had claimed as hers so many months ago. "I mean, this is almost the same, but I know that's not my handwriting there at the bottom. And the chemical equation doesn't make any sense now."

He joined her there, looking at where she was pointing, and shook his head. "I know enough not to disturb your work, Roxy. Though I don't think that John had any such compunctions. That's his handwriting, I recognize it from all his scribblings on the boards. Why he changed things, I can't tell you, but I know that he did."

Roxanna frowned as she wrapped her arm around his waist, her other hand cupping her chin as she sighed deeply. "I don't know how I'm going to fix this. I took notes in my notebook, yes, but this was too new, I hadn't really solidified any of the findings as of yet, and so hadn't transferred them over." Another deep sigh slipped from her lips before she looked up at him, tears sparkling in her eyes. "I was so close to a breakthrough with this, and maybe finding a cure, a way to fix, what my mum suffered from. And now it could all be gone. I've failed her, Henrik."

He rubbed his lips together a little before shaking his head. "I don't think that you have failed, darling. This is but a temporary setback, to be certain, but I know that you'll fight your way back to the answer you've been seeking, and that this is but a small hurdle to get over."

"Even still, you find a way to cheer me up, Henrik. You're like my knight in shining armour, if you'll allow me to be romantic." The first tears dropped down her cheeks, and Henrik swept them away with his thumb before pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Thank you."

He nodded before allowing her to embrace him wholeheartedly, her hands curving around his shoulders as she let her head come to rest on his chest. "You are most welcome. Now, I don't know why John has decided to abandon us in the dead of night, or so it seems, but I do know that until such time he proves otherwise, we shall consider him our absent friend, and try to think fondly of him, even as our brains try to tell us that there might be something amiss. I know that it will be difficult to overlook his scratches on your chalkboard, but until we hear from him what his intentions were, I would rather think the best of him. After all, that's what I wish you would do for me, if the situation were reversed."

Roxanna nodded against his chest, her hands squeezing his shoulders before stepping back from him and regarding her work on the chalkboard with a critical eye. "You are entirely correct, Henrik. We've all said our pieces, and it's always better to regard someone kindly. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to bury myself in my notes and try to fix these things. I know it won't happen before our seminar, but I can at least start putting things to right." Henrik gave her a small smile before nodding and heading over to his own workspace, trying not to feel a flicker of doubt when he noticed his own work had been rifled through, though he did wonder what John had been up to when they had given him his space.


	8. Chapter 8

The rest of the term had passed by so quickly, with both of them engrossed in their research and studies, that Henrik had barely noticed how John had kept his distance from the both of them, that he and Roxanna were growing as close as two souls possibly could, despite the stress of school. And then, they were sitting their final exams, and Henrik felt like he could finally breathe again. The first place he went when he had finished his last exam was their lab, and he began to clean up what little remained, knowing that they would not be returning until the fall semester.

"Henrik! Did you hear the news?" The door banged open with the force of Roxanna's exuberance, and he turned to look at her, a bemused smile on his lips as he shook his head. Roxanna pushed the door closed before rushing over to his side and snaking her arms around his waist as she took a deep breath. "John's not going to finish his final year here with you! He's transferred to Columbia, of all places, and we're to be alone, no longer three, but two. I always knew that he wouldn't bend his stiff neck, but a part of my heart hoped that he would relent."

He nodded as he dropped a soft kiss to the top of her head. "I was hoping the same thing as well, Roxanna. And I have news as well, though I do hope that mine is slightly happier than losing John from our circle of friends."

She pulled away from him to gaze up into his eyes, a wide smile spreading across her lips as she tugged him over to the sofa. "Well, go on!" she said as she tugged on his arm, sinking onto the sofa together. "What good news do you have?"

"Maja has safely been delivered of a healthy baby boy. I have a son, his name is Fredrik."

Just saying the words seemed to make things all the more real in his mind, and he drew in a long breath as he awaited Roxanna's response. "Oh, Henrik, I am so pleased to hear that! Will you be traveling home to Sweden to meet him during our break, then?"

She brought his hand to her lips, kissing it softly as she watched him. He shrugged a little, watching her brow furrow with confusion. "I was hoping, well, that is if you're not completely booked already, that you would come with me to meet him. I'd feel a little stronger with you by my side. Since I'm not really certain that I can do this fatherhood thing on my own."

A soft gasp escaped her lips, and for a moment he thought that maybe he had scared her off, that she wasn't going to be able to truly handle becoming a mother of sorts to his child. Which made sense. It was a lot to ask of a partner, and he didn't blame her for her reticence. And then, Roxanna was catching his attention by capturing his lips in an exuberant kiss, launching them back onto the sofa as she stretched her body out along his. "You would truly share him with me? And Maja wouldn't mind? Oh, Henrik, yes, I'll go to Sweden with you and meet your son. I just wasn't certain that you were thinking that far into the future, that I was building up this fantasy life in my head for after my graduation. I know, I have a year after you leave to get through, but knowing that we have something to look forward to, well, that just fills my soul with joy."

Henrik knew that she wasn't exaggerating, since her eyes were filling with happy tears, even as her hands curled in the fabric of his sleeveless jumper. "All right, it's settled then. We'll go to Sweden and meet Fredrik, and Maja, and show you around my childhood home. And then, we'll return to England and go our separate ways until the start of term."

"You needn't make it sound so dreadful, Henrik. I plan on taking trips to see you, and you can be certain that I'll write and call. We might be separated by miles, but our hearts will be ever entwined."

He chuckled a little as he ran his hand up and down her back, relishing the solid weight of her on his body, anchoring him to a happy future. "Having a romantic like you in my life has really done wonders for me, Roxy. I don't think I could be quite so optimistic were it not for you. Nor do I think I'd be going to see Fredrik if you weren't with me. I never wanted to have a child."

"Really? I've always pictured myself with three children, two boys and a girl. They're nebulous figures in my mind right now, though as of late, my dream children have started to sport dark hair or hazel eyes." Though he couldn't see her face, Henrik could feel the way she tensed in his arms, as if she thought she had revealed too much.

"If I would want children, I do think I'd love to have a little girl with hair the color of wheat, thick and curly, with hazel eyes and a winsome smile. A perfect blend of her parents, really, though we would have to watch out for her intelligence, since I imagine her to inherit that from us both."

"Are you really so certain that you're not a romantic at heart, Henrik?" she murmured as she rubbed her cheek against his chest. "I think we've both built up an idyllic future for ourselves, and they sound eerily similar. I never thought that I would find this great love in my life so soon, like my parents, but I think it crept up on me when I wasn't looking. I, I don't know how I'll survive my summer without you."

He chuckled a little as he dared to let his hand sweep a little lower on her back, resting it lightly on the swell of her bum. "We'll survive the same way we have up until now, by focusing on what needs to get done during the break and returning to college ready to make some major breakthroughs on our research. And like you said, we'll write and call and go see each other."

"I suppose that will have to do." She wriggled around a little, trying to get a little more comfortable on him. "I really don't want to move from here, Henrik, but I know that we have to finish packing up."

"And I suppose that we could rest here for a little while. And we don't have to have everything done today, you know. I was planning on reorganizing the book shelves, which seems an even better idea now that John won't be continuing with us."

Roxanna nodded against him as she let out a little yawn. "I'm glad that this is going to be our space again, when we come back. Through I think that we should rekey the lock. I might be a little paranoid, but this is our space, and no one else's."

"I'll see about doing that tomorrow, if it's going to gnaw at the back of your mind. I'd rather you feel safe here, you know." She nodded as she stretched a little, a contented sigh slipping from her lips as she settled once more. "I wonder what Fredrik looks like. I hope that he looks like Maja, more than me. I'm nothing special."

"Hush your mouth, my love. You are the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes upon," she replied quickly, lifting her head so that she could steal a kiss. Knowing that he had lost the battle, he said nothing more as he continued to hold her, relishing this moment for all it was worth.


	9. Chapter 9

Henrik adjusted his tie a little as he looked up at the flight board once more. He knew that Roxanna's plane wasn't due to arrive for another ten minutes, but he kept feeling like he was going to miss her if he didn't keep watch. The time passed so slowly, and he wondered if this is how his entire summer would pass, being separated from her. Finally, the board showed that her plane had arrived and would be debarking at gate B28. He was close by there, so he tried to slowly walk over, since he wanted to appear cool and collected when she stepped off the plane.

The gate agent gave him a small smile, as if she knew that he was waiting for someone very important. " _Om du vill sitta, kommer planet att vara h_ _ä_ _r p_ _å_ _sex minuter_." He nodded, surprised that he understood her so well after going so long without speaking Swedish.

" _Tack_ ," he replied as he took a seat in a chair, watching for the door to open. Finally, the first people started stepping off the plane, and his toe began to tap as he waited to see her. The first thing he noticed was her hair. She had gone back to completely blonde, and Henrik found himself missing the pink already. Jumping to his feet, he gave her a broad smile as he braced himself, knowing that she would very shortly launch herself into his arms.

"Henrik!" she called out excitedly, a large grin splitting her lips as she waved. Her approach was a lot softer than he had thought it would be, and it wasn't until she was in his space that he saw she was crying. "I know, I'm a numpty, but I've missed you so much in these last two weeks. But I'm here, and you're here, and I love you." She started to cry in earnest as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to his chest. "If this is going to be my whole summer, I don't know what I'll do with myself. I used to be a strong, independent, woman, I'll have you know!"

"I don't think that you've lost that, Roxanna. This is just something new, for both of us, and we'll find our footing once more, once this becomes a little more normal to us. Okay?"

Roxanna nodded a little before standing on tiptoe and kissing him possessively. "I tried to look somewhat more presentable than I usually do. Please, reassure me that I do not look completely ridiculous?"

She stepped away from him, and Henrik looked her up and down, taking in the charcoal grey pencil skirt and pale pink blouse she was wearing. "You look like a doctor, Roxanna, which is what we're going to be."

A soft blush stained her cheeks as she looked down at the ground. His gaze followed the movement, and he saw that she was wearing sensible black flats to complete her look. "I just want to make a good impression on everyone."

"Well, we don't have to worry about Maja and Fredrik until tomorrow, since I thought you might want to get settled into our hotel room and take a look around the town. Is that all right?"

"Perfectly fine," she quickly replied as she took hold of his hand. "We should probably collect our luggage first, though."

He nodded and then started to lead her through the airport towards baggage claim. "I hope you didn't bring too much," he said, hoping that she knew he was teasing her.

"I travel light, yes. Though I did bring something for Fredrik. I just, if I'm to have even a small part in helping you raise him, I want to get things off to the best start possible." Henrik squeezed her hand tightly, feeling strangely touched by the gesture of love. "And I may have gotten something for you and Maja. Basically, I just bought a lot of gifts for everyone."

He chuckled a little as he let go of her hand to wrap his arm around her waist, holding her close as they continued to walk. "That is very thoughtful of you. I brought something for Fredrik, too, but didn't think of getting anything for Maja."

She nodded as they finally reached baggage claim, and he let go of her to find the carrousel where his luggage was, since his plane had arrived forty minutes before hers. He saw his small case alone on the carrousel and grabbed hold of it before making his way back to Roxanna's side, allowing her to lean on him as they waited for her luggage to arrive.

"I want to take a nap in the hotel room before we head out? Would that be all right?"

"Yes, of course. Travel tends to make me tired, too," he replied as he ran his hand up and down her arm, their breathing syncing up as they waited. Finally, the belt started to move, and he felt her tense a little in anticipation. Surprisingly, hers was one of the first bags off, and she grabbed it before taking hold of his hand and allowing him to lead her outside. "You really didn't bring much," he remarked as he placed her bag in the boot of their taxi.

"I knew that I might pick up a few things here, and really, we're not going to be here that long, so I didn't need too much." She smiled up into his eyes as she slid into the back seat, and he returned the expression as he climbed in next to her, finding the quarters a bit cramped for his long legs. "And now, we're off."

He nodded as he gave the name of their hotel to the driver, speaking lowly with him, so as not to embarrass Roxanna over her inability to speak Swedish. The drive didn't take too long, and then they were checking in. "We're on the third floor, darling. I suppose that someone has to climb them."

She let out a small laugh as she nodded, hoisting her bag up a little as she lifted her eyebrows. "If we go quickly enough, I might not fall asleep on my feet before we reach it."

He nodded as he started up, his hand on the railing as they went. As he unlocked the door, he drew in a soft breath at the sight of just one bed. "I can see if there's another room available," he stammered out, only to feel her hand on his arm. "Roxanna?"

"I've missed you in the last two weeks, and I don't mind sharing. I'm not saying that anything more than sleep will happen between us, but I would love to be held by you as I fall asleep these next few nights. Because I know it is going to be a long eight weeks until we're back in Boston together." She kissed his cheek before drifting over to the bed, her hands on the zip of her skirt. As she ran it down her bum, Henrik closed the door and set their bags on the dresser. By the time he had turned around, Roxanna was laying the skirt on the end of the bed before crawling into the middle of the bed.

"I'll need a little room there, Roxanna," he murmured as he slipped out of his shoes and padded over to her side, taking a seat on the edge of the bed as he waited for her response. All she did was scoot over an inch before reaching behind her back and swatting at the bed. "Fine." She chuckled a little as he curved his body around hers, letting her head come to rest on his chest as she took a few deep breaths. "I've missed you, too."

"Then kiss me and let me fall asleep in your arms." He nodded and pressed his lips to the top of her head, his arm tightening around her waist as the first tendrils of sleep began to dig into his brain, lulling him into a deeply relaxed state with Roxanna in his arms.


	10. Chapter 10

Roxanna was smoothing down her shirt for the hundredth time in the last ten minutes as she critically examined her reflection in the mirror. Henrik wished that he could convince her that she looked perfectly fine, but he knew that it was useless. She was so determined to present a good picture to Maja, and he found himself caring all the more for her in that moment. "Are you certain that I look presentable?"

"More than that, Roxanna. Come here." He patted the bed, smiling gently at her, and she nodded as she drifted over to his side, sinking down onto the mattress next to and letting her head come to rest on his shoulder. "Remember, Fredrik is just a baby, he won't recall how you looked right now, even if we do take a few pictures to cement the memories in our brain. And Maja will probably not be the warmest towards you, since I think that she was assuming we would have a renewed relationship once she announced the pregnancy."

Roxanna nodded a little as she took a deep breath. "All right." She turned her head and pecked his cheek before popping to her feet once more, pacing the floor. "I'm sorry, I know how ridiculous it is to be so nervous, but he's your little boy, and I love him already."

His smile grew a little as he rose to his feet, grabbing the two gift bags and then holding his hand out to her. Roxanna took hold of it, threading their fingers together as they exited the room and began the long trek down the stairs. "We haven't even met him, and you love him."

"What can I say? I have a very soft spot in my heart for Hanssen men." He knew that she was making a pun on his last name, and he chuckled a little, watching her grin illuminate her features as she nodded. "If Mum hadn't succumbed to locked in syndrome, I might have gotten my degree in English literature, and then we would never have met. I hope this doesn't sound like blasphemy, but I think I may have finally discovered that mythical silver lining, and it's you." She squeezed his hand rapidly, as if she was trying to get control of her emotions, and he nodded as they continued on their way, a part of him knowing that if he acknowledged her emotions, she might lose control completely, and that would be the last thing she wanted. Instead, he tightened his grip on her hand, letting her know that he understood what she was saying completely.

They were quiet until they were in the cab, and then she was scooting as close to him as she could get, resting her head on his chest. Henrik breathed in the delicate scent of her perfume, finding that it calmed his nerves. Though he hadn't wanted to admit it, he was nervous about meeting his son. His feelings had waffled back and forth over the last few months, between never wanting to meet Fredrik and just letting Maja raise him, since children had never been in his plans. But then, Roxanna had made him see the possibilities of a future as a family, and his views had started to shift. But he just wasn't certain how Maja would react.

Their drive over was quiet, which suited him just fine, since he wasn't certain how good a conversation he would be able to carry out with his heart in his throat. When they arrived at Maja's home, he quickly paid as Roxanna slipped out of the cab, smoothing her skirt down her thighs as she waited for him. "You look fine, darling," he murmured in her ear as he handed her gift bag over.

"Thank you," she whispered back as they stepped up to the door. Henrik knocked on the door firmly, and they waited together, Roxanna bumping into him gently as the moments passed by slowly. Finally, he heard feet behind the door, and then it was being wrenched open, Maja's soft blonde head coming into view. Henrik tried to smile at her, but found it felt more like a grimace, and her eyes quickly shifted from him to Roxanna, a small sneer flashing across her features before she had schooled her face into a placid mask.

"You're here! I'm so glad, Henrik. Please, introduce us."

He nodded as they were welcomed inside, slipping out of their shoes and jackets, allowing Maja to hang them up before she faced them once more. "Maja, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Roxanna MacMillan. Roxanna, Maja." They shook hands, and Henrik could feel the tension in the room grow a little instead of ebb, like he had expected it to. Frowning a little, he rested his hand in the small of Roxanna's back as they followed Maja into the sitting room.

There was a cradle next to the sofa, and he felt his breath catch in his throat as Maja went over and picked up a squirming bundle of baby, bringing him over to their sides. "This is Fredrik," she said softly, holding the bundle out to Henrik.

"He's beautiful," Roxanna breathed out as she held out her gift bag to Maja. She accepted it, and the one from Henrik, going over to the sofa to open them as they cooed and fussed over the baby. "Oh, Henrik, your son is so perfect."

"He is," Henrik replied as he ran his finger down Fredrik's nose, watching the baby yawn a little, stretching his back a little before squirming around again, trying to find a comfortable position. "Would you like to hold him?" he asked, feeling awkward all of a sudden.

Roxanna nodded, a beautiful smile on her lips. Henrik glanced over at Maja, seeing her glare a little at them. He shook his head a little as he carefully placed Fredrik in Roxanna's arms. There was something so natural about the way she held him, and he found himself suddenly picturing a future with Roxanna that included another baby, their baby. A blissful smile curved his lips upwards as he bent down and kissed the top of Fredrik's head, the clean scent of baby wafting up to soothe him. "I don't know how I'm going to let him go, Henrik," she whispered in his ear, as if she didn't want Maja to overhear her, and he nodded. "I am head over heels already."

"Why?" he couldn't help but ask as he took a step back from them, pulling out the camera and taking a few snapshots of her.

"He reminds me so much of you. His dark hair, his nose, there are all these little things that tell me he's yours." The first tear slipped down the planes of her face, and Henrik reached out to brush it away with his thumb. "Maja, you have an angel to take care of. Thank you for letting me hold him."

Henrik glanced over at the woman, seeing the slightly mollified look on her face. "He is the perfect baby. And thank you for blanket. Did you make it yourself?"

Roxanna shook her head. "My mum used to knit. This is one of the last pieces she made, in hopes that she would have a grandchild one day. Since I don't know if that will ever be, I thought who better to have it than the son of the man I adore?" Roxanna's lower lip trembled a little as she stepped closer to Henrik once more, and he wrapped an arm around her waist as they stood there, growing closer to each other as they became acquainted with his son.


	11. Chapter 11

"Did you get my letter yet?" Henrik asked as he leaned back on his bed, staring at the picture of Roxanna and Fredrik in his hand.

"Yes, thank you! I haven't had a chance to read what you wrote, but that's only because I haven't been able to tear my eyes away from the pictures you sent. I hadn't realized that you took quite so many, and I have to get a frame for the picture of the three of us. I still can't believe that Maja agreed to take it, since I could tell she wasn't the most comfortable with my being there."

"I think that it will just take time for us all to come together. Though I don't know when the next time I'll get to see Fredrik will be, since I don't have any time to myself for anything here in Kent, let alone travelling to Sweden. And Maja won't come here, she's made that clear."

He listened to her sigh deeply, and in that moment, he wished that they were together, so that she could curl up against his chest, like he knew she wanted to. "I wish that I had an easy answer for you, Henrik. Maybe, instead of returning to England for F1 training, you should go home to Sweden, train there, so you can be with him."

"And what would happen the year after that, when you're ready to do your training? You don't know Swedish well enough to join me. And that was the plan, right?"

He pursed his lips together as he waited for her answer. "Of course, that is the plan! I just know that sometimes we have to make adjustments, since there are things out of our control. I just want you to know that I'm flexible enough to go wherever you need to be. And if you teach me Swedish, I'm certain to learn it fluently in a few months."

He chuckled a little as he shook his head. "I have trouble speaking Swedish at times myself, Roxy, so it might be difficult for me to teach you. I always knew that there would be complications that arose with having a child outside a partnership. Now, we just need to navigate those complications with grace and wisdom."

"You are truly my better half, Henrik. I am literally counting down the days until we're in Boston again. Oh, and I forgot to tell you, I'm leaving a week early to get our apartment set up. Dad's given me a little extra money to play with, but he's also getting really anxious to meet you. I know, it's last minute, but do you think you could come over to Brighton Sunday and have lunch with us? I swear, this is not just an excuse to see you, I know how desperately busy you are, and we only have five weeks before we're back in Boston, so I shouldn't be clamouring so to see you, but perhaps it would be better to assuage Dad?"

Henrik chuckled as he listened to the last of Roxanna's words end in a small gasp, since she had tried to get all those words out in one breath. "I do have Sunday free, yes, and I would love to spend time with your family." He listened to her happy squeal in the background, and could just imagine the grin on her lips. "I'll take the first train out, and the last train back, and we'll spend as much time together as we can."

"That sounds wonderful, Henrik. Oh, I cannot wait until we're in Boston and together every night, sharing an apartment, sharing a life." She let out a long sigh. "If I ever get too clingy, please let me know. I just tend to put down roots, fast and deep, and I know that scares people off."

"Only people who don't understand intensity and focus and drive. You have that in spades, and so it makes a certain sense that that would spill over into your personal relationships. I can handle you at your most intense because I've seen you use that intensity on your work and the great results you get from it." He looked down into her smiling face in the photograph and let out a small breath of a sigh. "Trust me, I'll probably need you to be that intense and to pull me out of my more black moods. I cannot promise that I won't ever be so depressed that I won't want to walk into a lake once more. But I feel that with you by my side, I might be pulled back from that decision."

He knew that he was bungling his words, certain that Roxanna would think him an idiot. "Oh, my darling, I cannot wait to meet you at the train station on Sunday so that I can kiss you soundly and show you just how much you mean to me. It's so bloody difficult to speak to you over the phone and not see your face or hold your hand when you reveal something so tender to me. I know, you're probably happier for the distance because that means your emotions won't be on display for me, but there really is something to the tactile."

A part of him relaxed in that moment, and he nodded a little as he ran his thumb back and forth over her face. "In truth, I would love for you to be here as well, since that would mean I could kiss you properly." Roxanna chuckled a little. "All right, so, we'll meet up Sunday, have lunch with your father, and maybe take a long walk."

"Perfect. I only ask for one thing."

"And that is?" he asked, wondering what she could possibly want from him.

"Bring an extra jumper of yours, preferably with your aftershave on it. I want to bring it with me to Boston, so that I can wear you even when you're not with me. I know, that's so stupidly sentimental, but there we are."

She did sound a little apprehensive in the asking, so he tried to answer her as quickly as he could. "Do you have a preference?"

Roxanna's breath caught a little, and there was a short pause before she spoke once more. "That hunter green one that you wore on our first official date. I was always partial to it after that outing."

"I will most certainly bring it, darling. Now, I hate to let you go, but I really must get on with my work here. I hate letting you go."

"But we have been talking for a long time. And this just lets me get to writing a response to your letter. I'd mail it, but I think I'll just give it to you Sunday. Until then, Henrik."

"Until then." He listened to her kiss into the phone, a tender smile on his lips as they hung up. He knew that it would be difficult to concentrate on anything other then their meeting on Sunday, but he also knew that he had to keep his focus, since he had a small inkling that if things went well, they would be spending the rest of their lives together. And though he had never been one to dream, the tiniest dream of their happy future began to bloom in the secret part of his soul, nurtured by the tender feelings he had for his Roxanna.


	12. Chapter 12

Henrik took a deep breath, trying to convince himself that he was not nervous in the slightest at the thought of meeting Roxanna's father. As the train slowed to a stop at the train station, he rose to his feet and straightened his tie, trying to act like he was in control of everything, even though he knew that was the furthest thing from the truth. Slipping his satchel over his shoulder, he followed a group of people off the train and onto the platform.

"Henrik! You're here!"

Turning his head towards the sound of her voice, he allowed an easy smile to break across face as he waved to her, bracing himself for the running hug he was almost certain to be enveloped in shortly. He couldn't help but laugh at the fact that she had dyed her hair pink once more and then she was in his arms, peppering his face with a quick flurry of kisses as she hugged him tightly. "It's only been two weeks since you saw me last. Did you miss my face that much?" he teased as they broke apart.

Roxanna blushed a little as she shrugged. "I did." He nodded as he wrapped his arm around her waist, allowing her to lead him out into the street. "I thought that we could walk to my favourite café? Dad's planning for us to be there around one, so we have four hours all to ourselves. After we get a bit of brekkie, since the day is so nice, I thought we could head to my favourite park, too, and walk and sit and talk."

"We haven't talked enough?" Roxanna let out a little huff of irritation before lightly smacking his stomach with her hand. "I know, there's still so much that we haven't shared with each other yet." He bent his head a little, breathing in the delicate scent of her perfume. "This is a new scent."

"Yeah, I thought it was time to choose something a little more adult. And a little more sentimental."

"Oh?"

There was a slight pause before she let her head knock against his upper arm. "It was a bit lush, and Dad almost had a fit when he saw the price, but I had to go with it. I found a perfume that has twinflower as one of the major notes, and knew that it would be perfect, since it would remind me of you, too." He wracked his brain, trying to figure out the significance of that flower, and she once more scoffed and tapped his stomach softly. "It's the national flower of Sweden, Henrik!"

"Oh, right," he replied as they strolled down the sidewalk. "You know, John would call you saccharine for doing something like that." Henrik didn't know why he had brought up their friend, but the words had left his mouth before he could stop them.

"You're right, he probably would. Have you heard from him at all? I know that he was transferring for next year, but I naively hoped that he would write to at least one of us."

Henrik shook his head a little. "I was hoping that he would write or call one of us, too, but there's been nothing on my end yet. I'm not even certain where we could get in touch with him, other than to send something to Columbia. And then, who knows if he'd get it. But I do miss him, especially when I have questions that I know he can answer. That's why I loved it when we added your brain to the trust. With three of us available, one of us would be certain to come up with an answer."

"So, do you think we should recruit someone else for our group when we get to Boston?" she asked as she opened the door to her café. "I know there aren't many of us girls, but I'd like to add another one, if possible."

"Of course we can see about that," he replied as they got in line. He looked over the menu and decided on getting a large earl grey tea and an egg and cheese croissant. When it was their turn, Roxanna ordered first, and then he smoothly added on to her, paying for their order before she could get her purse out. "Why don't you get us a seat while I wait for our drinks?" She nodded before heading into the café further, and he watched to see where she would sit.

"Here you go, sir," the café worker said as she handed over a tray with their drinks and a number on it. He gave her a small nod as he took hold of it, heading over to Roxanna's side and taking a seat on the opposite side of the table so that he could watch her.

"Did you remember to bring my jumper?" she asked before taking a sip of her coffee.

He smiled and nodded. "I'll give it to you when we get to your place. It's a little too warm out to wear right now." She nodded before reaching across the table and patting his hand softly. "Are you all set to head back to Boston?"

"I suppose? I mean, I know it will help, going over a week early, since that will allow me to get everything set up for us, but I'm still a little anxious? I know, it's ridiculous, but our dynamic also changed over the course of the year, so things will be different. And I trust you, completely, there's still this flutter of butterflies in my stomach that keep attacking me at the most inopportune of times."

He turned his hand over so that he could take hold of hers just as their sandwiches arrived. Roxanna gave him a sweet smile as she squeezed his hand before bowing her head and saying a quick prayer. While Henrik didn't really understand her deep and abiding faith, he knew that it was as much a part of her as her love for science, and he would never ask her to change that part of her. "I understand the nervousness. I've never lived with a partner before, either, so this will be new to me as well. But I know that we can get through anything as long as we promise to talk things out. Communication will be key, I feel."

She nodded as she let go of his hand to start eating her breakfast, and he smiled before tucking into his own sandwich. They ate quickly, and then they were heading back outside, Roxanna taking hold of his hand and threading their fingers together as she guided them through the city centre until they had reached a small, secluded, park entrance. She pushed open the gate and led him inside, and he felt transported to another world, since the noise of the city seemed to melt away as they ventured further inside. "Here, my spot should still be open," she murmured as she fairly dragged him over to a wide willow tree. "I would sit beneath here with my mother for hours on end on nice days, just staring up into the branches and dreaming. I promised her, well, that will be for later, I think."

She plopped down onto the ground and looked up at him, shading her eyes with her hand. "I am pleased to be brought here, then, Roxanna, knowing how special it is to you."

"Yes, well, I want it to be special to us both, now." He nodded as he sank down next to her, leaning against the trunk. Roxanna shifted how she was seated on the ground, scooting closer to him before stretching out and resting her head on his lap, seeming comfortable with the intimacy as he began to run his fingers through her hair, relaxing at the easy way they were able to communicate without words, and he closed his eyes as he allowed his head to rest against the tree trunk, wishing moments like this never had to end.


	13. Chapter 13

Though the luncheon started out awkward, Henrik soon found himself getting along with Callum MacMillan quite well. They were both staid, preferring to say less words when others were more inclined to fill the void with chatter. "All right, I know that you two don't have much time together, so go on. I'll take care of the dishes."

Roxanna nodded before leaning over and kissing her father's cheek softly. "Thanks for understanding!" He gave them a small smile before shooing them away with his hand, and Roxanna popped to her feet, tugging Henrik along after her as she disappeared upstairs to her room. With a most ungraceful move, she pushed him onto the bed before dancing over to her record player and putting on her music. He had started to like some of what she chose to play, and this was no exception. Smiling when she started to sing along softly, Henrik patted the free bit of mattress next to him, delighted when Roxanna fell back and stared up at the ceiling, her hand scrabbling around for his, threading their fingers together as she continued to sing softly.

The song ended, and Roxanna turned to him, her eyes wide with a hunger that he recognized in himself. Unable to resist, he closed the small distance between them, slinging his arm around her waist as he kissed her deeply. There was something so beautiful about the moment, and he ran his hand up her spine to bury his fingers in her hair, holding her close as they continued kissing. "This has to last me for five long weeks, Henrik. How will I live for that long without your lips brushing mine?" she breathed out as she tugged on a piece of his hair.

"The same way we made it through the time between Sweden and now. Day by day, writing each other, calling when we can, and knowing that we will be together shortly." He listened to the music playing as he rolled onto his back, pulling Roxanna with him. She grinned down at him as her hands went to the hem of her t-shirt, pulling it over her head and letting it fall the floor.

"We could…"

"Not here, not with your father downstairs." He raised his head to give her a quick kiss before allowing his hands to run up and down the smooth skin of her back. "Though you do tempt me so," he said huskily, allowing one hand to drift down to her arse and squeezing it softly.

"That's what I was hoping to hear," she murmured as she took hold of his other hand and guided it up to her breast. He had never been so bold with her, but it felt right in the moment to caress her breast, allowing his thumb to swipe across her nipple, feeling it tighten beneath his touch. "Oh, now you're just teasing me, Henrik." Her voice sounded more like a whimper, and he went to pull his hand away, only for Roxanna to press his hand more firmly to her chest. "I didn't say I didn't enjoy being teased." She leaned down and kissed him, hard and fast, before spreading her weight out over his body, her legs entwining with his as they continued to kiss and caress each other.

Finally, he knew that they had to pull back a little, lest things got too out of control. With deepest regrets, he tore his lips away from hers, finding himself breathlessly sucking in air as she groaned a little in disappointment. "You make me want to lose control, Roxanna," he finally managed to say as he dragged his hands through her hair, dislodging the headband there. "Though this does make me look forward to Boston all the more."

Roxanna nodded as she blinked rapidly, tears appearing in her eyes before she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "I don't want to let you go, Henrik. I know that we're working towards our future, but these little moments just make me want something that I've never wanted before. May I ask you a question that I promise to answer myself?"

Henrik spread one hand out on her back, his fingers lightly digging in and out of her flesh as he took a deep breath. "I suppose that that's only fair," he finally replied, feeling Roxanna nod before she tensed in his arms, her fingers digging into his shirt as she took a few deep breaths. "Roxanna?"

"How many partners have you had?"

There was a short pause before he pressed his lips to the top of her head. "Maja was my second sexual partner. John and I, we came close to something a little more intimate than just friends, but never as intimate as this. I didn't desire him the way I desire you, I just knew that he wanted to feel something a little more deeply, if that makes sense."

Henrik held his breath, waiting for Roxanna's reaction to his admission. He knew that he hadn't intentionally kept Roxanna in the dark about the few kisses he and John had shared before she had come into his life, but a part of him felt like he had betrayed her in some fashion. "Oh. Okay. Well, I kissed a few girls in my undergrad career, just so you know. I mean, isn't that what college is for? Experimenting and finding out who we are?"

"Yes," he replied almost instantly, only relaxing when he felt Roxanna relax against him. "I didn't realise that I would be worried about that until I told you. But you didn't really answer the question you asked me. Besides kissing a few girls, have you had any partners?"

There was a long pause before she shook her head quickly. "I'm still, technically, a virgin. I mean, I've let boys feel me up, but I never felt ready to take that next step with anyone. Until I met you. I feel so ridiculous, to be in my twenties and never having had sex, but there you are. And now that I've found you? I really want to have sex with you."

He chuckled as he held her tighter to his chest, his fingers absently snapping the strap of her bra. "And I really want to make love to you, too."

"Well, I know what we're going to do as soon as you get to Boston," she teased as she sat up, looking into his eyes. "But seriously, Henrik, thank you for telling me about John. I know that you probably didn't like revealing something so personal to me, but it made me trust you all the more. Now, where is your sweater? I want to wear it as we cuddle on my bed for the next two hours before I have to take you to your train."

He let out a full laugh as he slipped off the bed, padding over to his messenger bag and pulling out the sweater she had requested. A happy squeal escaped her lips and he listened to the padding of her footsteps as she ran over to him, encircling her arms around his waist and holding him close. "I want something of yours, too, Roxanna," he said suddenly as he turned in her arms, giving her a soft smile.

"I think I have the perfect thing," she replied as she grabbed the sweater and tugged it over her head before going over to her bookcase and picking up a small stuffed animal. "Again, Mum gave this to me, but I know you'll take care of it. I'll even spritz some of my perfume on her for you." Henrik nodded dumbly as he watched his partner do just that, a happy smile spreading across his lips as he realized the depths of Roxanna's trust in him.


	14. Chapter 14

Somehow, the remaining weeks until Boston passed quicker than he had anticipated, and as Henrik took one last look around his flat, he made certain he hadn't left anything behind. There wasn't time to put anything else in storage or to drop off at a charity shop, and he smiled a little to see that everything was gone. Glancing inside his carry on bag, he relaxed a little to see that Roxanna's stuffed cat was on the top. "Here we go," he whispered before shouldering the carryon bag and picking up the two suitcases of clothes he would use for the next year. If he knew Roxanna, though, she would probably get him some new things over the course of their time together.

It didn't take long for him to head outside, and then he was stepping into the cab he had hired, putting the two suitcases in the boot before slipping into the backseat and carrying on a conversation with driver as they went along. "Have a great final year," the driver said as Henrik handed over his money, and he nodded as he picked up his bags once more, heading inside the terminal and quickly finding where he was supposed to check in.

The entire process went smoothly, and after he had finished with security, he found his gate and took a seat, pulling out a medical journal that he wanted to read while he was on his journey. The busyness of the airport distracted him a little, but he tried to push that aside as he waited for his flight to start boarding. Finally, the announcement came over the loudspeaker, and he stood up to make his way over to the group of people queueing up. He tried not to tap his toe impatiently, but he knew that at the end of his journey was Roxanna.

Finally, he was finding his seat, thankfully located in the first row in coach, which would give him extra leg room. Henrik stowed his bag beneath his seat before sitting next to the window and fastening his seatbelt. There was still a note of apprehension at flying, even though this would be his fifth Transatlantic flight, and he tried to take a few deep breaths before he picked up his journal and continued reading the paper that had interested him most.

He heard his seatmates before he saw them, and he tried not to groan when an exuberant little girl plopped down next to him, chattering away to her mother, who looked like she was close to the end of her rope. "We're going to see the Statue of Liberty, and Boston Harbor, and head to the top of the Empire State Building!" she said as she turned her focus on Henrik, giving him an excited grin. "Where are you headed?"

"Emily Jayne! What did I tell you about disturbing the people around us?" The mother gave him a small, apologetic, smile as she slid down into her seat, fastening her belt before pushing Emily down and wrangling her into her seatbelt. "I'm so sorry, I will try to keep her occupied during the flight. Once she has her book in her hands, she should settle down."

"That's fine, I'll be reading myself," he replied as he held up his journal. Emily let out a huff of irritation at being talked over, and she flounced back into her seat, her lower lip pouting out as she crossed her arms over her chest. "At least we're landing in the middle of the day."

"Thank god for that." They shared a knowing smile before Henrik buried himself back in his journal. He managed to finish his article before the doors closed, and he folded down the page before closing the journal as he focused on the flight attendants giving the safety speech.

As the flight began to head down the runway, he pressed his hand against his chest pocket, knowing that Roxanna's picture was there, and he wanted it to be closer to his heart as they defied gravity to hurtle across the ocean. Once they were safely heading towards Boston, he relaxed a little, stating out the window as the ground rapidly drifted out of sight. "Is there anything but clouds out there?"

He turned his head to look at Emily, shaking his head a little. "No, we're already above the cloud line, so there's not much to see."

"Oh," she replied with a slight frown, settling back in her seat once more, her legs fidgeting as the cabin crew started to serve drinks. "I want juice, Mum."

Emily's mother nodded, putting their request in. Henrik knew that it was important to stay hydrated, so he just asked for a glass of water. Taking it from the woman's hands, he sipped at it before placing it on his tray and opening the journal once more, starting the next article. The time passed quickly, as Emily truly did quiet down once she was reading a book that looked impossibly thick for someone her age.

As they grew closer to Boston, he started to feel a different sort of nerves swell up in his stomach, and he tugged on his tie a little before smoothing his hair down a little. "Are you meeting someone in Boston?" Emily whispered, her eyes darting towards her mother, as if she knew she would be rebuked for her nosiness.

"I am. Her name is Roxanna," he replied, pulling out her picture and showing Emily. "We're going to be doctors, soon, and are going to school in Boston."

"That's so cool," she breathed out as she looked at Roxanna's picture. "And she's so pretty! Are you guys married?"

"Not yet, but maybe one day. If she'll have me." They started their descent, and he placed the picture back into his pocket before taking a few deep breaths. The landing was smooth, and he grinned as Emily clapped a little at that. Sometimes, he thought, it was nice to have the young remind one of the joy of living. Standing up, he grabbed his bag and waited for the doors to open.

Once again, it didn't take long to get through customs, and then he was heading towards baggage claim. "Henrik!" His head snapped to attention as he focused in on Roxanna. She was running towards him, his sweater hanging on her body. "I am so glad you're here!" And then she was jumping into his arms while he staggered a little beneath the force of her hug. Their lips met in a hungry kiss before he was letting her go, breathing heavily as he looked at her.

"That is probably the only time you get to do that, you realise," he said as he straightened his clothes.

"I knew that would be the case, so I did it now, and got it out of my system," she replied as she took hold of his hand. Together, they finished the walk to baggage, and as they waited for his luggage to arrive. "I have missed you so much, Henrik. I thought that the wait between Sweden and my home was long, but that was nothing compared to this. I know, it's probably because I couldn't just visit you, since flights are more expensive than trains."

"We're together now, though, and have the next nine months to get used to each other. I'm hoping that I don't push you away with my habits."

She turned to look at him, a content smile on her lips. "I'm hoping the same thing. But I know that we'll work things out, because so far we've been quite good at telling each other the things that are bothering us. Oh, I cannot wait for you to see our apartment that the college gave us. We're closer to our lab now, which might be a bad thing, if we get lost in a rabbit hole of research. Though we can always bring each other food a lot easier, so we might save some money there. This is going to be the perfect year together."

He nodded as he bent and placed a tender kiss on her forehead, listening to her sigh before the luggage carousel started up, and they turned their attention to the machine as they waited for his suitcases. Henrik found that he was quite anxious to be home with Roxanna, and start their time together before the inevitable separation that his graduation would bring.


	15. Chapter 15

It seemed like all their promises to take their relationship to the next level had been brushed to one side as Roxanna excitedly showed him around the place that was now theirs. "This is your room, Henrik. I gave you the larger bed, since I thought that if I spend a few nights a week here with you, it would be easier in this size bed than the small bed in my room. I just didn't want to assume that we were going to sleep together every night. I mean, that is a bit presumptuous, right?"

He nodded dazedly as he took a look around the room that she had made for him. The dark paneling of the walls was somehow made lighter by the bedding she had chosen, and he smiled as he took a seat on the bed, feeling at home in the cozy space. "When did you have time to do all this? You were only here for a week!"

"I'm great at time management?" she replied as she took a seat next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Do you really like it? I tried to pick the things that reminded me of you, and ended up with this. I also pulled your books out of storage and set them up on the shelves. I hope that I arranged them correctly, I went alphabetical by author's last name, since that's how I organize my books."

Henrik looked at the bookcase, smiling a little as he nodded. "That will work. Sometimes, I organize by size, since that feels more right. I like things to be in order."

"I have gathered that from the way you organize your work space in the lab," Roxanna said with a small laugh, her arm wrapping around his waist as she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I will probably be a bit clingy for a day or two, since I have you here now. A part of me didn't think that this was ever happening, since, well, since I'm used to losing the people I care about."

A little of the happiness left the room, and he sighed as he nodded, pulling her back onto the bed, allowing her to snuggle in close as he rubbed her back gently. "You have to learn how to hold onto relationships with a loose grip." She tensed in his arms, and Henrik winced as he mentally kicked himself. "I'm not talking about leaving you, darling, but when my mother walked into the lake when I was a child, I learned then that even though we might love someone deeply, the harder we try to hold on to them, the more likely they are to leave us. I would never want you to feel trapped, I would never expect you to stay with me if you felt your heart moving on. Because I know that trying to stay in a place that hurts just makes things worse. We're both adults, and I will always try to treat you as such. You're in my heart, for as long as you want to be there."

Roxanna let out a tiny "oh" before she turned on her side and nestled in closer to him. "I'm a vine, and you're my trestle," she murmured before burying her face in the crook of his neck. He nodded before encircling her in his arms. "If we get a house, I want a trestle in our garden, with roses climbing up it. I see this happy future, and I want to believe in it, but I don't want to move too quickly. Just, tell me if I do get to be too much?"

"Always. And I promise to try to be a little more open with you." He kissed the top of her head before staring up at the ceiling. "So, you've done almost everything for me already. What else do we need to do to get the apartment ready for our time here?"

"Well, I didn't get much food, since it's been just me all week, and I was focused on getting things done around the apartment. I could go grocery shopping for us, if you want to put your clothes away?"

He shook his head as he sat up, smiling as she popped up next to him, ruffling her hair with her hand before pulling her knees up to her chest and looking at him from the corner of her eyes. "Let's go together, and we can have a meal before we go shopping. Classes start Monday, so we only have three days to do what we want."

A pleased smile spread across her face as she nodded. "That sounds lovely," she said as she slipped off the bed and looked at him. "And don't think I haven't forgotten about what I told you in my bedroom." Chuckling a little, Roxanna sashayed from the room, and Henrik found himself watching her bum sway back and forth before he shook his head a little and followed after her.

Checking to make certain his wallet was in his pocket, he adjusted his tie as he waited for her by the door. She had changed into a short jean skirt and tights, his sweater tied into a knot on her right hip. The look was so effortlessly lovely and he held out his hand to her, knowing that she would want to touch him as they went out to her car. "I have been craving clam chowder since I arrived at the airport, Roxanna. Do you think we could stop at that restaurant you found last year?"

"That was actually my first thought, too," she said as they climbed into her vehicle. "Dad just wired me some more money, so it will be my turn to pick up the tab." He ticked an eyebrow up, watching Roxanna shake her head as she started the car and backed out of her spot. "I am still an independent woman, even though I think of you as my partner. That means I can pay for things every once in a while. Okay?"

He laughed as he nodded, settling back into his seat as he watched the scenery pass by. It was comforting to be back in a familiar space when he was embarking on a new phase of his relationship with Roxanna. "I suppose that I can allow that," he finally replied, keeping his voice as smooth as possible, knowing that it wouldn't take her long to react.

A sharp gasp left her lips, and he braced himself for the soft smack across his chest that came moments later. "You will allow that?" Roxanna tried to sound serious, but he heard the giggle in her voice that she couldn't quite contain, and he finally allowed his face to relax into a warm smile. "Well, I suppose that it's a good thing that I adore you, so I'll let that little comment slide. For now."

Henrik nodded as he shifted in his seat, watching her as she drove. Shaking her head a little, she turned the radio up and started to sing along softly, and he felt something in his heart soften even more as they went along, feeling like this was the place that he was meant to be.


	16. Chapter 16

Somehow, the first two weeks of classes had sped by them in a haze of work and research, and it wasn't until their third weekend together that Henrik found himself finally able to look up and take a few deep breaths, feeling like he had settled into the routine that pleased him most. Waking up late that Saturday, he stretched and rolled onto his side, expecting to find Roxanna there, since they had fallen asleep around the same time, but her spot was cool to the touch, indicating that she had left him some time ago. Frowning a little, he got out of bed and padded to the bathroom, taking care of his morning needs before making his way to the living room, hoping that she was there reading.

Instead, there was a note on the coffee table, telling him that she had headed to the lab early that morning, and he wondered what she was working on. Deciding that he had to go see, Henrik brewed them a pot of coffee while he got dressed. Thankfully, it was finished by the time he returned to the kitchen, and he filled up their thermos before heading out to the lab. It didn't take too long to arrive, and he unlocked the door to the sound of Roxanna singing along to a record that was playing. "I brought us coffee!" he called out as he entered.

Roxanna looked up from the chalkboard, a smile gracing her features as she stepped away and came over to his side, taking the thermos from his hands as she pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "I didn't want to wake you up, but I got a stroke of inspiration at three this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. I'll probably head back in about an hour, but I really want to get this out of my brain before I forget about it."

He nodded as he followed her over to her board, taking a look at what she had written there. It seemed like she really was on to something exciting, and he couldn't wait to see where she would go with her line of thinking. "It looks like you made some progress here! This is to help cure locked in syndrome, yes?"

Roxanna nodded as she poured herself some coffee, sipping at it as she stared at her writing. "I know I'm making some progress, but I feel like it's not fast enough. How many more people are going to suffer from that horrible disease before I can truly make a difference? I know that this isn't exactly the line of research that I was heading down last year, John destroyed something that I can't quite get back, but I hope that this is still a step in the right direction."

She took another sip of coffee before handing him the cup and focusing back in on her work. There was something so lovely about watching her disappear into her work, and he drank as he watched her. Her hands moved with a dexterity that made him think of other things she could be doing with those hands. Henrik blushed a bit, trying to think of more polite things. Shaking his head a little as he went over to sofa, Henrik took a seat and stretched out his legs as he thought about where the rest of their day would lead. "We're heading back to the apartment when you're done, yes?"

"Yes, Henrik," she said with a small laugh. "What has you so impatient?"

Knowing that she was teasing him, Henrik let out a long breath before turning his head to look at her. "I was hoping to spend a lazy morning in bed with you, to be honest. We haven't had much time to just be, and I miss that."

"I miss that, too. One second." She turned back to the board and write a quick flourish of words and symbols before stepping back and dusting her hands off. "All right, let's head home. You make me want to fill a hunger in me." She winked at him as she walked over to him, letting her hips swing as she approached him. Henrik set aside the coffee as Roxanna straddled him, cupping his face with her hands as she leaned in and gave him a slow, lingering kiss. His hands came to rest on her hips as the kiss continued on, and he smiled a little as she leaned in closer to him. "Are you ready to go?"

"I'm ready for something," he replied as Roxanna pulled him to his feet. She winked broadly as she grabbed the thermos and closed it, holding it by the handle as they left the lab. It seemed natural to him to take hold of her hand as they made the short walk back to their place. "I am so glad that we're finally settling into a routine, Roxy."

"I am, too." She stepped closer to him, letting their shoulders brush as they walked along. "I don't think that this gotten any easier, but it has become familiar. Though, I really wish we could find a third person for our lab! I didn't realise how much I would miss the energy that John brought to our table until now."

"It is an odd change to grow accustomed to, yes. But if we aren't able to find another person to join us, I think that somehow we'll muddle through until we reach a good working partnership." Roxanna nodded as she unlocked the door for them, and he gently led her into the apartment. "I, I miss him, too, you know. The friendship we formed was so intense." He broke off, feeling like he had said too much, and as Roxanna kicked the door closed, she pulled him close to her as they backed up against it, her eyes staring into his. He found himself drowning in the blueness of her eyes, and he knew that she understood what he had been trying to say without him having to explain further.

"We're together here, and in the end, that's what matters, darling," she murmured before hooking her arm around his neck and pulling him in for a rough kiss. The hunger and fervor that she poured into the embrace took him aback and he instinctively grabbed hold of her thigh, lifting her leg so that it was wrapping around his waist, bringing them closer and closer as they continued to kiss. "You're mine?"

He was accustomed to her using more declarative language when it came to things like that, and he nodded before kissing her lips once more, nipping at her lower lip before dragging his lips across the planes of her cheek to run his tongue along the shell of her ear, listening to her gasp before groaning as he dragged his lips down her neck to tease along the neckline of her blouse as his hands drifted upwards, cupping her breasts and pushing them up so that he could more easily kiss them.

"Henrik…" she started to say, only for the phone to ring. Both of them groaned as Henrik lowered her to the ground. "I think that's my father. I told him the best time to call would be Saturdays, and I completely forgot until now. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, you have to talk to him at some point. I'll…I'll go take a shower," he replied as he ran his hand through his hair, seeing her wink at him as she nodded and picked up the phone to answer. He couldn't help but curse the universe and it's infinite perversity in keeping him and Roxanna from consummating their relationship as he went into the bathroom and slowly stripped, stepping into the shower and trying to focus on something other than the feel of Roxanna's soft skin beneath his lips.


	17. Chapter 17

Thanksgiving came a lot more quickly that Henrik thought it would, and the campus felt incredibly deserted as most of their cohorts went home for autumn break. This seemed to suit Roxanna just fine, however, so he had to wonder what was going through her mind. "Henrik, are you leaving soon?"

He chuckled a little as he shook his head. "That eager to get rid of me?" he asked as he set aside his book and looked up at her. She had a slightly frustrated smile on her lips, and he stood up, going over to her side to peck at her lips. "That doesn't answer my question."

"I think that you know what my answer is, Henrik. This is supposed to be a surprise, and the longer you linger here, the less I can get done. Please, go to the lab and occupy yourself for the day. I should have everything ready for us by six, but if it will be earlier or later, I'll call to let you know. I just, I want this to be perfect for us, since it will be our first holiday together."

Henrik nodded before cupping her cheek and running his thumb against her skin. "You don't need to fuss over me, I hope you know."

"I do, but I also want to make this feel special. We've been working so hard, and whilst everyone else can go home to their families, we're alone here, since John left us."

He let out a soft sigh as he nodded, bringing his forehead down to rest against hers. "I know, I know. I just wish that you wouldn't worry so about it. He made his choices, and we made ours. I miss our friendship with him, yes, but this way we're holding on to the past is just hurting us both."

"Yeah, I know. But we're not going to let that cloud our day. We have a lot to be thankful for, after all." He felt her tug on his hair a little as she drew in a deep breath. "Go, please, and let me do this for us."

"Fine. But if you need any help, I'm only a phone call away."

She grinned as she pulled away from him and pressed her lips to his cheek. "Thank you, Henrik, but I think I have this." Gently, she pushed him towards the door and he barely had time to shrug into his coat and wrap a scarf around his neck before Roxanna was opening the door and almost shoving him outside. "See you this evening!" she called out before closing the door.

Henrik chuckled as he began the short walk to the lab, wondering what he would be coming home to. Roxanna had been correct in her assessment of the term, they had been working very hard and making some good progress on their individual projects. But without that third person, things seemed to be a little too quiet between them. He knew that was because they were each prone to getting lost in their work, and so wouldn't come up to ask questions in the moment.

Shaking his head a little, he went to unlock the door to their lab, only to hear someone clear their throat. Turning, he saw John standing there, an unreadable look on his face. "I see she kicked you out of your apartment," he said, no emotion in his voice.

"If you mean Roxanna, she is planning a surprise for me this evening, so I need to be out of the apartment to let her do her work. But what are you doing here? I thought that you were studying at another university?" he asked as he slipped his keys back into his pocket.

John shrugged nonchalantly as he leaned against the wall, staring at Henrik. "I am. The new environment has allowed my inspiration to flourish, growing much better than it did here. That's why I'm visiting. I knew that you wouldn't go home for the fall break, and made an educated guess that you would come here at some point today, since Rox always has to be in control."

Henrik fought to keep his face neutral, not wanting to antagonize his former friend, since he really didn't have any idea why John was there. "She feels like she has to take care of her friends, John. And Roxy is really good at that."

"I'll have to take your word on that, Henrik, since I was never on the receiving end of that warmth."

Henrik's lips twitched a little before he drew in a deep breath. "What are you doing here, John? It's obviously not to wish us well."

"If you must know, I wanted to invite you to join me in my work. I know that you think you're doing a good work here, but we were like iron sharpening iron, and I fear that you may have dulled without someone sharp to keep you in line."

There was nothing overtly cruel or cutting about his words, and yet Henrik could tell that his intentions were not in his best interest, instead it was a convenience for John to get him to go. "Roxanna and I are a package deal, as our American cohorts would say. Is she invited to come with? Or is it just me that you want?"

"I rather think you know the answer to that, Henrik. You were never one to play word games, so why start now?"

He shrugged as he rubbed his chin, the beard he was starting to grow soft beneath his fingers. Roxanna had seemed pleased with that particular decision, and he smiled at the remembrance of her rubbing her fingers along the first bristly stubs when they were working late in the lab, and he let out a quiet sigh as he shook himself free of the memory to focus on John once more. "I was giving you an out, John, a way to save face, since you also know what my answer would always be to a question like that. In fact, I think that's what you were afraid of last year, when Roxanna joined us. Maybe if you had seen fit to try and be a part of our trio, you would understand why I am so attached to Roxanna. Now, if you'll excuse me…"

He looked pointedly at the laboratory door, and John's face tightened into an irritated mask before he gave Henrik a sharp nod. "By all means, then. And how are Maja and Fredrik? All is well there?"

Henrik didn't know how John knew his son's name, he just knew that he felt a fine sheen of apprehension spread across his skin as he fought to keep from reacting to the probing question. "They are both doing fine, John. I will make certain to tell Maja that you asked after her the next time we speak. Until we meet again." He pulled out his keys and unlocked the door, slipping behind it and closing it before John could react.

Not willing to take the chance of John following him inside, Henrik slid home the lock before hurrying over to his notes, wanting to use the familiarity there to calm the unsteady thumping of his heart. When that didn't bring him the peace he was looking for, he went over to the phone and dialed their apartment, waiting for Roxanna to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Hi," he breathed out, his shoulders relaxing at the sound of her voice. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Why? Who upset you? There shouldn't be anyone here!"

He chuckled at how well she knew him. "John was waiting for me, wanted me to join him at his new university. If I had to hazard a guess, he's probably missing something that I provided him."

"And what did you tell him?" she asked, sounding a bit out of breath.

"I told him that it was us or nothing. Isn't there something along the lines of whither thou goest, I wilt go in your Bible?"

A tiny giggle bubbled out of her lips, and he could just picture her nodding. "You do pay attention to me, then," she said softly. "And for that, you might be getting a slightly larger dessert. We're still set for six, by the by. Suddenly, I have even more reason for everything to be perfect!" She kissed into the phone before hanging up, and Henrik smiled to himself as he set to work, knowing that he would come home to something wonderful.


	18. Chapter 18

Henrik sighed with pleasure as he set aside his fork, certain that he couldn't possibly eat another bite. Roxanna seemed pleased that she had done so well with the meal, all on her own, and she sat back in her chair, her hands wrapped around her wine glass as she gazed at him. Her eyes were soft and lovely, and Henrik felt his heart lurch in his chest at the sight. "If you want to help me clear the table, I was thinking that we could head to your room."

A shy look passed across her face as he realized what she was saying, and he gave a small nod as he pushed away from the table, picking up his plate as he followed Roxanna into the kitchen, loading up the dishwasher and then watching her finish off the last of her wine before rinsing out the glass and putting in on the cloth to dry. "Are you ready for this?"

"I've been ready for weeks, Henrik, but life has gotten in the way too damn much." He nodded as he approached her, relishing the weight of her arm curving around his waist as he stood on her toes to capture his lips in a soft kiss. "Nothing will keep us from finally taking this step, Henrik." She tugged at the hairs on the nape of his neck before kissing him once more.

He nodded as they stepped away from each other, and Roxanna grabbed for his hand as they made their way to his bedroom. "If we're going to be lovers, Roxy, I want you to sleep with me every night," he said as he reached up and unclipped her hair, allowing it to fall around her shoulders before combing his fingers through it.

"Yes," she breathed out, her smile spreading across her entire face as she fiddled with the top button on his shirt. "We only have six months left together, physically, and I want to make the most of them." Roxanna kissed him gently as she quickly slipped the buttons out of their holes. Henrik shivered a little as she slipped the shirt from his shoulders, kneeling on the floor so that she could make short work of his belt and the zipper on his trousers, leaving him in just his vest and shorts.

"These will be the shortest six months of our lives. But I know that we will be able to fill them with as much life as we possibly can, since that is what you are so good at." She nodded a little as she reached behind her back for her zipper. Henrik reached out and stilled the motion before pulling her closer to his body and taking hold of the zip himself, running it down her back slowly. She shivered as his fingers trailed along her spine, staggering a little as his hands came to rest on her arse. "You're so soft," he said lowly, squeezing her bum before slipping his hands up to her shoulders and tugging the dress downwards, revealing her delicate lace bra.

Kneeling, he drew the dress down lower, a soft smile on his lips when he saw her panties matched her bra. "I bought them for today, since I knew I was going to do this. I wanted my first time to special? I know, that's stupid, but…"

Henrik stood quickly, letting her dress pool on the floor as he cupped her face and kissed her deeply. "It is never stupid to want to make something like this special." He gave her another soft kiss before stepping back and looking at her body. There was a flush that extended down her neck and chest, her breathing was quick and shallow, and Henrik didn't know if that was from nerves or excitement. "You are absolutely gorgeous," he breathed out as he pulled his vest over his head and dropped it to the floor, trying to ignore the clutter.

"And you're the most handsome man to ever walk into my life and stay." Roxanna ran her fingers through his hair before kissing him softly, her hands sliding down his chest, only stopping when her hands came to rest on the waistband of his boxers. "Make love to me?"

"I thought that's what we were doing?" She giggled and pulled his boxers down. "Roxanna?"

"Well, you've only kissed me. I know that I little more goes into making love than that." She winked at him before taking a seat on the bed and look him up and down, much the same way he had with her. He couldn't help but notice the way her eyes widened a little when she reached his erection, and it was his turn to feel self-conscious as he fought not to rest his hands in front of his body. "Come here," she whispered before holding her arms out to him. He nodded and closed the distance between them before pushing her back onto the mattress, his hands fumbling with the front clasp on her bra before finally popping it open, slipping the straps off her shoulders before drinking in the way she looked.

"Oh, Roxanna," he murmured before lowering his mouth to one stiffened peak, kissing it reverently before drawing it between his lips and sucking. That move seemed to enflame Roxanna, as he could feel her hips twist and move against him, and their hands met on the waistband of her panties, pushing them off her waist. Since his arms were a little freer, Henrik tugged them off her legs before fitting himself between them, never taking his lips from her skin as he started to kiss his way down her torso. It was purely instinct, since he knew that Maja had liked it when he went down on her.

From the sounds that Roxanna was making, she was enjoying what he was doing, and he smiled a little as he pressed his lips in a tender kiss to her vulva. "Henrik!" she cried out as she angled her hips upwards, trying to come in closer contact with him. He nodded before dipping his head a little lower, letting his tongue dance around her clitoris, feeling how it reacted to the stimulation, even as her thighs tightened around him, holding him close as he started to eat her out in earnest, letting his nose bump against her clitoris as he lapped up her essence, relishing the taste.

He could feel her getting close to an orgasm, and he pulled his head from between her thighs, listening to the groan of disappointment that fell from her lips as she raised her head to look at him. "I want our first time together to be as pleasurable as possible," he said breathlessly, maneuvering himself so that he could enter her smoothly. With a few movements of his hips, he was inside her, and he swallowed her cry with a deep kiss, bending in close so that they could continue kissing as he thrust in and out of her, a smile spreading across his face as he felt her legs wrap around him, pulling him in closer. The way she felt around him, enveloping him, was enough to send him into his own orgasm, much before he was ready, and Henrik threw his head back as he cried out her name, his hips snapping against her body as he found his completion. Knowing that he couldn't leave her hanging, Henrik slipped his hand between their bodies, finding her clit and swiping his thumb against it until he felt her body tense in his arms, his name dropping off the tip of her tongue like raindrops as her fingernails dug into his biceps, holding on to him tightly as she rode the wave of her orgasm.

"Oh, oh, my, Henrik, damn, I," she babbled out as her body fell back against the bed, a dreamy smile on her lips. "I am so glad that I waited for this moment, for you." Hooking her arm around his neck, she pulled him down on her. There was something so glorious about the feel of their bodies together like that, and he nodded a little before pressing his lips to her forehead, not having anything else to add to her words at that moment.


	19. Chapter 19

They had made love two more times before running out of stamina, and Roxanna had pulled the covers up around them before curling up against him, her arm possessively thrown around his waist as she fell asleep against him. He found that he wasn't quite as tired as she was, and so he stayed up a little longer, his fingers carding through her hair in gentle movements as he watched her sleep. In that moment, he knew that he had fallen in love with her, though he didn't know how he would be able to tell her. He almost thought that he should wait until Roxanna said the words first, since a part of his heart didn't want to take the chance on being rejected if she didn't feel the same way he did. After Maja and John and every other disappointment in his life, he was just too cautious to even think about taking that leap of faith into her heart.

She stirred a little, her head rubbing against his chest as her fingers tightened into the meat of his back as she let out a sleepy groan. Henrik stilled his movements, not wanting to bring her to wakefulness, but it seemed that he was too late in that endeavor, as her blue eyes blinked open a little, a soft smile on her lips as she stretched a little, her hand rubbing up and down his back as she yawned. "You need your sleep, too, Henrik," she said as lifted her head and kissed his jaw.

"I find that I can't take my eyes off of you, Roxy." Her smile widened a little as she nodded. "Besides, we've stayed up later than this working on our research."

"Yes, well, we haven't ever exerted ourselves in quite this manner," she replied before letting out a satisfied breath. "I might become insatiable for a few weeks, as I get accustomed to how this makes me feel. How you make me feel. Henrik?"

"Yes?" he responded, wondering what she wanted to tell him. It sounded important, from her tone, and he didn't want to spook her by being too loud or harsh. "Roxy?"

"I, I know I've told you that I love you, perhaps too much at times." He tensed, a frisson of fear snaking down his spine as he waited for her to speak once more. "But tonight, I finally know."

"What do you know, Roxanna?" he asked before pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head.

"That I am in love with you. That I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I'm a hopeless romantic, but I truly feel like you're my soulmate, and there's this joy that fills my heart when I think about our next six months together, and then, after I finish my last year here, the rest of our lives in harmony with each other. I love you."

Though her voice was somewhat gravelly with sleep, there was such a sweet vehemence to it that he couldn't help but nod in return, feeling the heavy weight of apprehension slip away from him as he pulled back so that he could look into her eyes a little better. "And I love you," he murmured as he watched her. A delighted smile lent a beautiful glow to her face, and then large tears were rolling down her cheeks as she laughed a little. "What?"

"I feel like it should be Christmas, Henrik. What we just shared was such a gift, after all. But instead, I suppose that I should be thankful for what we've shared here." Roxanna surged forward, her head coming to rest on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. A soft silence fell over the room as they started to breathe in tandem. "I'd always heard that it hurt, the first time. Not from church, though I know you'd think that to be true, but from my girlfriends. Some of them started experimenting with sex really young, and I don't know if they didn't choose lovers so considerate as you. But this was perfect," she murmured, her tears still falling down her cheeks.

He reached up and brushed a few of the tears free from her face as he nodded. "We fit together like two puzzle pieces, and I know that's a really rough analogy, but it fits." He felt his cheeks redden in a blush, and Roxanna giggled sweetly as she blinked rapidly, trying to clear away her tears. "I love you."

It seemed that now he had said those words, it was so easy to keep saying them. From the sweet smile on Roxanna's face, he knew that she was pleased with the development between them. "I know we need to sleep, and I'm so tired, but it's a good tired. Will you tell me story about Sweden? What were some of your traditions growing up? Did you have any pets? What was your first word? I know so much about your mind, and how it works, but there are all these little gaps that I don't know."

He chuckled a little as he bundled her closer to him, letting his hand stroke her hair softly as he thought of where to start with her questions. "I didn't really have any pets growing up. Mum thought they were too much work and too messy. But I always fancied myself having a cat when I settled down with my partner."

"Oh, that's perfect! I grew up with cats, so we'll have to find one that suits both of us when we…"

Her voice trailed off, as if she didn't want to complete her thought, and tugged gently on a piece of her hair, trying to lighten the mood between them. "When we what? Find our own flat in England? Because I thought that was always the plan. We're compatible in every way that matters, we can make up after we argue, and you take care of me in a way that I didn't know I needed until you were in my life. We're in this for a lifetime, yes?"

"Yes," she breathed out before pressing her lips against his collarbone. "All right, so, we're cat people. Now, what about your first word?"

"I don't remember my first word, though I'm assuming that it was something like Mumma or Da. I suppose that I could see if my father kept my baby book, the next time we're in Sweden. As for traditions, well, my mother always did love a good Julotta service at Christmas time. We'd open presents on Christmas Eve, and then wake up at the crack of dawn to head to a too cold church and sing Swedish carols and hear the Christmas story, and all that rigamarole. I enjoyed it because Mum enjoyed it, but upon her death, we put that behind us."

"Oh," she murmured as she nodded. "That sounds like a lovely tradition to keep, honestly. My family never went to church on Christmas, even when it fell on a Sunday. We were always visiting family elsewhere, so travel was always a part of the holiday for us. If we have a family, I think I'd like to have a tradition like yours."

"We'll have to see about that, yes," he replied as he let out a soft yawn. "Now, I think that I'm going to be the one that drops off to sleep here, my darling." She nodded and then yawned herself, and he ran his hand up and down her back as he settled into sleep, content to have Roxanna in his arms.


	20. Chapter 20

The next three months flew by, to Henrik's surprise, but they were filled with a happiness that he had not felt in such a long time that he almost started to wonder when the other shoe would drop. There couldn't be such happiness in his life without there being an opposite sadness, after all, he reasoned with himself. But every time that he allowed himself to have even the slightest maudlin thought, Roxanna would somehow know and give him a brilliant smile or a tender kiss, and everything seemed to feel right with the world once more.

"Are you coming, Henrik? The beach will only wait so long!"

He looked up to see Roxanna standing there, wearing a thoroughly comfortable outfit, a sunhat on her head completing her look. "I just wanted to finish this page, Rox."

"You can finish that page when we get back, you know. The book isn't going anywhere."

She bent over him and looked deep into his eyes, a mischievous smile on her lips. Knowing that he wouldn't win this particular battle, he shook his head and replaced his bookmark, closing the book and closing the distance between them to give her a tender kiss. "Well, the book is now coming with me to the beach. I don't swim, for reasons you know all too well, but I am more than content to watch you frolic in the water."

"As long as you rub sunscreen onto my body. I'll fry beneath this sun!"

He chuckled and nodded, allowing Roxanna to pluck the book from his hands and drop it into her beach bag. "You'd look lovely with sun kissed skin," he said as he got to his feet, following her to the door of their hotel room.

"You'd think so, but I don't tan, never have. I always look like a boiled lobster after even a few minutes in the sun." Roxanna rummaged around in her bag before shoving a pair of large sunglasses onto her face. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be," he said as he opened the door for them. This had been a last minute decision, to head down to Cape May, but after Roxanna had seen a picture of the stately homes there, she had bugged him to go, saying that it would appeal to his love of history, and they could also enjoy a day on the beach. Though he hadn't really been reluctant to agree, they had needed a day or two away from the lab, and the spring break to their term had afforded just that opportunity. "I just wish that we had one of those umbrellas to protect us from the sun. It's only April, but the sun is so bright some days."

"It's not like home, no. But I could get used to this, if I had to." She turned to him as he closed the door. "Wherever you are though, then I know that I'm home. Hopeless romantic me never assumed I'd be so besotted by love as to find home in a person and not a place."

He chuckled as he took hold of her hand, threading their fingers together as they walked out of the hotel and down the sidewalk, heading in the direction of the beach that wasn't very far away at all. "Home can be whatever you make of it, I'm learning," he said softly as he squeezed her hand. "We've only another six weeks together."

"I don't want to think about that. I want to think about the here and now. No day but today." He heard her sniff a little, and he tightened his grip on her hand before taking a deep breath. "No, Henrik, I'm serious. I want to live in the moment until we're both in England. Otherwise I might break down in tears every day until we leave."

"All right, Roxanna, I will try to follow your lead. From now until we leave, I will focus on everything that happens in the moment. And in the current moment, I want to kiss you." Roxanna giggled as he stopped them in the middle of the pavement, blushing a little as he kissed her delicately. "Now, about the beach?"

"Yeah," she replied as she stroked his cheek softly. "Please tell me you're going to keep this beard? I love stroking it."

"I know you do, but I don't think I'll be able to, since it's hard to be in surgery and keep the field sterile when having to worry about hairs falling into cavities." Roxanna sighed as she nodded. "I suppose that I could change directions midstream and find a different profession."

He watched as she shook her head quickly. "I will allow you to dispense of the beard as long as you continue to do what you were born to do. I have the feeling that you will be a great doctor, able to heal not just people's ills, but their hurts as well. Your calm, steady, presence has filled me with a surety I didn't have this time last year. I can only imagine what it will be like when you're employed at a hospital."

Henrik smiled as he nodded, feeling a little overwhelmed once more by her complete faith in him. "The future that you see for us is always so bright," he said as they started to walk through the sand. Roxanna pulled him over to a clear spot on the sand, crouching down while she tugged out a blanket for them to sit on. Henrik helped her spread it out, and then they were sitting down. The next thing he knew, Roxanna was pulling out a bottle and thrusting it at him.

"Here, start with my back," she murmured lowly as she peeled her top off, shoving it into the bag as she turned away from him. The bathing suit she wore was low cut in the back, and he found himself aroused by the tantalizing show of skin. Fumbling with the bottle, he poured out a liberal amount of sunscreen and worked it into her flesh, trying to ignore the soft groans that fell from her lips at the movements. "That feels heavenly, Henrik. I only wish we were somewhere a little more private so that we could do something a little more…intimate," she said as she turned back to him. "Now my chest?"

He nodded dumbly as he poured out another dollop of the lotion, carefully working it into her skin while trying to keep himself in line. "You're all set here," he said huskily as he worked some of the sunscreen onto his face and neck, watching as she coated her arms and face as well. "Go, swim, enjoy yourself. I'll be here, reading and watching you."

"Someday, I am going to get you into the ocean, darling. I understand why you don't like water, but I miss the times we can't share experiences." Roxanna bent and kissed his cheek softly before sliding her skirt down her long legs and kicking it away from her. "Try not to watch my bum as I walk away from you," she teased as she began to sashay away from him, and Henrik chuckled to himself as he did exactly that, her hips swaying so enticingly that Henrik knew exactly what they would be doing when they got back to the hotel.


	21. Chapter 21

"I am so glad that you waited for me to finish up my exams before we headed home," Roxanna said as she shoved her suitcases into the boot of the taxi they'd hired to take them to Logan International. "I just am not ready to say goodbye to you yet."

"It's not really goodbye, though, is it? We're going to write and call again this summer, and see each other when we can. I wish you could come to Sweden and see Fredrik with me, but I know that money is tight at the moment. I will make certain to take an entire roll of photographs and send them to you, so that you can see how much he's grown."

She nodded as they climbed into the back of the taxi. "I am looking forward to that more than you could possibly know, Henrik," she said as the taxi took off. "I sold my car, since I'm keeping our apartment here for my last year. And did I tell you? The college has managed to find me a roommate, so the cost won't be too exorbitant. Everything has fallen into place, even if I will feel so lonely, being the last musketeer in our lab."

"You could always rejoin the group and see if there are a few people to bring under your wing. I'm certain that there's someone you can work well with, given your sweet, sunny, personality." Roxanna sighed as Henrik ran his hand up and down her arm before clasping her hand tenderly. "I'm so glad that I have a few days before I start my F1 training at St Luke's. I'm not looking forward to dealing with the jetlag."

"I know," she said before she let her head thump down on his shoulder, sighing deeply. "I feel like I'm going to be at sixes and sevens until I'm back in Boston. I want to finish this, but I also want my life to begin." The unspoken _with you_ hung in the air between them, and he nodded a little before letting his head come to rest atop hers. The rest of the drive was quiet, and he paid the tab with the last of his dollars before helping Roxanna take their cases out of the boot and heading into the airport.

It didn't take long for them to get through security and find their gate after they'd checked in, and Henrik left his carry on with her before getting coffee for them to enjoy before their flight left. By the time he got back to Roxanna, she was chattering cheerfully to the person who had taken a seat across from them, and he smiled as he sank down next to her, handing over her cup before sipping at his own. "Henrik, Anne is from the same town I am! Small world, huh?" she said before turning her focus back to Anne. "This is my partner, Henrik. He's heading home to England for good, while I still have a year to finish up in America before I can be home for good."

The woman nodded as she smiled at him. "It's always nice to have something to return home to, though," she said lowly before she got up. "I should probably leave you two alone, though, since it sounds like you're going to be apart for quite some time." Anne waggled her fingers at them before going over to the window and staring out at the planes.

"Trust you to make a friend in the short time I was gone," he teased before he took another swig of coffee.

"I have that sort of face," she replied as she cozied up to him, curling her legs beneath her as she let out a long breath. "You did rent us a room for tonight, yeah?"

"I didn't forget, no. I was only able to get us a place at a cheaper hotel, but I don't think we're going to be doing much other than sleeping in the bed."

"Oh, you were planning on sleeping." There wasn't a question there, and Henrik wondered if he had done something wrong, to elicit that sort of reaction. Quickly, he turned his head, only to see the smirk dancing around her lips. "I had something much different in mind, though it will involve our bed." Henrik cleared his throat a little when her hand came to rest on his upper thigh, her fingers straying dangerously close to his crotch.

"You are a naughty one, Roxanna. We are in public."

"Isn't that the thrill of things?" she asked as she squeezed his thigh before withdrawing her hand. Henrik tried to hold in his moan of disappointment, but a small sound still escaped his lips as he slumped in his seat a little, trying to think of anything other than the luscious delights awaiting him at their journey's end. Roxanna chuckled knowingly and drained the rest of her coffee before rummaging around in her purse and pulling out a small volume of poetry. "I could read you something, if you'd like?"

"That's all right, darling, save your voice for later." Roxanna choked on her breath and he smirked a little himself at having caught her off guard. "Have I told you that I do so love when you mewl my name right before everything falls apart? Or how much I love the way your entire body seems to flush the closer you get to that sweet precipice?"

He couldn't really explain where his words were coming from, but he knew that he was enjoying the way she squirmed in her seat before she swallowed thickly. "Aren't you the bold one?" she asked as massaged her neck a little, that telltale flush starting to spread down her neck and into her chest. "This is going to be our sweetest night together. I want to pick up a bottle of bubbly and some cheese, maybe some fruit. After all, there will be some other appetites we'll need to sate before we fall asleep."

"Of course, darling." They shared a secretive smile before he also pulled out a book to read, quickly losing himself in the story until they began boarding. He helped Roxanna to her feet, and hand in hand they went into the plane, quickly finding their seats. Roxanna slid in next to the window whilst he placed their bags in the overhead compartment, making certain to keep out their books for the journey, though he knew they wouldn't be doing much reading.

"Henrik?" He looked down at Roxanna and nodded. "Would you grab my cardigan from my bag before you sit down? I'm already cold, and we haven't taken off yet."

He smiled as he rummaged through her bag and pulled out the soft pink cardigan, tossing it to her before sliding into their row and taking a seat next to his partner, fastening his belt before placing his book in the pocket in front of him as he tried to make himself comfortable. "Is there anything else that you need?"

"No, I'll be fine. But stretch your legs out in my space, please. I know that you'll just get a cramp if you don't." Roxanna clasped his hand as she smiled at him. "And since we can't join the mile high club, we'll just have to content ourselves with being comfortable." He nodded and smiled as she kissed his cheek, not wanting this moment to end.


	22. Chapter 22

"Why the long face, Hanssen?"

Henrik looked up into the smirking face of his mentor and shrugged a little. "It's a bit odd to be going from the theoretical world of my research into the practical world of general surgery. I'm learning so much, but I feel like I'm so far behind."

Graham sank down next to him at the table and stared at him until Henrik felt uncomfortable. Though that was par for the course this past week. He just couldn't gel with the people he was supposed to be working with on this rotation, and they all seemed too noisy, too messy, too much, when compared to the quiet way he and Roxanna had learned to work together over the last few years. He was far out of his comfort zone, and he wanted nothing more than to sink into his partner's arms and have her hide him away from the world. A part of him knew that he was sliding towards a depression, even though it had only been a week since they saw each other last, and he would have to fight hard to keep from falling into that great darkness.

"You're a million miles away again, Henrik."

He shook his head a little as he took a deep breath. "I was thinking about my partner, and how much I miss her. I know that I need to get through this year, and then we'll be together again, but this is our first test of separation. Because she goes back to school in Boston in eleven weeks, and I'm stuck here."

"That's an odd choice of words, Henrik. Stuck. Are you feeling frustrated by that?"

"No," he muttered as he watched Graham light a cigarette.

"Sorry, do you want one?"

He shook his head. "I gave them up for Roxanna. She doesn't like kissing an ashtray, and I'd rather kiss her than anything else in this world." Graham gave him a knowing look before slowly shaking his head as well. "What?"

"You don't have to be led around by the nose, Henrik. Your partner's not here, she'll never know if you have a fag or two."

He pursed his lips together as he pushed away from the table and walked over to the door. "But I would know that I've lied to her, and I don't want to have that hanging between us. I care for her far too much to do something like that."

Graham shook his head a little as he took another drag off his cigarette. "It's your life, you might as well live a little while you're here."

"I will keep that under advisement, sir," he said shortly before leaving the break room and making his was out onto the ward. Knowing that he needed to settle his spirit before he was required to go about his work once more, Henrik headed for the roof, knowing that being able to look at the scenery and imagine that Roxanna was somewhere out there, waiting for him, would do wonders for calming him. Thankfully, no one questioned him as he made his way up, and Henrik soon found himself outside for the first time that shift.

"I see I'm not the only person who likes to escape."

Whirling around, he saw a short young woman standing close to the edge of the roof, staring at him as he carefully approached her. "I thought that this would be the perfect place to get away from everyone. I can leave if it will…"

"No, you're fine! It's good to know that there are other people like me on staff. You're one of the new F1s, yeah?" He nodded. "Are you hoping to make this your final hospital, then?"

"I hadn't really thought about that, honestly. It will all depend on if my partner can secure an F1 position here or not. I really would like for us to work together as much as possible." The woman nodded solemnly before stepping away from the edge and regarding him closely. "She still has a year left in Boston, but then we're starting our lives together.

"You miss her, don't you?" He didn't want to appear too obvious or desperate, but it was clear that the woman had read him like an open book. "It's okay, I get it. You're allowed to love and miss whoever. And if you ever need anyone to talk to, my ear is always open. As long as you don't plan to take a rotation through the psych department."

Trust him to have run into a therapist, and Henrik nodded a little, knowing that he probably wouldn't avail himself of her services. She chuckled a little before patting his arm lightly and making her way over to the door. Once he was certain he was alone, Henrik stepped as close as he possibly dared to the edge of the building and looked down, feeling a bit dizzy by doing so. Stepping back a little, Henrik took a few deep breaths before looking out across the horizon. Even though the hospital was in the city centre, there was still quite the view, and he wished that he could share it with Roxanna somehow. "I'll have to bring my camera up here to take a few pictures for my next letter, Roxanna," he said quietly before he turned on his heel and made his own way back inside the hospital.

By the time he had made his way down the stairs and back onto his ward, it was just about time to start rounds once more, and he made certain to straighten his scrubs and take a few deep breaths before he went over to Graham's side and stood there attentively. "So, the plan this afternoon is to see Mrs Jennings through her hernia surgery. It should be a simple enough procedure; do you feel up to taking the lead on it today?"

Henrik nodded a little, knowing what a large undertaking that would be. It wasn't that he wasn't ready to take such a step, but it was another thing to know that he would be taking the lead on a surgery already. Still, Graham wouldn't offer him this opportunity if he wasn't ready for it. "I am honoured that you feel I'm ready for this step, sir."

"This is a teaching hospital. You can't hold onto my strings forever, after all."

He nodded again before taking a deep breath. "When do we head into theatre?" he asked, looking at the board for Mrs Jennings name.

"In thirty minutes. Which means you have twenty nine minutes to make a complete and thorough set of rounds on the ward."

Henrik swallowed as he drew himself up to his full height. "I will be sure to do just that, sir," he replied before heading to the first bed. He made certain to listen to the patient as he looked at the chart in front of him, making a few observations and reassuring the woman that everything would be all right and that they would take good care of her. This continued on through the rest of the beds, until he was coming to Mrs Jennings. Graham was already there, speaking to her lowly and reassuringly. "And how are you feeling about this afternoon, Mrs Jennings?" he said lowly as he picked up her chart, looking through it to familiarize himself with her symptoms, knowing that he would need the information once he had brought her back to the operating theatre. She gave him a small smile and started to speak, all while he paid careful attention, getting to know her a little better as they prepared her for her surgery.


	23. Chapter 23

"Henrik! It is so good to hear your voice!" Roxanna said happily, and he smiled to hear her. It had only been a few days since they had last spoken, but it felt like much longer. "Are you settling into your position any better?"

"I wish that I could tell you yes," he replied carefully as he stretched out on his sofa, staring at the painting on the wall as he tried to think of what to tell her. Graham was being a little harder on him now, since he had proven himself in theatre enough to impress the man, and while that pleased him to an extent, he still felt like he was floundering. "I miss you. We haven't seen each other in weeks, and I thought this would be easier."

"Well, here's the good news, then. Since you sent my your schedule, I was able to ask for a few days off from work, and I am going to visit at the end of the week. My train arrives on Thursday evening, and I have to head back Sunday evening, but for two glorious days, I'm yours."

He smiled as his eyes closed, picturing her face on the other end of the line. "I do have to work Sunday morning, you know."

"I know, but this will give me the opportunity to explore the area and I can still head to church, and it will perfect. Do you know how much I am looking forward to being in your arms once more? You haunt my dreams, int the best possible way, darling."

Henrik chuckled a little. "You traipse through my dreams as well. According to Graham, I've said your name in my sleep whilst trying to catch a nap in the on-call room."

"Oh!" The sound was so pleased that he couldn't stop a matching sound of pleasure from escaping his lips as well. "Why does it have to be Monday evening and not Wednesday? Three more sleeps, I don't know if I can make it."

"You can do anything you set your mind to, Roxy. Did you get my last letter?"

"Uh huh. I loved being able to see a little of what you get to see every day. And your skyline is beautiful. Please, would you mind going to the roof one morning before the sun rises and taking a few pictures of that? I know, you've been so kind to take so many pictures already, but…I jealously want a few more."

"I will oblige you, Roxanna."

"Good. Now, I would send you my letter, but I'll be with you before it arrives, so I'll hand it to you myself. I'm already starting to prepare for going back to Boston, can you believe that? Time is simultaneously going by too quickly and too slowly. I've already put some feelers in at your hospital in Sunderland, since they have a pretty good neurosurgical department. I think that I stand a pretty good chance to get in there, but I don't want to jinx anything, you know?"

"I do, yes. Um…"

"Yes, Henrik?"

He took a deep breath before opening his eyes and staring at the painting once more. "I'm casually seeing one of the therapists here. We met up on the roof, I think I wrote about that in one of my letters to you?"

"Yes, Caroline DeBlaay, right? I'm so glad that you're talking to someone, Henrik, even if it is a casual thing. I know that I won't be able to fix everything in you, so knowing that you have a good support system in place is a blessing to this heart of mine." He heard her sniffle a little, and clucked his tongue at the notion of having made her cry. "Hush, you know I cry easily at some things! Like, when I see you Thursday evening. Oh, Dad wanted me to tell you that he can't wait to see you again. I know that it will be a while, but he likes you! He hasn't really liked any of my past boyfriends, so that is a great accomplishment."

"That's always good to know," he said quietly, thinking about how much he wanted to continue making a good impression on Callum. "So, read any good books lately?"

"I'm actually rereading _Persuasion_ right now. I always come back to this book when I have time. I know, you'd think I was an Emma, right? The bubbly personality who believes in true love and pushing people towards their right path, that seems like me. But I have always felt this affinity for Anne, deep in my bones."

It was another puzzle piece to Roxanna that he filed away in his heart, and he let out a soft sigh. "I wish that I had a book like that. But I find it so difficult to get into fiction."

"Perhaps you haven't read the right book? I know that I have to find a particular voice to draw me in, but I'm not always successful at finding the author who fits me. Have you ever read Austen? I know that her wit would appeal to you greatly."

"Perhaps. So, I should start with that book, then?"

"No, I think you should start with _Pride and Prejudice_." He made a noncommittal sound in the back of his throat, and Roxanna chuckled a little. "I suppose that you want to start with my favourite, even though I'm telling you that it's not one you can just jump into?"

"Guilty," he said as he rubbed his head a little. "I just want to understand you more, Roxanna. Being able to have these little pieces of you that I can hold onto and treasure for when we're separated. Though I suppose that I should listen to you, shouldn't I?"

"And why would that be?" she asked with a teasing lilt.

He swallowed a little, knowing that if he rolled his eyes, Roxanna would know and call him out on it. "Because you are generally right. As much as it pains me to admit that, you are going to always be my better half."

"That is what a girl loves to hear, Henrik. But I rather think that you are my better half, too. So if we have two better halves, does that make us a more perfect whole?"

Henrik did like the sound of that, so he nodded a little as he reached for his mug of tea, sipping from it before answering her. "If you'd like to think of us that way, I would be most pleased. The two halves of our hearts melding together to become stronger in the end."

"Yes. Oh, Henrik, I cannot wait to see you in a few days! Just know until we meet again, I love you truly and deeply. Dad is giving me the wrap it up look, otherwise I'd talk your ear off until I fell asleep."

"And I would gladly allow that. But I also need to start making supper before winding down for the evening. These six a.m. shifts seem to come earlier and earlier as the days go on."

"Yet you were never one to shy away from even earlier days in the lab…"

"Yes, well, that was when I could do exactly as I pleased and call it an early day if need be. One can't do that in the professional setting." He listened to her chuckle softly, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "All right, I will let you go now. Until Thursday, I carry your heart close to mine."

"Just as I carry yours with mine." They kissed into the receivers, and then he hung up, so glad that he had something to look forward to for the end of the week.


	24. Chapter 24

Henrik looked up and down the platform once more, trying to find his Roxanna, wanting to be the one to call out her name first this time, since she was ever so good at finding him first. Finally, he spotted her, and a grin split his lips as he raised his hand and waved at her. "Roxanna!" he called out, watching the lovely smile that lit up her face as she picked up her pace and hurried over to his side.

"Oh, how I have missed your face, darling," she murmured before wrapping an arm around his neck and pulling him close for a frantic kiss. "The train ride seemed to take forever," she said as she clasped his hand tightly, allowing him to lead her out into the streets.

"Well, it's a good thing that I live really close to a Thai takeaway place, and we can pick it up on the way home. I have the feeling that we're going to need good food to eat before the evening ahead of us."

From the corner of his eye, he watched as Roxanna blushed a little, ducking her head into her chest as she shrugged a little. "Who said that we were going to do anything this weekend other than sleep?" She winked quickly before letting out her endearing chuckle, and Henrik squeezed her hand tightly before answering with his own chuckle. The balmy late afternoon air encouraged him to walk slowly with her, finding himself pleased to have this time with her, spent in a gentle silence that seemed to gel something between them.

The takeaway place didn't take too long, since they knew his order right away, and Roxanna just ordered the same thing, paying for it before he could even fumble his wallet out of his pocket. "Roxy…"

"Let me get it while I can! We both know that as soon as I become an F1, there's not going to be as much ready cash available to us. We're going to have to pay off our loans and prepare for the future we both want. Unless you plan on staying in your flat for our married life?" she said as she grabbed the bag from the worker's hands.

He shook his head a little as he reclaimed Roxanna's hand. "No, we'll need a house at some point, with a garden for our children to play in. If we're going to have Fredrik in our lives, well, he'll need his own room, sooner rather than later."

"Uh huh," Roxanna breathed out as he let them into the flat. "I really like this building!"

"And the rent is quite nice, too," he said off-handedly as he stepped out of his shoes. Roxanna followed suit before he led them into the small kitchen, gesturing for her to take a seat at the table while he took out glasses for them. "Do you want to use plates, or just eat from the cartons?" he asked as he took a few steps over to the counter, opening a fresh bottle of wine for them.

"I'm fine just eating from the cartons. No need to waste water on washing a full load of dishes when they've included chopsticks in the bag."

He turned to see that she had set out their food and he nodded as he held out one glass. Roxanna took it, and with both hands free again, he brought the bottle and his glass of wine to the table, taking a seat across from her and splitting his chopsticks before digging in. "How was journey?" he asked, watching her face carefully to see if she would hold anything back from him.

"One second," she said through a mouthful of food, and he dipped his head a little as he waited for her to chew and swallow. "It was lovely! I've never been to this part of England before, so it was nice to see a different landscape pass me by. And if we both get assigned here, I'm going to love calling it home. Because I'll have you and my work and this beautiful place."

"I like the way you see our future, Roxanna," he said before taking another bite. "Have you chosen all your seminars and classes for your last year?"

She nodded as she chewed. "Everything is lining up perfectly, and I just have to bear those nine months without you before returning home to England forever. I mean, we've spent a few months apart before, we can handle this, yes?"

Tears sparkled in her eyes, and he nodded as they continued to eat. The silence between them softened into something so comfortable that he didn't want to break it by saying something trite, and so he just smiled a little as they finished their meal, watching Roxanna closely to make certain that she wasn't going to break down. She eventually rolled her eyes at him, which made him chuckle a little, and soon they were just laughing as they ate. It felt good to let go with her, and once they had finally gotten control of themselves, Henrik had to swipe away tears of mirth from his cheeks. "I think that we can more than handle whatever life throws at us, Roxanna."

"Suddenly, I feel like that is much truer than it was a few moments ago. I'm sorry that I'm such a numpty at times. This is all a little new to me."

"It's still new to me, too, darling." The endearment seemed to be falling from his lips even easier than ever, and he relished his ability to open up to her in a way that he had never thought possible. Up until he had chosen Roxanna, he had assumed that John was right. The work was the only thing that mattered, and that he would never be able to love anyone the way he loved the work. Then Roxanna had barreled into their lives, and everything had just fundamentally shifted for him.

Roxanna reached across the table to tap his hand lightly, getting his attention. "You disappeared on me for a moment. Care to share where you went?"

"I was just thinking about how you upended my life in the best possible way. And now I know that while our work is so very important, there are other things to our lives than that." The warm smile she gave him seemed to light a fire in his chest, and he pushed away from the table to cross around to her side, bending in low to give her a tender kiss. "Are you ready to head into the living room?"

"I was thinking that we could head up to the bedroom and talk. Bring the wine bottle, our glasses, and just get comfortable talking. I'm certain that you probably have some new things to tell me about Fredrik, and I have a few stories to tell you about home, and I really just want to be snuggled up close to you as we do that."

Roxanna got up and closed their cartons of food, putting the leftovers in his small refrigerator before picking up their glasses and the bottle. "Roxy…"

"We'll be careful, I promise. Okay? And grab my satchel? Since I have the wine?" He nodded, knowing that he couldn't argue with her, and not really wanting to, any way.


	25. Chapter 25

"Sit on the bed, Henrik," Roxanna said firmly as she set the wine on his nightstand. He cocked his head to one side, trying to figure out what she was driving at, and she shook her head, a coy smile on her lips. "I think you'll enjoy this, since I didn't bring anything other than your jumper to sleep in."

A hint of a smile began to dance around his face as he nodded. "Yes, darling," he said as he sat, taking hold of his wine glass and sipping at it as he watched to see what she would do next. The coy look on her face faltered a moment, and he knew that she was nervous for some reason, and he made certain to keep watching her, the smile never leaving his lips. She took a deep breath as she unbuckled the belt around her waist, letting it fall to the floor as she danced to a song in her head. The next thing she did was unzip her jean skirt, twitching her hips until it fell to the floor, leaving her in just her panties and shirt. He felt his nostrils flare a little as her hands moved to the buttons on her shirt, slowly undoing them from the bottom up. The fabric gaped apart, and he unconsciously licked his lips in anticipation of what came next.

"Do you like what you see?" she teased as she shrugged her shoulders, the shirt falling to the floor to join the growing pile of her clothes as she reached behind her back and hurriedly unclipped her bra, pulling it off her body before bending down and grabbing all her clothes, sashaying over to where he had left her satchel and pulling out his jumper, tugging it over her head before joining him on the bed, reaching out for her wine glass. "I need a little more confidence before that will last a little longer, Henrik. I just wanted to try something a little out of the box?"

He nodded as he handed Roxanna her glass before slinging his arm around her waist and bundling her close, welcoming the feel of her head coming to rest on his shoulder. "I'm pleased that you felt comfortable enough to share that with me, Roxy." Henrik kissed the top of her head as he ran his hand up and down her side. "I really don't think that it's my jumper any longer, though, do you? It looks much better on you, anyway."

She sighed happily before giggling. "That suits me just fine." Roxanna drained her glass before handing it back to him and scooting around on his bed until she was relaxing against the headboard. Henrik refilled their glasses before copying her posture. "So, tell me all about Fredrik! He must be getting big already. It's been months since we've seen him, after all."

He smiled as he nodded, leaning back to the nightstand to open the top drawer and pull out a stack of letters. Most of them were from Roxanna, but the latest one from Maja was near the top. Shuffling through the envelopes, he pulled it out and replaced the letters in the drawer. "Here, you can look at the pictures she sent," he said softly as he pulled everything out of the envelope, handing over the photographs as he unfolded the letter and cleared his throat. "Fredrik is growing like a weed, and I have the feeling that he will be just as tall as you are by the time he is an adult," he read, trying to skip over some of the more unimportant details, like how Maja constantly reminded him that they could still be a family, if he would only return to Sweden, and take up practicing medicine there. Roxanna seemed to know that he was holding back, since she moved closer to him, resting her head on his chest as she cooed a little at the picture of Fredrik.

"He's starting to look more like Maja, though he does have your curly hair. Oh, Henrik, I cannot wait to be a larger part of his life. Even if it does mean that our budgets are going to have to be a little tighter to afford trips to Sweden." He let his arm come to rest around her shoulders as he nodded. "Seriously, any future that we have together includes your son. I knew that the moment you told me about Fredrik, and I understand." Roxanna lifted her head so that she could brush her lips against his jaw.

"When I find out what I ever did to deserve you in my life," he said lowly, half hoping that she wouldn't hear, "I will sing the highest praises to the heavens." From the pleased sigh that erupted from her lips, he knew that she had overheard, but he supposed that was all right, since she would always keep his confidences.

"I might hold you to that, Henrik. So long as I get to choose the song you sing. Most likely something Wagnerian." He let out a surprised chortle, and she nodded. "Don't think I haven't paid attention to what you listen to when you need to calm down, Henrik. I have made it my mission to learn as much about you as I can, even if it means I have to pay even more careful attention to the things you don't say. You're still a bit of a mystery to me at times, and I love a good mystery."

"And for all your open-hearted ways, you are a lot like me, Roxy. There are hidden facets to you that I can only get a handle on when I glance at you out of the corner of my eye, catching you at an unguarded time." He took her wine glass from her hand and set it next to his on the nightstand before stuffing the letter and pictures back into the envelope.

"Oh, please, let me take one of the pictures home with me! And we need to get our picture taken together before I head back, too. You keep running through my dreams, but I need a current face to attach to my dream lover."

He nodded as he took out the picture she had been so enamoured with earlier, setting it on the nightstand before sticking the letter in the drawer and turning his focus on her once more. "It's only nine months, that's almost the length of a pregnancy, and those don't seem to take too long."

"Tell that to the woman carrying the fetus," she replied drily, and he chuckled as they dug their feet beneath the covers and stretched out on the bed in tandem. Then he was turning to her, bringing his arm to rest around her waist as he looked into her eyes. "So, I was able to get tickets to the concert I was telling you about in my last letter. Maggie is going with me, since I don't really like going to concerts alone, and I knew you wouldn't be able to come with me. Though once we're together, I am dragging you to a few, when we have time. I'll even go to the opera for you, as a compromise."

"A compromise?" he asked, arching an eyebrow. She dissolved into giggles as she nodded, and Henrik slipped his hand down her back to cup her arse as he shook his head. "You do know that I've caught you humming along to my music in the lab. And even when there is no music, you're starting to sing the songs I play over and over again."

Roxanna nodded as she reached out and brushed a lock of hair out of his face. "Guilty." She grinned a little before leaning in and kissing him softly. "But I won't stop. I've even picked up a few records for the lab that reminded me of you, so that you'll be with me in spirit at least." He smiled as he slipped his hand beneath the jumper to run up her back, letting his thumb brush against the swell of her breast as he kissed her deeply, knowing that the time for talking was now at an end.


	26. Chapter 26

"Where is your mind today, Henrik?"

He looked up at Graham and shook his head a little. "Just thinking about the fact that Roxanna left for Boston today, and I wasn't there to see her off. I know that I have responsibilities here, but there are things other than the work," he said, knowing that his mentor would understand where he was coming from. The last two months had seen their working relationship flourish, since he did remind Henrik of an older, male, version of Roxanna at times, beneath his more John like exterior.

"This is true, but she's only there for the length of the term, and then she'll be working here."

Henrik looked up at him in surprise, feeling his brows furrow together in confusion. "I'm sorry? The last I heard, she was hoping to get a position here for her foundation training."

"I may have pulled a few strings to look at our candidates who have put out feelers already, and Roxanna MacMillan is the best of all the candidates so far. So I put in a good word for her, knowing that it would be important for you to work with her, since it sounds like you're pretty committed to each other already."

He nodded and leaned back in his chair, staring at the table as a small smile appeared on his face. "We are. I cannot imagine how my life would have turned out had we not gotten into a relationship. Somehow, I think my life would be a bit greyer."

Graham nodded a little as he patted Henrik's shoulder gently. "That's how I felt about my wife when I met her in my undergrad program. Though we married before I started med school."

"I know that she wants to get married, but I'm not certain that I want that. We're happy the way we are, so why would I want to rock the boat?"

Graham chuckled as he took a seat across from Henrik, setting his mug on the table. Henrik looked at him, trying to figure out what he was going to tell him. "There's a sense of permanence to a relationship once you marry. And from what you've told me about Roxanna so far, she's a bit of a traditionalist in some respects despite her more flighty tendencies."

Henrik chuckled a little as he nodded. "She's probably going to want a large church wedding, if I know her."

"What would you want? No, let me guess, something small and private, with only your closest friends, held in a guildhouse." He nodded guiltily, listening to Graham's big laugh fill the room. "Oh, Henrik, I don't think that she'll agree to that, but you can always try."

He nodded and took a deep breath as he thought about the future in an entirely different way. This was something he knew he would be discussing with Caroline later, since he felt a little overwhelmed at the thought that he wouldn't be listened to, if he went to Roxanna with his wishes. He was hoping that there would be compromise, but the idea that a big spectacle would be expected of him caused a thin crack of worry to appear in the bubble of his relationship with Roxanna. Graham fell silent as Henrik finished his meal, and then he gave his mentor a small wave before heading back into the ward and making his rounds.

"Has my husband arrived yet?" Henrik looked from the older woman, so small and frail in her bed, to the nurse on duty, seeing the small shake of her head. "Doctor?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think he'd made it here yet. How long have you been married?" he asked as he began to do his obs, taking careful note of everything that seemed to be out of the ordinary. The woman, Mrs Simpson, seemed more keen on getting him to listen to her, as her thin hand grabbed hold of his tightly, forcing him to look at her. "Ma'am?"

"We've been together for fifty years. Which should be enough time, but it feels like barely a day. Could someone call my house to make certain that he's all right? And when he's planning on coming? I go into surgery in four hours, and I don't want to face it without him by my side."

Henrik finished his observations before nodding a little. "I'm certain the nurse can take care of that for you, Mrs Simpson." He tried to gently extract his hand from her hold, only for her to squeeze all the tighter, keeping him by her side. "I do have other patients that need my attention. Like I said, the nurse will take care of your needs, and everything will be fine, in the end."

"What if it's not, though? You shouldn't make promises that you cannot keep, and this is certainly one of those situations. I'll be lost without him, you know. He's always been the Sun to my Earth." A few tears slipped down the older woman's cheeks, and Henrik let out a low breath, hoping that it didn't sound like a sigh, as he didn't want to offend her.

"You're right, I don't know if everything is all right. Would you like me to sit with you until the nurse has contacted your husband?" She nodded and Henrik drew in a long breath before answering her with a slightly sharp nod, glancing at the nurse with a look that told her to hurry.

Folding his body into the small chair at her bedside, Henrik was finally able to pull his hand back into his lap, and he gazed at her, trying to stay calm and measured. He knew that patients mattered, and he needed to respect all their wishes when it lay in his ability to do so. "Do you have a wife?"

Henrik shook his head, though he felt his features soften as the idea of Roxanna flitted through his head at Mrs Simpson's question. "I have a partner. She's in Boston right now, finishing up her formal education before she returns home and starts the more practical education of learning to be a neurosurgeon."

"But you love her?"

"With all my heart." The words slipped out before he could capture them in his mouth, and Mrs Simpson gave him a warm smile as she brushed away a few tears from her cheeks.

"So, you understand why it's so important that my Johnny is here. If you were in hospital, facing surgery which you might not survive…" He went to protest that, only to have her wave her hand a little to stop him from speaking. "You would want her by your side. Because it's only when you see the one who holds your heart that you feel at ease with whatever might happen. Your love might be new and shiny, but when you've really sunk into things, you'll find that the separation tears at you in ways you never knew. Until it happens that you're in hospital and needing surgery, and your Johnny…"

"Is incredibly late, and sorry for worrying the love of his life." Henrik glanced over to see the older man approaching them, a small potted plant in his hands. "I went past a house where these were for sale, and I knew it would brighten your spirits. And then I got caught in traffic. But I'm here now."

"And that's all that matters, darling," Mrs Simpson replied, giving Henrik a small wink as he stood and allowed Johnny to take his seat so that he could continue his rounds, having something new to think about as he considered his relationship with Roxanna.


	27. Chapter 27

"Surprise!"

Henrik looked up from his reports to see Roxanna standing there, her hair back to blonde once more, and falling a little past her shoulders, and he smiled dazedly. "What are you…?"

"I scraped together a bit of money to come visit you during my fall break. Turns out tutoring can be slightly lucrative, when the student is desperate enough." She plopped down into the free chair in the nurse's station, and reached out, taking hold of his hand and squeezing it tightly. "Graham told me where I could find you, since he recognized the slightly lost look I had on my face as I wandered around near the coffee shop downstairs."

He finally smiled as he nodded, squeezing her hand back. "He's a really good mentor."

"So I've gathered from your letters and my short interaction with him. I know, you still have an hour to go on your shift, but I've been allowed to shadow you as you do your last round of obs. Graham said that it's because it's early in the morning, so there aren't many patients either awake or here."

He nodded as he finished the last report on his stack, pushing his glasses up his nose as he stood, not wanting to let go of Roxanna's hand but knowing that he had to in order to accomplish his work. "All right, my little shadow, let's head out on those rounds." She nodded eagerly before comporting herself, a serious, yet open, look on her face. "Your doctor face is brilliant, Roxy."

"I've been practicing, Henrik." They nodded, and then she winked, breaking a little of the tension between them as he brought her out with him. Graham was correct, there weren't very many people on the ward at the moment, and most of them were sleeping still, making his work that much easier. Roxanna asked a few insightful questions that he was glad to answer, and the patients seemed to respond well to her demeanor, which he found to be so calm and sweet, a more muted version of herself. A tiny smile graced his face as he realized just how good a doctor she would be.

"All right, Henrik, go change. I'll keep Roxanna company while you do."

They both looked at Graham, and Henrik nodded a little before reaching out and brushing his hand across Roxanna's arm as he made his way towards the locker room, opening his locker and taking out his clothes and quickly changing out of his scrubs. It felt good to be in his own clothes, and Henrik rolled his shoulders a little before shouldering his satchel and making his way back to Roxanna and Graham. They were talking quietly at the nurse's station, but Roxanna must have sensed his approach, as she glanced over at him, a dazzling smile on her lips. A quick look to Graham showed that he had a knowing smirk on his lips as he surreptitiously held up his left hand and stroked his ring finger with his right hand.

"Ready to head out?" Roxanna asked as she slipped her arm around his waist. He looked to Graham and saw the small nod there before he nodded as well. "Perfect! I thought we could get a late brekkie and then I can take a nap in your bed?"

"That sounds lovely," he said as they started for the lifts. "Did you have a good conversation with Graham?"

"I did. He seems like a lovely person to work with, Henrik, and I wish that I could do my foundation work with him, but I don't think that will happen."

"You could always do a rotation in general surgery?" he said as he pressed the down button. She shrugged a little, her duffle bag falling off her shoulder to dangle from the crook of her arm. Henrik reached out and took hold of it, slinging it over his shoulder as the doors opened and they walked in. Roxanna pressed the button for the ground floor before getting into his space once more, and he instinctively put his arm around her waist, relishing her warm weight pressing against his body as the elevator travelled downwards. "I mean, it would help make you a little more flexible, in the long run."

"I might have to consider that. And if it meant I got to spend more time with you, well, that would just be the cherry on the top, wouldn't it?" He nodded, squeezing her waist a little as the doors opened and they stepped out in tandem. Henrik led her over to his car, putting their bags in the boot before getting behind the wheel and pulling out of his spot, taking them to one of his favorite little nooks for food.

Thankfully, it wasn't too busy, and they were able to get a booth, and Roxanna chose to slide in next to him, rather than across, which surprised him until her head thumped down on his shoulder. "Why are you so tired? Usually the flight doesn't bother you so much."

"I had a nightmare of a flight, darling. I was in the middle seat, and on one side of me was a mother and baby. Which would have been fine if he had slept the entire flight. But no, he screamed his head off for the majority of the flight. On my other side was a man who thought it would be delightful if he took his shoes and socks off to clip his toenails. Between the smell and the noise, I got maybe ten minutes sleep, and that wasn't restful at all. I tried to put on a good mask at the hospital, but that took up the rest of my very small energy reserves."

To his shock, she started to cry, and he allowed her to curl up against him as his regular server came up to their booth. "Two cups of coffee, black, and two full breakfasts, thanks." She nodded and moved away once more, allowing Henrik to wrap his arm around Roxanna's shoulders and hold her close as she cried out her exhaustion. "I love you," he murmured into her hair, and Roxanna mumbled something in response as she buried her face into the crook of his neck.

Just as the server set down their coffee, Roxanna stopped crying, pulling away from his to sit up and swipe at her eyes. "And I love you, too. I'm sorry for being so emotional."

"You're fine, Roxy, don't worry," he said soothingly as he pulled his handkerchief from his pocket, turning her face towards him so that he could clear her face of the tracks left by her tears. She leaned into the touches, and he couldn't stop himself from pressing a quick kiss to her lips before tweaking her nose lightly. "Now, drink some of your coffee. Maybe the caffeine will help perk you up, at least until we get back to my flat."

She nodded a little as she slumped back against the booth and reached for her mug, bringing it to her lips and taking a long sip before sighing with pleasure. "This is heavenly, Henrik. Being here in your arms, with delicious coffee, hopefully just as delicious food, and knowing that this will be my everyday reality very soon, makes me so very contented." He nodded before picking up his own mug and drinking from it, looking forward to the time they would be able to spend together.


	28. Chapter 28

Henrik woke up to Roxanna's hand tugging on his chest hair lightly. Blinking open his eyes, he blearily looked down at Roxanna's face, seeing that her eyes were closed, a soft smile on her lips. This was their last morning together, since she had gotten the latest flight back to Boston, in order to maximize their time together, and he wanted to spend as much of it in bed as possible. "Good morning, darling," she said huskily as she opened her eyes and leaned in to kiss him deeply, pushing him onto his back as she straddled him, reaching out to his nightstand and grabbing his glasses and gently putting them on his face. Henrik adjusted them a little as he stared up at her, sharing the smile on her lips.

"Good morning, Roxanna." He reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before running his hand down her arm and leg, resting it on her knee as he stared up at her. "I hate that it gets harder and harder to stay goodbye to you."

"It's only a few more times, Henrik, and then we can be together for as long as you'll have me." Roxanna blinked a few times before drawing in a deep breath. "I don't think I want to make love this morning, because last night was so good. But I would like to try something different?"

"What would that be?" he asked as he rubbed his hand up and down her thigh, never taking his eyes from hers.

"We haven't showered together yet."

Her words were rushed, which told Henrik how nervous she was about voicing her desires. He hated that she felt like he would reject her for that, but he also understood, since they had never really formally set any boundaries for sex. The quiet that dropped between them caused a blush to rise up in her cheeks, and he shook his head a little as he squeezed her thigh tenderly. "We do need to get clean, don't we?"

A beauteous smile spread across her features as she slipped off him, holding her hand out to him in anticipation. He chuckled as he took hold of it, letting her pull him to his feet before they traipsed across the hall to his bathroom. "My only other request is that you wash my hair with your shampoo, so that I can at least smell like you all the way home."

"Of course I can do that," he said as they stepped into the shower. It was a bit of a tight fit, but that seemed to make everything that much more intimate, and he turned them so that his back would be hit by the water first. She smiled up at him as she turned the water on, allowing it to flood down on them. He shivered a little at how cold it was, until she fiddled with the temperature control, setting it to the perfect warmth.

It was so easy to lean down and start kissing her as they moved around in the shower, wetting their bodies and hair. His hands slid up her torso to cup her breasts, and Roxanna groaned against his lips as she plastered her body closer to his. "This isn't quite how I imagined it to go," she said as she panted, pulling her head back to look at him. "I just can't stop kissing you, Henrik."

"I feel the same, Roxanna." She giggled a little before bending down and picking up his bodywash, pouring a little out in her hands before starting to rub them over his chest and arms, working up a lather before indicating for him to turn and repeating the movements on his back. "May I?"

"That was always the plan, darling," she said lowly before pressing her lips to his lower back, sending shivers of desire coursing through him. He turned to face her, taking a good look at her body as she stood once more, and he sighed to know that someone as lovely as her had chosen someone like him to be with. "I love how you see me."

He nodded as he poured bodywash into his hands and began to lather her body, relishing the feel of how she reacted, as if she couldn't control the desire coursing through her veins as he washed her skin. "You are so gorgeous, Roxy," he said lowly as his hand brushed against her vulva, causing her hips to buck against him as a small whine slipped from her lips. He slid his hands up her body before pulling her shoulders towards him, plastering their bodies together once more as the water fell down around them once more, washing off the suds.

"And now for our hair. You might have to crouch down a little so that I can lather up your luscious locks." He chuckled a little as he nodded, bending slight to accommodate her. Once she had finished that, he took the bottle from her and poured a dollop of it onto her head before burying his fingers into her hair, working it in and massaging her scalp, listening to her purr with pleasure as he did that. They fell into kissing once more as the water washed the shampoo out of their hair.

Roxanna turned the water off, and he opened the door to grab towels for them, wrapping one around her body before he slung his around his hips. "We're making breakfast together, yes?"

"Yes. I'm loathe to give up any time with you today, especially since Christopher was gracious enough to switch shifts with me so that I could take you to the airport."

She nodded as she stepped out of the shower, grabbing another towel to wrap around her head before she looked at him. "You have amazing coworkers," she murmured before she left the bathroom. Henrik smiled after her fondly as he took the final towel off the rack and rubbed it over his head, drying his hair a little before he dropped them both into the hamper and went to his room.

Roxanna was already mostly dressed by the time he got there, and he sighed softly as he watched her dance around in her panties and his jumper. "If you keep that up, you're going to be exhausted before you get to the airport."

"Maybe I'll actually sleep on my way back, then. And yes, I will call you as soon as I'm back in the apartment. Oh! I completely forgot, because I've been so wrapped up in you, my darling. I found a new research partner. His name is David, and you would love him. So would John, if truth be told. The four of us could have been a force to be reckoned with, had things worked out differently for us all."

He nodded as he went over to his dresser, slowly getting dressed. "What's his area of expertise?"

"Something that I don't fully understand yet, which is amazing, because I feel like I'm learning something new every hour, you know? If you are able to come over for Christmas or my graduation, I will make certain to introduce him. Hopefully, we can all keep in touch, even if I know that's a long shot." Roxanna pulled on knee length black skirt before taking a seat on the bed and shoving her feet into her Doc Martens, quickly lacing them before stretching out on her stomach and watching him finish dressing.

"And now we go eat," he murmured as he headed towards the door, giving a small jerk of his head. She nodded and bounced to her feet, coming to his side and wrapping her arm around his waist so that they could walk to the kitchen together, relishing these final moments together for some time to come.


	29. Chapter 29

Roxanna had been back in Boston for a week when Henrik finally got word that Graham had arranged it so that he could have enough time to be with her for both Christmas and New Year's Day, though he would be working four weeks straight to make up for that extra time off. Knowing that he couldn't sit on the news for very long, he called Roxanna as soon as he was off shift, knowing that it would still be a decent time in Boston.

When she didn't pick up at her apartment, Henrik called the lab, knowing she was most likely there. "Hello?" an unfamiliar voice answered, and he wondered if that was David. "Hello?"

"Oh, sorry, I would like to speak with Roxanna, please. I'm assuming she's there?"

"One second, yes."

In the background, he heard David speak to Roxanna, and then she was answering moments later. "Hello?"

"Roxy!"

A small squeal erupted from her lips. "Henrik! It is so good to hear from you!" She must have pulled the receiver away from her lips, since her next words were muffled. "Davey! This is my partner, who I was telling you about!" There was a low murmuring before she spoke once more. "Oh, that would be brilliant, thank you!"

"Roxanna?"

"David's going to give us some privacy, just in case we say anything naughty."

They both let out a low laugh, and he settled onto the sofa as he gathered his thoughts. "You have me for nine whole days, Roxanna. I just have to book my flights and then I'll let you know when I'm arriving."

"Oh, Henrik, that's wonderful! I was hoping that we could see each other before the new year came. And I'll get both holidays with you? I'm so blessed!"

He smiled so widely at the excitement in her words that his cheeks hurt, and he nodded a little. "I think that we're both blessed, darling. It will be hell when I get back, though, since I won't have a day off for weeks. But that's a small price to pay for being with you for Christmas."

"And at least this gives me some time to plan everything out. But I imagine that you're tired, Henrik, it's nearly midnight there."

"A little, but it's worth it to hear your voice. Hopefully, you'll get my latest letter before I arrive, but we both know how fast the post moves between the continents. I, I may have gone into a little too much detail, but there was so much that I felt you should know."

"Henrik, my last letter to you was six pages long. I don't think that there is such a thing as too much detail between us." She let out a little trill of laughter, which covered up most of his yawn. "Oh, darling, you're yawning already. Please, hang up with me and go to bed. I want a healthy Henrik in my arms when you land at Logan International."

"Yes, Roxanna. Just…I love you."

"I love you, too, darling. And just think, we only have four weeks until we're together again. Oh, until we see each other again, know that you're in my heart and mind every day." They kissed into the receiver, and he hung up the phone before stretching out on the sofa. He knew that he should be reading from his backlog of journal articles that had piqued his interest, but he found that his exhaustion was too great to even think about concentrating on an in-depth article.

Reaching behind his head, he felt around for the picture frame he kept on the table there, closing his hand around it and bringing it around to sit on his chest so that he could look at Fredrik and Roxanna, imagining them as a happy family until his heavy eyes closed. He woke up a little while later, feeling sad. and he cradled the frame to his chest as he sat up. "I don't know if I'll be good enough for the both of you," he murmured as he ran his fingers across their faces.

A part of him wondered if his exhaustion was allowing his guard against his depression to weaken, and he shook his head as he got to his feet, carrying the frame with him into the kitchen and setting it on the counter by the stove as he rummaged around in his refrigerator for something to eat. Once all the ingredients were sourced, he made a quick meal, keeping his eye on what he wanted to be his family as he cooked.

What if she falls for David before you see her again? He is there every day, after all. In her space. Working with her. The intrusive thoughts bubbled up unbidden, and he tried to shake off his insecurity. Still, quiet tears managed to worm their way out of tear ducts, and he swiped at his cheeks as he tried to calm himself down.

"She wouldn't be so excited for you to come over if she was thinking about moving on. Quit giving in to these voices in your head," he muttered as he viciously stirred the ingredients in the pan. Just as he had almost worked himself into an awful mood, the phone rang, and he turned the burner off before hurrying into the living room and picking it up. "Hello?"

"I was hoping that you had woken up by now, darling. I just got back to my apartment and realized that I wanted to talk to you a little more. I hope you don't mind the intrusion?"

Every part of his body seemed to relax as he heard Roxanna's soft voice. "I would never mind hearing from you, Roxy. But what time is it?"

She giggled a little which caused him to look at his watch, seeing just how long he had napped. "You are not going to be able to sleep tonight, Henrik, if you've only just woken up. Are you making a meal for yourself at least?"

"That was the first thing I did when I woke up, darling."

"Well, bring me into the kitchen, so we can talk while you finish. Though I think I hear something in your voice that makes me wonder how you're doing. Did you have a bad dream?"

Henrik picked up the phone and carried it as far into the kitchen as he could, setting it on the counter closest to the door as he stretched the cord to reach over to the stove, turning the burner on once more to finish up his food. "I was having some troublesome thoughts, yes," he finally said before testing the food temperature.

"Oh, darling, once we're together…"

"That won't magically fix everything," he interrupted, hating that he sounded so sharp. The slightly indrawn breath on the other end of the line told him that he had hurt her, and he sighed as he plated his meal, setting it on the table before sinking into his seat. "Roxanna…"

"No, you're right, I won't magically fix everything just by my mere presence, but I would hope that I could at least ease your burden a little." Her voice trembled a little, and he let out another deep sigh as he picked up his fork and moved pieces of food around his plate, finding his appetite fleeing a bit. "Henrik, please, I beg just one thing of you. Don't shut me out? Yell at me, snipe at me, whatever you have to do to let your feelings out, but always talk to me. Even if it is to just say that you need a few minutes before you can tell me what's wrong. Please?"

"I will try my best to honour that request, Roxanna. I promise. Now, whilst I chew in your ear, tell me a little more about David. He sounds just as exuberant as you." She giggled a little and started to oblige him, the soothing sound of her voice helping to push the intrusive voices at bay for the moment.


	30. Chapter 30

The crush of people in the airport set Henrik's teeth on edge, but he tried to keep in mind the fact that this was completely normal, given how closely to Christmas he was travelling. Getting through security had been a nightmare, and he struggled to find his patience as he finally was able to find his gate, just in time for it to start boarding. "I never want to cut things so close again," he muttered to himself as he readied his passport and boarding pass.

"Get caught in security, too?"

He turned to see who was talking to him, finding a smiling young woman looking up at him. Her warm, brown, eyes danced with amusement, and he nodded a little in spite of himself. "I've never flown this close to the holidays before, and wasn't quite expecting this level of insanity. I mean, I knew it would be busier, but this is…"

"Overwhelming? I know." She held out her hand to him, and he shook it firmly. "Serena McKinney, pleased to meet you."

"Henrik Hanssen," he steadily replied. Her smile grew a little with his name, and he pulled his hand back to run through his hair. "So, why are you heading to Boston?"

"I'm heading back to the States to finish up my Masters in business before I head back and start my medical career. Dad thought it would be good for me to diversify my education, so that I might have something to fall back on. Just in case." He noticed that Serena rubbed her thumb over her pendant almost reverently, and he wondered if she had recently lost her father. "And you?" she asked as they started down the jetway.

He paused for a moment before smiling a little wider at Serena. "I am going to be with my partner, Roxanna, for the holidays. She's finishing up her studies in neuroscience in Boston, and then she'll be coming back home." He glanced down at his boarding pass once more, seeing that he was in an exit row, and he sighed with relief. "I managed to get a good seat for once."

"Oh? Better than the exit row?" she asked, and he let out a puff of a laugh. "No! Really? It must be fate, then. At least I'll have someone interesting to talk to on the flight before we fall asleep."

He nodded as he placed his bag into the overhead compartment before also placing Serena's there as well. Serena slid into the row after him, and he hoped that there wouldn't be anyone claiming the middle seat, as he didn't relish talking over someone for the entire flight. "Sometimes, fortune smiles on us, yes," he finally replied as he buckled his belt.

"That it does. So, what is it that you do?"

He settled back into his chair as he folded his hands over his stomach. "I'm a doctor, as well."

She laughed, a throaty sound that landed pleasantly on his ears. "Keeping it in the family, then?" He nodded. "That's how it's probably going to happen for me, too. You don't really meet people outside your cohort, given the hours doctors work. So, tell me a little more about her. It's clear that you're thoroughly smitten with her."

Henrik felt a little embarrassed at having been read so well, but he cleared his throat gently as he adjusted his tie. "Roxanna is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. We met at a club, well, she introduced herself to me first, and then everything sort of fell into place. I can never lock things up from her, since she knows how to break into the library, so who knows what other locks she can pick?"

Serena laughed once more, reaching out to pat his shoulder. "She sounds like a gem! Are you looking towards the future, then?"

He nodded, touching the small box in his breast coat pocket. "I had my father send my mother's engagement ring to me. Hopefully, I can work up the courage to ask her to marry me before I head home. I don't know if that will happen, but, as Roxanna would say, this is the season for miracles."

"She's right there, you know. Christmas is the perfect season for miracles to occur, we just have to remember that even a miracle needs a hand, sometimes. Is there a special way that you're thinking of proposing? A nice dinner? A walk in the park that ends with you getting down on one knee?"

He pursed his lips together as he lifted a hand to rub his chin. "I haven't thought that far ahead," he said as the cabin doors closed. Serena took that as her cue to scoot over to the middle seat, securing her seatbelt as she watched him intently. "I'm not a sentimental person. I prefer order and rational thought."

"But what would she want? In this case, I'm afraid that it doesn't really matter how you want to appear. For most people, there's only one proposal and it should be something special. Something that makes both of your hearts sing." She reached out and touched his upper arm lightly, causing him to meet her gaze. "I know we've only just met, Henrik, but you should listen to me. I know what I'm talking about."

"You do?" he asked sardonically. "I thought you weren't attached to anyone in particular?"

She blushed a little as she shrugged. "There are some things that most women want, in my experience. I'm not saying that you need to hunt down her favourite singer and have them serenade you as you sink down to one knee and ask her whilst fireworks go off in the distance, but there should be a little romance there."

"I'll take your words under consideration," he finally replied before giving her a small smile, hoping that she understood that that was all they were going to say on that subject. She nodded and they fell into a conversation about their medical careers, talking lowly through the entire take off. He was delighted to learn that she was going to be a surgeon as well, since there was always the need for more female surgeons. Though he didn't have as much experience as he'd like, Henrik made certain to give her as much advice as he could, knowing that it was sometimes more valuable to hear it from someone close in age.

It wasn't until after they'd eaten their meal that Serena let out a small yawn, and he nodded in reply. "I'm going to try to get in a small nap, since I know Roxanna is going to want to do some shopping before we head home for the evening."

"If you wake up and I'm sleeping on your shoulder, forgive me. My mother says I have the horrid habit of falling asleep on people, so I warn my seatmates all the time about it."

"If that's more comfortable for you, then I won't mind, Serena."

She nodded, a tender, yearning, look on her face. "I really hope that I find a love like yours one day. Your Roxanna is lucky to have you, even if you aren't the most romantic duck in the pond." He rolled his eyes a little as Serena leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, the silence becoming a little much, since he had quickly become accustomed to her voice, and a part of him hoped that they would meet at some point in the future, since he had the feeling Roxanna would get along with her famously.


	31. Chapter 31

"I think that I have everything ready for the traditional _smorgasbord_ , Henrik. Well, except for the lutfisk. I read up on how to make that, and realized that not only did I not have time to properly make the dish, but it sounding far too unappetizing for me to even think about putting it together. I am so sorry if it's something that you had your heart set on!"

He glanced over at Roxanna, feeling a mischievous smile tug at the corners of his lips, as he nodded, trying to appear disconsolate as he did so. "You can't call it a real Swedish Christmas without lutfisk, my dear. Whatever were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I want to spend as much time as I can with you whilst you're here, and that I would lose some of those precious minutes to the loo were I to even think about eating something like that. I know, you probably were raised on it, but I was not!" She sashayed over to his side, bending down to press her lips to his cheek. "But I did saffron buns and ginger snaps!"

"You truly know the way to a man's heart," he said as he turned his head and kissed her gently.

"I'm trying to learn the way to your heart, Henrik. No one else matters to me. Even if I did use David as my guinea pig until he went home for the holidays. It only took four tries until I had the saffron buns down perfectly."

He nodded as he pushed away from the table and stood, hooking his arm around her waist as he looked at the feast laid out on the counter. She truly had gone to so much trouble to create a little piece of his childhood for him, and it was in that moment he knew that she was the one, that it had always been her, he just hadn't realized it yet. "I haven't had _saffransbullar_ in more than a decade," he said lowly as he took grabbed one of the plates and began to fill it with the delicacies that Roxanna had somehow managed to learn how to make along with working on her research and classes.

"I hope that you like mine." He looked over and saw that her face had started to close off, as if she was too nervous about the gift she had prepared for him to truly think she had done something overwhelmingly thoughtful and full of love. Setting his plate back on the counter, Henrik turned to her and cupped her face with his hands, staring deep into her eyes. "Henrik?"

"I wouldn't care of they were a little burnt, or had too much salt or the dough had been overkneaded. You made them, you made this entire feast, and it took some of your precious time to do, so I am going to eat and enjoy because this is from you, from your heart, and I love that about you most of all." He felt a few tears start to wet his thumbs, and he sighed before leaning in and kissing her deeply. "This is going to make my own gift seem paltry in comparison, you know."

"Hush. You travelled three thousand miles to spend Christmas with me. You gave up on so many days off so that we could have a proper holiday together, I don't think that's paltry at all." She laughed a little before leaning in and kissing him. "I love you, my sweet bean pole of a man." Another soft kiss and then she was pulling away to look into his eyes. "How am I going to give you up on New Year's Day?"

"With the knowledge that we'll be together in six months? We've made it thus far, but the finish line is in sight. Again, isn't there a line in your Bible that tells you that with faith you can run and not grow weary?"

Another soft laugh left her lips as Roxanna shook her head. "That is so sacrilegious, Henrik! It's supposed to be those who wait upon the Lord will run and not grow weary."

"Oh," he replied drolly as he picked up his plate once more and started to fill it. "Well, I suppose since He didn't strike me down with lightning, He must have known my intent." Roxanna nodded as she started to fill up her own plate, taking just a small bit of pâté. "That's another acquired taste, darling."

"I figured as much as I made it. The smell was quite…different to what I'm accustomed to. Though I am looking forward to the ham!" He chuckled as they finished filling their plates and headed into the living room. "Oh! I do have one more surprise for you! This one was with David's help, too, because I was so busy with research and finding the recipes, so he had to research this for me."

"You are leading him around by his nose, Roxy!"

"No, he wanted to help me! He's a sweetheart, Henrik, and I may have played Emma for a day, because we have this really sweet woman in one of our seminars, and she's been giving him the same looks I was giving you so long before you noticed me. I hope that things don't go wrong, but I really want him to be as happy with someone as we are." She plopped down onto the sofa and turned on the small television. "And I know, you're supposed to watch Disney movies, but…I've never been that interested in them? So I thought we could just watch PBS, since that always seems to have something interesting…"

"You never finished telling me what my other surprise is, Roxanna."

She smiled with pursed lips as she raised her eyebrows, and Henrik shook his head a little as he waited for her to tell him. "Fine, we're not staying up late tonight, because the service starts at five in the bloody morning, and we have an hour's drive on top of that, but, I found a Swedish Baptist church that still holds a Julotta service! Well, there was another in Michigan, too, but there was no way we were travelling that far!"

"I've never attended a Julotta service, actually. Mum could never convince Dad to take us, not when there was always a long drive to reach family later on in the day."

"Oh, then we'll get to make new memories of something! This is going to be amazing, since usually my family attended a Christmas Day service." She leaned over and kissed his cheek before digging into her food. "I hope you don't mind me basically dragging you along to this. I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to do something you don't really want to do."

He could see that her eyes were turning sad, and he knew that he had to salvage the situation before she started crying once more. "Compromise is the hallmark of the best relationships. And since Christmas is the time of miracles, I suppose that it wouldn't be too much for me to step foot inside a church."

"And sing?" Her eager smile caused him to relax a little as he nodded. "Good! Now, let's focus on the movie, and as soon as we've finished eating, we can open presents! I've had my eye on that large box ever since it showed up under the tree sometime between last night and this morning." Henrik nodded, knowing that she would love what was in that box, since he had worked with her father to get everything about it just right. And suddenly, he couldn't wait to see her face when she opened it.


	32. Chapter 32

Roxanna stepped out of the bathroom wearing the dress Henrik had bought for her, a wide smile on her lips as she twirled around in front of him, the skirt flaring out a little as she giggled with happiness. "This fits like a dream! Henrik, how…?"

"I had a little help from your father. I hope you don't mind that I asked him for advice."

"No, not at all. This is a little more conservative than what I normally wear, but I truly love it. You're amazing!" She ran over to his side and hugged him tightly, kissing him a few times before stepping back and glancing at her watch. "I suppose that we have to get going now, so that we're not late to the service. I'll read the directions if you want to drive. There was a bit of fresh snow in the night, and you've always been the better driver in those conditions."

He nodded sagely as they went over to the door and pulled their coats on. After Roxanna had picked up her purse, she took hold of his hand and they went outside together, the cold air nipping at their faces as they made their way to the car. Roxanna turned the volume on the radio down to a low level before pulling a small torch out of her purse and training it on the directions she had carefully written out.

Somehow, they made it to the church a little early, and Henrik parked in the middle of a group of cars, wanting to appear to blend in. Roxanna set aside the piece of paper before getting out of the car, and he followed suit, taking hold of her hand once more as they headed inside. The moment he was in the building, Henrik felt like he was out of place, but Roxanna seemed to fit right in as she smiled at the couple standing near the door, handing out folded pieces of paper.

"Good morning! I don't believe we've seen you here before."

"No, we're visiting for the Julotta service specifically. My partner is Swedish, and when I found out this tradition was still carried out here, I knew we had to experience it before he went home."

The woman nodded as she handed them the papers, which Henrik saw was an order of service, before guiding them over to the doors that led into the sanctuary. "Well, enjoy, and we are so pleased that you came this morning."

"Thank you," Henrik said lowly as he guided Roxanna inside, choosing a pew that was closer to the back of the sanctuary. He helped pull her coat off before shrugging out of his own, and smiled a little when she cuddled up close to him once he'd sat down. "May I see the order of service?"

She nodded before handing him one of the papers, and he glanced over it, noticing that one of the songs was listed in Swedish, to which he raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"I hope you tried to learn a little Swedish, Roxy," he murmured as he tapped the line.

"Oh," she breathed out before looking up into his face. "You're going to have to sing the words loud enough to cover up my fumbling voice. Please?"

"Of course, don't worry. I wouldn't let you make a fool of yourself." She pursed her lips a little as she nodded before letting her head thump down on his chest. He could feel the yawn that left her body, and it was hard not to answer it with his own as he rubbed his hand up and down her arm. Quite a few people filled the sanctuary by the time the service began, and he was pleasantly surprised to hear just how many call backs there were to Sweden and the stories his mother had told when he was growing up. Even the singing was a pleasant surprise, feeling like a comfortable jumper wrapped around him. By the time they were given a candle, Henrik felt like this may have been the happiest Christmas he had had in such a long time.

"Merry Christmas," Roxanna murmured as the lights went off in the room, the flames of the candles lending a romantic, tender, air to everything. To his surprise, he found himself tearing up a little as someone began to play the opening to Silent Night on a guitar, and Roxanna must have known how emotional he was getting, since she transferred her candle to her left hand and grabbed hold of his, threading their fingers together as they sang out, their voices blending in sweet harmony. As the final notes hung in the air, the lights came back on, and he blew out his candle before turning to look at Roxanna. Silvery tear tracks ran down her cheeks, and he lowered his head until their foreheads touched.

"Thank you for this, my darling." His voice was thick with tears of his own, and she nodded a little before helping him to stand, taking hold of their candles so that he could get into his coat. "I'll take care of these, and then we can head home?"

"Yes." A few fresh tears rolled down her cheeks, and he fought the urge to brush them away, knowing they were in a strange place, and he didn't want to offend anyone. Instead, he fished his handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it over before weaving through the people milling around talking in the aisle, setting the candles on a table in the back before looking around for his partner.

A soft smile graced his lips to see that she had been stopped by an older woman, allowing her to hold onto her arm as she talked. Knowing that he couldn't be rude, he came up to their side, his arm easily falling into place around Roxanna's waist as he nodded to the older woman. "Are we almost ready?" he asked lowly, still smiling.

"Just about. Esther here was kind enough to ask if we had someplace to be for Christmas breakfast, said that she and her family always make more than enough. I told her that we have an hour-long drive ahead of us, but that I'd at least check with you before saying no."

A part of him truly did want to say no outright, but then he looked at Esther and Roxanna's faces. There was something there that he found he couldn't say no to, and so he adjusted his glasses a little and cleared his throat before answering. "I think that that is a lovely idea, Roxanna. This is our last Christmas in America, most likely, so why not spend it with new friends?"

The smile that spread across Roxanna's face told him that he had made the right choice, and Esther grinned at them as well before reaching out and patting his arm warmly. "I'll go tell my Nancy about our two guests, and then be right back. After all, someone has to lead you to our home."

He watched Esther scurry over to another woman, speaking to her lowly, as Roxanna took a few shuddery breaths. "Henrik Hanssen, never stop surprising me with that loving heart of yours." He nodded as Esther came up to them once more, and he gallantly took her arm as they went out to Roxanna's car.


	33. Chapter 33

Henrik found that he had never laughed quite so hard as he had while with the Erickson family. The large family had welcomed him and Roxanna into their fold as if they were family as well. Their meal had been wonderful, and he didn't think he could eat another bite of the homecooked food. He had expected to leave after the meal, but Esther had taken hold of their hands and almost dragged them into the living room as Nancy and her sisters cleaned up the leftovers while the kids ran around on a sugar high.

"You didn't think we'd just shove you out into the cold morning, did you?" Esther asked as she took a seat on the sofa, patting the spots next to her. Roxanna was able to sit down, but Henrik quickly lost his out to one of the kids, who gave him a sheepish grin before curling up close to his grandmother. "Travis…"

"You snooze, you lose?" he responded, and Henrik nodded a little as he went over to Roxanna's side and perched on the arm of the sofa, taking care not to put his full weight on it. "Why are you in America? Don't they have medical schools in England?"

Roxanna laughed as she nodded. "They do, but this was a program that called out to the researcher in me. Probably Henrik, too. And it's always good to see new parts of the world. After all, the more you see, the more you find that people are really good at heart." Her head came to rest on Henrik's torso, and they sighed in unison. "What do you think you'll do when you grow up?"

"I'll probably be a factory worker, like my father." He shrugged a little, as if he was embarrassed by his answer, and Henrik knew that he had to say something to make the boy feel better about himself.

"My grandfather was a factory worker, and my father took over for him in the factory, even as they worked themselves up the ladder until they owned the factory. There's nothing wrong with factory work." He left out the small detail that it was a pharmaceutical factory, that they had had a hand up that Travis probably was not able to access, but still, he had to leave him better. From the smile that flashed across his face, Henrik knew that he had done just that, and Esther winked at him, as if she knew his intentions.

Once everyone had joined them once more, Henrik found himself cocooned in the warmth of a loving, large, family. It wasn't until one of the preteen girls pressed presents into their hands that he realized everyone was opening gifts. "But we don't have anything for you," he murmured as he looked at Esther, giving her a small look of desperation.

"We give with no expectation of receiving, Henrik. You're our guests, and it's Christmas." Glancing down at his partner, he saw that she was openly crying again. "Christine, go get Roxanna a Kleenex." The girl nodded as she stepped away from them, and Henrik wrapped his arm around his partner's shoulders, pulling her a little closer to his side. "You make the most adorable couple."

"They remind me of you and Edwin." Henrik looked over at the woman who had been playing the organ for the church. "If you're not careful, you'll end up with a passel of children and grandchildren."

"Evie!"

"What? It's true!" she replied as she ran her fingers through her son's hair. Or at least, Henrik assumed it was her son, since it seemed like all the kids present just floated between families with impunity. "Chad, go get Mumma some milk?" The boy nodded and ran off, and Henrik wondered if Fredrik would be like that with Roxanna one day. Unable to keep the smile from his lips, he looked down at the present in his lap before delicately peeling at the tape to open it. A pumpkin coloured scarf rested inside, and he could tell by the pattern that it had been made by hand.

"Mom loves knitting, and we always are blessed with the fruits of her labour. You'll never wear a warmer scarf ever again, believe me," Nancy said, tenderness exuding from every pore in her body. He nodded and wrapped it around his neck, relishing the feel of it against his skin as he watched Roxanna unwrap a gorgeous knitted shawl.

"This is too dear," she whispered as she turned to Esther, and Henrik could tell by her voice that she was close to crying once more. Christine returned in that moment with the much needed Kleenex, and Roxanna dabbed at her eyes before caressing the garment in her lap. "I, I feel like I should be offering you something equally as dear."

"As long as you're happy with Henrik, that's all the gift I need. The world can always use more love in it, there's too much cruelty out there." They both nodded a little before Roxanna reached out and squeezed Esther's arm gently. A comfortable silence fell over the three of them as they listened to the buzz of voices around them, until Henrik felt it was time to stop imposing on the hospitality they had been shown that morning.

"This has been so lovely, Esther, but we really should be getting on the road. It was an early morning, after all," he said as he stood up. Roxanna got to her feet as well, clinging to the shawl tightly. "Thank you, everyone, for inviting us into your celebrations. Roxanna and I have felt so welcomed and loved by your generosity, and I hope that we will be able to spread some of that on to the people we meet in our lives from this point forward. Happy Christmas, everyone." He raised his hand in parting, allowing Esther and Nancy to lead them out to the kitchen where he grabbed their coats, helping Roxanna into hers as the other woman dug through the refrigerator.

"We would never think about sending you out onto the roads without food. Here, take this." Nancy pressed a grocery bag into his arms, and he peeked inside to see almost another entire meal in there. "And before you say this is too much, we'll have enough leftovers to last us until the New Year, at least. Please, let us take care of you one more time today."

Henrik nodded as he watched Roxanna scrawl something onto a slip of paper. "This is our address in England. Please keep in touch with us. Well, with Henrik for the moment, but I'll be over there as well, come May. Thank you so much!" Roxanna threw her arms around Esther in a tight hug before hugging Nancy just as fiercely.

"The pleasure was all ours, truly." The two women walked them to the door, and Henrik stiffened in shock when Esther hugged him just as tightly, though for a moment, he could almost imagine her as his mother, and he let out a deep breath as he relaxed into the embrace, allowing her to kiss his cheek softly before pushing him out of the door. "Hold on to Roxanna. She's definitely a keeper."

"That's the plan. If she'll have me."

"I don't think you'll have to worry about that. She loves you, deeply, and you're lucky to have that in your life." He nodded as Esther pushed him away, her eyes sparkling a little as she gestured towards the door, where Roxanna was waiting. "Love came down at Christmastime, after all." He nodded once more and went over to Roxanna's side, eager to be home with her once more.


	34. Chapter 34

Henrik woke up to find Roxanna curled up next to him, her arm carelessly thrown around his waist whilst her face was buried in his neck, her warm breaths fanning out against his skin as she slept on soundly. He didn't want to disturb her in that moment, since every bit of her was so relaxed, but he had more pressing needs to take care of. Carefully, he disentangled himself from her, hoping that he wouldn't disturb her as he padded over to the bathroom and quickly relieved himself.

As Henrik washed his hands, he stared at his reflection. "Why didn't you give her the ring yesterday?" he asked himself, trying to figure out why he had chickened out. He had had plenty of opportunities to do just that, but every time he had thought it was right, something had stopped him from doing so. And now their time was running out, and he still had no idea when or how he was going to ask her to marry him.

"You didn't pull the covers up when you left," Roxanna murmured as she padded into the room, wrapping her arms around his waist before laying her cheek on his back. "I got so cold, that I had to come find you."

"I'm sorry, darling," he murmured as he turned around, wrapping his arms around her before dropping a soft kiss to the top of her head. "I was thinking that we could go walking around Boston today, since we've never really taken time to do that. Unless you had other plans?"

She shook her head before looking up at him. "I think that sounds like a lovely idea. I glanced outside, and it looks like there was fresh snowfall overnight. We have a veritable winter wonderland at our feet."

He made a soft sound of pleasure in his throat as he stepped away from her. "That sounds wonderful." She grinned and nodded as they made their way back into the bedroom. He watched her take a seat on the bed as he pulled out fresh clothes from his bag and quickly dressed before pulling on the new jumper that Roxanna had bought him for Christmas. "Aren't you going to get dressed?" he finally asked as he ran a comb through his hair.

"I was just taking my time watching you. It is a pleasurable habit of mine." He nodded a little before taking a seat on the bed next to her, smiling when she rested her head on his arm. "I suppose that I should get dressed now, though. After all, the day is fast getting away from us." He nodded as Roxanna popped to her feet, going over to her closet and tossing a skirt and shirt onto the bed before opening her dresser and taking out a matching set of lingerie.

Roxanna dressed slowly, as if she knew that he couldn't take his eyes off her, and he tilted his head to one side as her flesh was slowly hidden from view. He hadn't realized just quite how erotic it was to watch someone he loved roll stockings up her legs until that very moment, and he had to fight the urge to pull her down on the bed and kiss her senseless. After all, there would be time for that when they got home and he could undress her just as slowly.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked after clearing his throat, and she nodded, helping him to his feet before taking hold of his hand and leading him out to the entryway. He watched as she tugged on her beloved boots, taking care to tie them tightly before popping back up to her feet. Henrik smiled as he wrapped Roxanna's scarf around her neck, leaning in to kiss her delicately before wrapping his own scarf around his neck and slipping into his coat.

Roxanna shrugged into her coat and then opened the door, stepping outside and shivering a little as a cold breeze whipped past them. "Bloody hell, Henrik, it's so cold!" He nodded as he locked the door, slipping the keys into his pocket before fishing out his gloves and handing them over to his partner. She pulled them on, and he chuckled a little to see that her fingertips fairly swam in them. He slipped behind the wheel and drove them into the city centre, parking in an open space before helping her from the car and starting down the sidewalk towards the bay. As always, the water beckoned to him, even as it repulsed him, though he hoped that one day he would be able to have a healthier relationship with it.

"Oh, my god, Henrik! What a small world!"

Roxanna gave him a quizzical look as they paused on the streets, and he just gave her a small smile. "Serena! I didn't realise that you'd be here still. I thought you'd be heading on to your university."

"Yes, well, plans changed a little, there. And this must be your Roxanna. She's gorgeous, Henrik." He gave her an askance look, since there was a purr to her voice that spoke of more than mere admiration, and Serena just raised an eyebrow at him, causing him to nod a little as he watched Serena hold out her hand, shaking Roxanna's firmly. "I bet you're probably wondering who I am." Roxanna nodded dazedly, her free hand batting around for Henrik's until he clasped it tightly.

"A little, yes. But I trust that one of you will tell me who you are? Yes?"

Serena laughed gently as she adjusted the fuzzy fur hat on her head. "I'm Serena McKinney. Henrik and I were actually seatmates on the plane a few days ago, and we had a great conversation about what we'd be doing here and of course, the most important thing in the world to him."

"Serena…"

"What, Henrik? She deserves to know that you think of her as the best thing to ever happen in your life, if she doesn't know that already." Serena's smile softened into something so bittersweet that he wondered what had happened to cause her to stay in Boston for the holidays, but before he could ask, the sadness seemed to be stuffed down into her soul once more as she plastered a knowing smirk on her lips. "You know, if I didn't know better, I'd start looking for the place where your angel wings broke off your back during your fall from heaven."

Roxanna giggled a little as her entire posture relaxed, leaning towards Serena a little. "I'm not an angel," she said as she blushingly tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"You aren't? Well, fallen angels would say something like that." Serena reached out and touched Roxanna's arm delicately, the smile on her lips widening a little. Henrik cleared his throat, feeling weirdly uncomfortable with the attention his new friend was giving his partner. "Oh, Henrik, don't glower so! I would never try to come between you and your beloved. It's just fun to flirt!" She winked broadly at him before turning her attention back to Roxanna. "It's really adorable how protective he is of you, Roxanna. I hope that my partner would be so gallant."

Roxanna nodded as she stepped a little closer to Henrik's side. "Yes, well, I really do feel like I may have landed a keeper here. Since we're just wandering around aimlessly right now, would you like to join us? After all, any friend of Henrik's is a friend of mine."

Henrik hoped that Serena would say no, but from the eager nod, he knew that he'd look like an ass if he suggested that perhaps that wasn't the best idea. "That would be lovely, yes. Though it looked like you were headed somewhere?"

"Towards the water. We're both called by it, for some reason." Serena nodded and went around to his other side, slipping her hand into the crook of his arm. "Well, let's head out, Henrik. It's so nice to be part of a trio once more." Serena tittered and he shook his head quickly, realizing that he would always have to be on his toes when it came to Serena, but he was almost certain that that wasn't entirely a bad thing.


	35. Chapter 35

"Do you really have to go?" Roxanna asked as they cleared security a few days later. He sighed as he nodded, knowing that this was going to be much harder than he had imagined. They were so close to spending the rest of their lives together, that these little separations just seemed to get exponentially more difficult each time they occurred.

"Well, I'm at the airport, my luggage has been checked in, and now there really isn't a way for me to turn back." Roxanna nodded as they slowly walked to his gate, her hand clasping his tightly, squeezing it in random intervals as they got closer and closer to the gate. "Just think, you'll be home for spring break, and we'll visit then, and then I'll be coming over for your graduation, and will bring you home with me."

"When you put it that way, it doesn't seem too long, does it?" He could tell that she was trying to hold it together, but was perilously close to breaking down in front of him. As they reached his gate, he allowed his satchel to fall to the floor as he puled her into a tight hug, knowing that was what she needed in that moment, even if he wasn't the most comfortable with the very public display of affection. Roxanna nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck as she tried to take a few deep breaths, and then she just lost control of her emotions, bursting into tears as she tightened her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry, I'm just missing you already."

"Shh, darling, I understand, but if you cry so hard, you'll make yourself sick, and you don't want to be sick in public. Do you?" he murmured as he ran his fingers through her hair, trying to calm her down a little as they continued to embrace. He deliberately began to take slow, deep, breaths, knowing that she would eventually sync breaths with him.

"Thank you," she said lowly as she let go of him, looking at him through spiky eyelashes. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he replied, feeling the weight of his mother's ring in his trouser pocket. He knew that it was now or never, but he still didn't know of the right way to ask her to become a permanent part of his life, when he knew that they would be together until the end of time. Smiling at her, he reached up and swiped away the remnants of her tears before leaning down and kissing her possessively. The announcements for his flight began as their kiss ended, and he pulled away to look into her eyes. "Call me tomorrow, and we'll talk."

"You'll be at work!"

"I asked for the late shift, since I knew I might have a bit of jetlag to deal with. I land at eight, I'll be home by nine, and I have to work at four. If you call at 9:15, we'll have forty five minutes to talk before I have to get a few hours of sleep. Okay?"

She nodded as the announcement for his rows came over the loudspeaker. Knowing that this was the least romantic way of proposing, and that Serena would rib him for ages if she ever heard the story of this, he wondered if it was right. Still, he knew that he couldn't return to England without giving her the ring, and so he slipped his hand into his pocket and closed his fingers around the band before taking hold of Roxanna's hand and pressing the ring into it as he gave her one last, tender, kiss. Turning and hurrying down the jetway, he could almost swear he heard her yell, "Henrik, it's a yes!" as he stepped onto the plane.

Chuckling a little, he found his seat, grateful that he had gotten a window seat once again, and he instinctively looked towards the airport, wondering if he could see his Roxanna in the windows. To his surprise, he could just barely make her out, and he waved a little, watching her nod before pointing to her ring finger, showing that she had slipped the ring into place. Henrik nodded and then pressed his hand against the plastic window, watching as she did the same.

They stayed like that until his plane began to taxi away from the gate, and he found his heart lurching in his chest with the thought that Roxanna had said yes to him, without really saying a word. They had a future together, and she had just cemented that for him by her showing off the ring. Unable to stop the quick tears that came to his eyes, Henrik curled up against the window and buried his chin in his chest, trying to keep his crying as silent as possible so as not to arouse the attention of anyone near him.

Still, a kind, quiet, hand reached into his space, holding out a delicate linen handkerchief to him until he took hold of it. Without saying a word, the person next to him withdrew their hand, allowing him to clean up the tracks of his grief before he went to hand the handkerchief back to the woman. "Keep it," she murmured, giving him an understanding smile. He nodded a little before turning back to the window, pulling down the blind before stuffing the too thin pillow between the wall of the plane and his head.

Sleep was elusive, however, as his mind started to run down rabbit trails about the ramifications of what he had done. Though he had seen Roxanna with the ring on her hand, there was still the chance that she could change her mind, that she had only accepted out of pity, and that when she got back to the apartment, she'd realise that she had made a huge mistake, and then he'd get the ring returned to him in the mail, and never hear from her again. And without her, how would he ever think about getting custody of Fredrik. In his mind's eye, he could see everything that he had worked for turning to ashes and rust before he had even had the chance to be happy, and he pursed his lips tightly so as not to sob aloud. A part of him knew that he was being ridiculous, but he couldn't fight the negative voices in his head.

Finally, he screwed his eyes tightly closed and forced himself to think of nothing, to focus on letting his breaths even out, so that he could jump into the blissful arms of sleep. Henrik felt the scratchy fabric of the standard airplane blanket come to rest around his body, and he knew that his seatmate had done him a kindness once more. Sighing a little, he tugged the blanket up closer around his neck and smiled a little, relishing the gesture for all that it was worth, even if it did make him feel like he was a child once more. That brought about a new flood of painful thoughts, and he shook his head a little, trying to chase them away before diving headlong into the abyss of sleep. Still, as Henrik lost consciousness, he could feel the hounds of terrible thoughts nipping at his heels, trying to wound him even deeper than he already was.


	36. Chapter 36

Henrik had arrived home sooner than he thought he would, and he sighed with pleasure as he stepped into his flat, letting his bag fall to the floor with a heavy thud. He had managed to sleep through the entire flight, but it was not a restful sleep, since he knew that he had had many nightmares, judging from the commiserating look his seatmate had given him as they waited to get off the plane. He had wanted to return her handkerchief once more, but the blonde had merely shook her head before scurrying off into the crowd.

Letting out a long breath, he trudged into the living room, pressing the flashing button on his answering machine. There were five new messages, one from Graham, reminding him that he was scheduled to work that evening, and the other four were from Roxanna. There was a bubbling excitement in her voice as she babbled on, telling him each time that she knew he wasn't home yet, she was just calling to hopefully, maybe, catch him.

He had just shrugged out of his coat, going to hang it up on it's hook, when the phone rang once again, and he smiled as he slung the coat over his arm and picked up the receiver, holding it to his ear. "Hello, Roxy."

"How did you know it was me?" she asked, trying to sound indignant, even as a yawn interrupted her words.

"Well, you were the one who left the last four messages on my machine. Who else would it be?"

"Touché," she replied as he chuckled a little, heading over to the hooks and hanging his coat up before toeing out of his shoes and padding into the kitchen to start a kettle of water to boil before rummaging around in his cupboard for the perfect flavor of tea. "What are you making?"

"Tea," he replied offhandedly, still moving tins and boxes around. "Why?"

"Make yourself Lady Grey, the box is in the back of your cupboard. You won't want the extra caffeine of your usual go-tos, not if you want to sleep before your shift." He smiled a little as his hand finally touched the box she was talking about. "Anyway, I have words to say to you."

Henrik could hear that there was a hint of humour in the biting words she spoke, and he chuckled a little. "What words might you have for me, Roxy?" he asked as he measured out enough tea leaves for a large mug of tea, having the feeling that they would be talking for at least an hour.

"Firstly, you can't leave a person, a person you claim to love, like that in the airport."

"I told you that I loved you, before I…"

"Before you pressed an engagement ring into my hand and scarpered down the jetway without a backwards glance. How did you even know that I was going to say yes?"

"Because you love me just as much as I love you." Henrik dropped the tea ball into his mug, waiting for the kettle to start whistling. "Or did I make a mistake?"

He tried to sound light and airy, like he was joking, but there was still a little tremor of apprehension in his voice. "Oh, Henrik, no. You didn't make a mistake. And of course I said yes! I want to spend the rest of my life with you, marriage or not. You complete this part of me that I never knew was empty until you walked into my life. And you had to have seen me in the window! You waved at me, for heaven's sake!"

"I did, yes. I just…" It was hard to tell her his fears, since he had kept everything inside for so long. The was a long pause before he took a few deep breaths. "I just…"

"You can trust me, Henrik. I won't judge you, and we have the safety of distance, so you won't see if I start to cry. Or, if we're both being honest, when I start to cry. We've both lost our mothers, we've both experienced great loss in our lives. I just don't want to lose you."

Her voice broke in that moment, and he so wished he was still there to hug her tightly to his chest. There wouldn't be the need for words, then, he could just hold her and rock her and let her know how much he loved her. But still, he knew that wasn't an option, with her at Rigden and him at home. "You won't lose me, Roxanna." He took a deep breath. "It's my insecurities that are at play right now. You know my reticence to talk about my feelings."

"I do, yes. Henrik…?"

"I gave you that ring with the intention of you becoming my wife. But there's this small voice in the back of my head that whispers you'll leave me, that you'll find out I'm not good enough for you, because I don't show affection as easily as other people do. That you'll decide I'm not worth your time, and find someone who is, someone like David. So really, it's I who worry so much about losing you."

The kettle started to whistle, and he sniffled a little before turning the burner off and pouring the water into his mug before taking a seat at the table and wrapping his hands around the mug, letting the heat of the tea bleed into his skin. Listening carefully, he could hear Roxanna's shuddery breaths on the other end of the line and knew he had made her cry. That insidious voice started to rise up in his mind, only for Roxanna to speak. "That voice is trying to make you feel bad about me crying, isn't it? Henrik?"

"Yes," he breathed out, feeling relieved to know that she understood.

"Please, tell that voice to fuck off." That was the first time he had ever heard her swear, and he chuckled out of surprise. "I know, but that voice deserves strong language! If I were there with you, we would be curling up on the sofa together, my head on your chest, your hand rubbing up and down my arm as I sipped at my tea, and we would work through this together. Probably without saying too many words." She sighed a little. "I love each and every part of you, Henrik Hanssen. And while I might be Doctor MacMillan in the professional working sphere, I will proudly be Mrs Roxanna Hanssen in the private sphere. That has such a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"I do," he responded before taking a sip of his tea. "You know that I can't promise you everything will be sunshine and roses, right?"

"If you promised me that, I would never have slipped your ring on my finger. But it looks like I'm not the first to wear this ring. Would this have been your mother's ring?"

"Yes."

"Oh, my god, Henrik, that is so romantic! I know that you say you're not, but this gesture? This just proves that you have such a tender heart in there."

"It's a tender heart only for you," he replied as he allowed his head to fall back on the arm of the sofa. "I wish that it was cheaper to talk on the phone, but I am starting to feel positively knackered. And you need to get to sleep! It's nearly five in the morning in Boston!"

"I may have set my alarm and fallen asleep as soon as I arrived home. Because I wanted to be somewhat coherent when I talked to you. But if you need to sleep, I understand…"

"You know what, one short sleep on the sofa won't kill me. How about you talk at me until I just can't keep my eyes open any longer?"

"I can do that. What do you want to hear?"

"Tell me about your favorite mythological story, and why. For some reason, I can see you as a Persephone admirer."

"You'd almost be right," she started, and he stretched out on the sofa, allowing the dulcet tones of her voice to wash over him as he fought to stay awake for a few minutes longer, wanting to listen to her for as long as possible.


	37. Chapter 37

Somehow, with all the extra shifts he had had to work to make up for Christmas, and the shifts he had picked up to spend the week with Roxanna in Bath, it had made the time positively fly past him in a blur, and suddenly it was only a day before he was meeting her at the airport before heading to her home. Henrik sighed a little as he looked around his bedroom, trying to focus on what he absolutely needed to pack. He'd never been to Bath before, but somehow he knew that exploring it with her would make the experience that much better.

Letting out another sigh, he padded over to his bed and folded another pair of trousers, adding them to the clothes in the suitcase before putting in fresh pants and socks, enough for every day of their trip. Lastly, he packed Roxanna's cat stuffie, wanting to bring it along. There wasn't much time now until it would be a permanent part of their household, and he rubbed the fur softly before zipping the case and bringing it over to the door, so all he would have to do is pick it up in the morning.

With that out of the way, Henrik made his way into the kitchen and started to make lunch. While soup was warming up on the burner, his phone rang, and he smiled as he went into the living room to answer. "Hello?"

"Henrik! I'm getting ready to head to the airport, and I forgot to tell you, I'm bringing back a little extra luggage this trip, since we have plans to head up to Sweden after I graduate. I just thought it would be easier to get this out of the way, even if it will make life a little more plain."

"You could never be plain, Roxy. You were born to sparkle."

The inane words slipped from his mouth before he could call them back, and he shook his head slowly as he made his way back into the kitchen, stirring the soup as he waited for Roxanna's reply. "That is too romantic, Henrik! And just one of the reasons that I love you so much." A soft sigh slipped from her mouth. "I cannot believe that in six hours I'll be getting on the plane that brings me home to you."

"Well, for a week, yes."

"Hush, when you put a time on it, it makes it seem so short. I want to hold on to every moment that I can, okay? Because every moment from here on out brings me that much closer to spending the rest of my life with you."

A pleased smile stole across his face as he nodded. "There is something so beautiful about the future you see for us. I want that future so badly, too, but a part of me…"

"A part of you feels like if you name it, something will go wrong?"

"Yes. Exactly."

Roxanna took a deep breath. "I will one day work on getting you to trust that the universe will not go off the rails if you admit that everything is going well. I know, it might take us our entire married life, but I will one day mend all the cracks in your heart with gold."

Henrik nodded thoughtfully as he mulled over her words, finding something so indescribably lovely about the way she viewed him and everything about him. "I love you," he breathed out as he turned the burner off and grabbed out a bowl, pouring the soup into it before setting it on the table so he could get out a spoon. "I love you so much."

"Twice in the space of thirty seconds, Henrik, that's new. But for what it's worth, I love you, too." She kissed into the receiver, and he knew that she was getting ready to say goodbye. "I still need to finish up my packing, so I really do need to go? I hate to say goodbye, but this is my last goodbye until I'm in your arms again. Even if it is only for a week."

"A sweet week together. And I will be there at the airport to pick you up at eight."

"Until then, my darling." She sent him another kiss. "Goodbye, Henrik."

"Goodbye, Roxanna." They hung up, and Henrik tucked into his soup, thumbing through the newspaper before settling in and working the crossword puzzle. There was a sense of peace that settled around him as he answered the clues that he could, before going back and making educated guesses on the others until his soup was finished and the puzzle completed. It was an easier one that afternoon, and he was glad for that.

It didn't take long for him to wash the dishes, and then he was making his way into the living room and settling onto the sofa, picking up the latest edition of the _Lancet_ and starting to read from where he had left off. The articles this week fascinated him, and he found himself taking notes in the margins of a few, thinking about how he could work them into his own practice at the hospital. Finally, with the next article read, he stood and stretched, cracking his back a little before going to the door and slipping his feet into his loafers.

The day was still a bit cool, so he grabbed his jacket and tugged it on as he started walking down the pavement, deciding to take advantage of the sunny day by being out in in as much as he could. Henrik waved at a few familiar faces as he passed them, humming a Wagner piece as he went along. He had thought that he would walk around aimlessly, but he found his feet taking him towards the small park that he had grown to love, knowing that Roxanna would love it as well, since she seemed to love the outdoors.

Taking a seat on the first open bench, Henrik made himself comfortable and watched the people that went past him. A tender look crossed his face when he saw a family enter the park. The mum was carrying a baby while the father had an arm around her waist, his free hand holding tightly to their son's hand. A feeling of deep longing filled his soul as he watched the family find a spot beneath an oak tree to spread out a checkered blanket to rest on.

"That is what I want," he murmured aloud as he turned his face away, not wanting to appear to be staring, after all. "I want Fredrik here, with us, and a baby to dote on." It was the closest he had come to admitting his wants in a few months, and he wondered how he could let Roxanna know that that was the path he wanted to walk down with her.

The insidious voice in his mind chose that moment to speak up, reminding him that Roxanna might not want to start a family right away, since that would affect her career, and he knew how much her career meant to her, even if she hadn't started at a hospital yet. Sighing a little, he ran his hand through his hair and tried to find his peace once more, trying to focus on the fact that Roxanna would be with him soon, and they could weather that storm together.


	38. Chapter 38

Henrik let out a low breath of relief as he packed the third large case in the boot of his car, making room for their vacation luggage on one side of it. "You weren't kidding when you said that you were bringing the majority of your things back with you," he said as he closed the boot, patting the metal with his hand a few times before making his way to the driver's seat and getting behind the wheel.

"Most of it will probably stay in those cases until I move in with you. That, that still is the plan, yes? I mean, it will be crowded with my things, but we can always look for something slightly larger, if it feels like we're tripping over one another. I just, I really want this to work?"

"I do, too," he replied before leaning over and kissing her gently. It was a balm to his troubled heart that Roxanna was just as nervous about the next chapter of their life together, since he had been thinking he was the only one that was so on edge over the thought of sharing a living space with her. "And you're not bringing any furniture with you, since we'll need a bed to share when we spend time with your father. Right?"

"Right," she replied before kissing him once more. "He's still not the happiest over losing his little girl, but he likes you, so it will all wash out in the end." Roxanna caressed his face before settling back into her seat as he started the car. It was a long drive to her father's home, but as she talked about her time spent in America with David, he found the time passing quickly.

"David's graduating, too, yes?" he replied when he could get a word in edgewise, and she nodded, giving him a smile. "Good. I'd hate for him to be alone in the lab, like you were."

"But I made due, and became gained a lifetime friend. I know that David probably won't find a placement near us, but I think that I might like to get together with him every so often? Friendships are so important, after all. And perhaps, once we've settled into a routine, we could reach out to John? I know, this is crazy, but I miss having him in our lives. His focus, his drive, they really held hone my own skills in the lab, and well, haven't we punished him enough for the way he treated us at Rigden?"

He cocked his head to one side as he parked on the street in front of her father's house, turning off the car as he tried to think of a response to her question. She was right, in a way, they had punished him for far too long, but he didn't know if he was quite ready to welcome John back into the fold after everything he had done to split them up. "Perhaps we can think about that, yes. I'm not certain I want to say yes or no right away, since I think I'll need time to think about this. Would that be okay?"

Roxanna's face softened into a smile as she nodded. "I wouldn't ask you to do anything you're not comfortable with, Henrik, ever. So take your time, and I'll follow your lead." Leaning in, she kissed him quickly before climbing out of the car and bounding up the stairs and into her father's house. Henrik shook his head a little before he followed after her, trying not to hesitate as he crossed the threshold into the house. "Henrik, hurry! Dad has lunch just about ready!"

Stepping out of his shoes, he made his way into the kitchen to see Roxanna was pouring them glasses of water, whilst Callum was stirring something that smelled absolutely delicious. "I'm glad that you've made it here safely, Henrik! Roxanna mentioned that you were going to head out for Bath in the morning?"

"Yes, sir. I thought, since it was quite the drive from Sunderland, it would be best to be well rested before we continued on."

"A wise idea. And I couldn't help but notice that there's a new ring on her finger."

Henrik's eyes widened a little as he threw a desperate glance at his fiancée. "Roxanna didn't call you?"

Callum burst into laughter as he shook his head. "You should have seen your face, Henrik! Of course she told me, she was bursting with joy when she called me. I just wanted to tease you a little."

Henrik nodded before letting his shoulders sag. He wasn't accustomed to being teased, but a part of his heart warmed at being included in the family in this way. "I see that I'll have to stay on my toes around you, Callum."

"That you will," he said with a smile as he began to portion their food out onto plates before handing them to Roxanna to place on the table. "Though I hope, in time, you'll give as good as you get."

"We'll have to see about that, Dad. I've told you that my Henrik is the serious, stalwart, person in my life. He grounds my levity in a way that I am ever so grateful for." Roxanna leaned over and kissed him gently before taking a seat at the table. Henrik let Callum sit as well, before taking the chair next to Roxanna. He knew to hold out his hands to her and Callum, and waited for one of them to bless the meal. "Henrik, I know that this is a little out of your comfort zone, but would you say the blessing today?"

He nodded slightly, trying to find the right words to say. Taking a deep breath, Henrik bowed his head, staring at the table as he spoke. "May this food, so kindly prepared, nourish and sustain us as we go about the rest of our day. And may we find our footing together as we start the journey to become a family. Thank you for bringing these wonderful people into my life, and allowing me to find a place here. Amen."

Roxanna squeezed his hand tightly as she raised her head to look at him, tears gathering in her eyes. "Well, now I know why my girl said yes to marrying you," Callum said softly. Henrik turned his head to look at his future father in law, and saw the approving smile on his face. "I didn't quite see it until now, but you are the gentle person that she needs, aren't you?"

"I hope to be, sir," he replied before squeezing Roxanna's hand in return and then picking up his fork to start digging in. The food was delicious, and he found himself growing more and more comfortable around Callum as the meal went on.

"Dad, we're going to head to the park, and bring back food for supper, okay? I, I…"

"I understand, luv. Go."

Roxanna nodded as she got to her feet, pulling Henrik to his feet as well before heading towards the door. He tripped after her, giving a small wave to Callum before they were stepping into their shoes and heading out the door. "Where are we really going?" he asked as they started down the pavement.

"Well, we're going to the park first, and then to the kirkyard. Mum has to know that we're getting married, after all, my love." He nodded and took firmer hold of her hand, wanting to let her know that he would always support her. From the look of love she threw his way, he knew that she understood entirely.


	39. Chapter 39

"Where do you want to go today?" Henrik asked as Roxanna came back into their bedroom, mugs of tea in her hands. Handing one over to him, she shrugged a little as she climbed into bed next to him, cuddling up to his side as she let her head come to rest on his shoulder. "Roxanna, I would be perfectly content to just walk around with you, aimlessly, but I feel like we should be doing something a little more productive with our time here. After all, once we come home to Sunderland, I don't know how much time we'll have to go on holiday."

"I know that you're right, Henrik, but this is the first time in ages that I've been able to just rest and be. And I get to do that in your presence, so that makes it all the better. Please, may we just relax and drink our coffee now, and then, when that's done, ask me that again?"

He took a deep breath as he nodded. "I suppose that would be acceptable." She smacked his chest lightly before turning her head up and kissing his jaw. "I'm so glad that you're finally getting my sense of humour, darling."

"You might be rubbing off on me, yeah," she breathed out before taking a sip of her coffee. "And thank you for indulging my need to go to the kirkyard. I know that some people would have been weirded out by that, so it makes it all the more dear to me."

Henrik let his arm come to rest around her shoulders, running his hand up and down her arm as he let a delicate silence fall around them. Roxanna seemed to melt into him as the silence deepened into something almost sacred, and he finished his coffee quickly before setting the mug aside and pulling his partner a little closer to him. "I love you," he finally whispered when the silence became too great, and she made a soft sound in the back of her throat as she reached across his body and set her empty mug next to his before straddling his body and leaning down to kiss him. It was a lush feeling, and he brought his hands up to cup her arse as she stretched out along him. The thin fabric of their pyjamas did little to disguise how aroused he was, and she snickered a little as she fumbled with the buttons on his top, pushing the fabric open before she tugged her tank top over her head. Henrik groaned a little as she brushed her breasts against his chest, and he slid his hands up her back to bury his fingers in her hair, bringing her head down so that he could capture her lips in a warm kiss. He could feel her hands tugging and pulling at the waistbands of the remaining barrier between them, and he lifted his hips to allow her easier access to get the pyjama pants off his legs.

"Henrik," she moaned out as he fitted himself inside her, thrusting up to fill her completely. She began to press kisses all along the planes of his face, running her hands through his hair as she gasped and cooed. "I love how easy this is between us. I love how we fit together so well. I love you."

He nodded and ran his hands down her back to come to rest on her hips, wanting to feel the motions of their bodies together through that touch. "You're so gorgeous," he said lowly before biting his lower lip when she twisted her hips in just the right way. "You chose me. You could have chosen anyone else in the world, you could have chosen someone better, but you decided that I was the one for you. Thank you."

She met his eyes and gave him a tender smile as she nodded before drawing in a soft, gasping, breath when he nudged against her clit. "Well, you always saw me for who I am, darling." She bent and kissed him again before starting to move her hips in a faster beat, trying to take control of the timing of their lovemaking. He allowed himself to give control over to her, knowing that she needed this in that moment, and she smiled before kissing him once more.

She came softly, the first time, and he held her close through her orgasm as he continued thrusting in and out of her. Roxanna smiled a little, her breathing coming in hitches and gasps as he slid one hand between their bodies so that he could tease her clit, building her up to another orgasm so that they could come apart together. As she tightened her muscles around him, Henrik could feel himself coming undone at the seams, and then they were both falling over the cliff towards that sweet, heady, abyss of orgasmic pleasure.

"You know my body so well," she panted out as Henrik fumbled around for her hands, bringing them to his lips and kissing them over and over as they struggled to catch their breaths. "Oh, Henrik, I cannot wait to be yours every day."

"Every day?"

She giggled as she rolled off him, curling up against his side so that she could tug at his chest hair as she took a few short breaths. "Well, I know that we can't do this every day, our schedules will get in the way of that. But we get to grow and love and just be together. I remember, even when Mum and Dad fought, they could always come back together, no matter what, because they loved each other so much. And I feel that way when I'm with you. I feel like we could get through anything, so long as we're together."

He turned his head and pressed his lips against her temple, breathing in her essence as he nodded. "I didn't have the greatest example of that kind of love. But when you talk about it, I can almost see that future in your words."

"Well, I'll just have to work harder to make certain that we share that kind of love. I mean, I feel like we're already more than halfway there, don't you?" He nodded. "And I think that I'd like to go to the Jane Austen Centre this afternoon. We could shower and then head out? Maybe find a spot of lunch at a little café before strolling our way down to the Centre?"

"Nothing sounds better than that," he said as he fished around for her hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing it softly before slipping out of bed, tugging her along with him into the bathroom. This shower was a little larger than others, and they both easily fit inside. Henrik turned the water on and let it fall down on him as he adjusted the temperature of the flow, knowing that she liked it a little cooler than he preferred. "And if there's time, I'd like to head to Bath Abbey before coming back to the hotel."

"You just want to take more pictures of me in pretty places!" she teased as she turned them so that she could be beneath the water. "Don't think I haven't discovered that! But I do like when you take my picture. It makes me feel beautiful."

"Because you are beautiful, Roxanna." He leaned down and kissed her forehead before reaching out for the shampoo and starting to lather it in Roxanna's hair, knowing how much she loved when he did that for her. "This is going to be another wonderful day."

"They always are when I'm with you," she replied softly, and he smiled a little as he dipped his chin, warmth spreading across his heart as she leaned up and kissed his cheek softly, never taking her eyes off him.


	40. Chapter 40

Henrik adjusted his tie a little as he walked into the auditorium. He hoped that his suit looked all right, since he hadn't had much time to iron it, as his flight had arrived later than he had anticipated, and then had completely forgotten to hang it up, as he had spent too long talking to David and Roxanna. He wished that he had been with them, since he knew they would have gotten along so well, but he also knew that life sometimes led to unfortunate outcomes. Stepping inside, he looked around for a good seat, but found that there wouldn't really be anywhere that she could easily see him.

And then, a seat in the front row appeared, and he hurried over and took it before anyone else could claim it. Glancing at his watch, he saw there was still a little bit of time to go before the ceremony began, and he pulled a well-worn copy of _The Prophet_ out of his coat pocket. Roxanna had mentioned it in passing sometime last year, and he had purchased a copy without her knowing. After the first readthrough, he felt like he knew her that much better, and by the third readthrough, it had become an old friend to him as well.

He had just finished reading the meditation "On Family" when the band started to play, and he slipped the volume back into his pocket before training his eyes on the empty chairs. The students began to file in, and he scanned the similarly dressed people for her familiar form. And then, his eyes lighted upon her pink tipped hair and he relaxed a little in his seat. David was right behind her, and he was glad that they were together in that moment.

The ceremony moved quickly, and he was amazed at how much different it seemed from his own, just a year ago. Though the adrenaline had been coursing through his veins back then, without John there, like had been the plan, even though he knew Roxanna was watching him. Clearing his throat quietly, he returned his focus back to the present, turning his attention to the stage. There were only about three hundred students present, so he knew that the ceremony would be short, since that had been approximately his class size.

The names started shortly after a small speech from the dean of Rigden, and Henrik sat up a little straighter, watching the students traipse across the stage, receiving their diplomas. And then, she was straightening her shoulders and climbing the three steps to reach the stage, handing over the small card with her name to the reader as she took a few deep breaths.

"Roxanna MacMillan." Henrik watched her stride across the stage, a wide grin on her lips as she paused to have her picture taken with the president of the college before descending the few steps and making her way back to her seat. Their eyes met, and he watched her wink at him before she sat down. The commencement speech was short, but humorous, and Henrik listened attentively, trying to keep from glancing at Roxanna too much, since he didn't want to be disrespectful.

Following the conclusion of the ceremony, Henrik followed the stream of people out into the entryway and waited for Roxanna and David in the place they had decided on the previous day. Leaning against the wall, he looked around for their familiar faces, only to hear Roxanna before he saw her. "Henrik!" Turning his head towards the sound of his name, he saw the beautiful smile on her lips before she ran over to his side, David ambling on a behind her, a bemused grin on his lips. "I did it!"

"I know you, did, darling. Was there ever any doubt?" She shook her head before wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tightly. He bent his head, letting his cheek rest against the top of her motorboard cap as they continued to embrace. He could feel her tears start to soak through his shirt, and he knew that she wouldn't want David to see her cry like that. Extending his left hand towards the man, they shook hands firmly as he nodded a little. "Good work, David."

"Thank you. So, Roxanna has talked about nothing other than her research and the fact that you're going to New York City for two days before you leave for Sweden. It was hard to tell which excited her more, honestly." David reached out and rubbed Roxanna's shoulder softly, and though there was a moment of jealousy that ran through Henrik's brain, he knew that the man was just being friendly. Roxanna giggled a little as she rubbed her face against his shirt before looking up and turning a little.

"I can be excited for more than one thing, boys," she said as she reached up to pull the cap off her head. "But now that it's all over, and I can breathe, I can be really excited about heading to Sweden and seeing my little Fredrik once more. It's hard to think about how much he's grown since we saw him last year! I mean, I've shown you the pictures Henrik's sent, and he's so big! But he has his Papa's hair, and eyes, and…"

"And you're in love with your family, I know." David chuckled a little as he turned his gaze to Henrik. "You're lucky to have found someone who desires to be a happy, blended, family. There aren't many people out there so willing to do that."

He nodded a little as he thought about David's words. He did have a point, but he didn't really want to think of it as being that odd. Family was family, after all, no matter what shape it took. But he knew that there were people out in the world who wouldn't view it that way, and that was clearly David's experience. "I am so lucky," he murmured as Roxanna cuddled in closer to him. "And once you're settled into your F1 training, you are more than welcome to come visit us. We're going to need our friends around us as much as possible as we grow into our careers."

"I would really enjoy that, thank you. I should probably go join my parents now, since they wanted to take me out to a celebratory lunch. Until we meet again?" Roxanna nodded before stepping away from Henrik to hug David tightly. Henrik held out his hand, shaking David's firmly before they watched him disappear into the crowd.

"I finally did it, Henrik."

"You did, and I am so proud of you, even if I will miss coming back to Rigden. I have some pretty good memories tied to this place, after all," he said as he pecked her cheek. She chuckled softly before wrapping her arm around his waist and guiding him over to the doors. "You don't want to change out of your robe?"

"No, I'll just take it off in the car, I'm wearing a pretty dress beneath, after all. I chose something that would make my Mum proud of me. And you need to take a few pictures of me, too, so that Dad can see them. He wanted to come, but…"

"I know. Sometimes jobs get in the way of what we want to do." He patted her hand tenderly as they made their way to the rental car, wanting to commiserate with her as best he could. After all, his father hadn't even bothered to come to his own graduation last year, and Roxanna had been there for him. It was the least that he could do, as they started their life journey together.


	41. Chapter 41

"I've always wanted to go to a small art gallery like this, Henrik. I mean, sure, we have them like this in England, but there's something so romantic about being in New York City, in an old mansion, surrounded by art." He smiled down at Roxanna as he nodded. "And it's so close to the Met, too, so if we have extra time, we can go there and explore a little, too."

"There is that. I just wish that we had time to see a show on Broadway."

"This just gives us a reason to come back someday. Maybe around Christmas, since I would imagine it's quite beautiful here around that time." He nodded as they reached the front of the line and he paid for them both before guiding her into the gallery itself. Roxanna didn't seem too keen on looking at the water features, instead pulling him in the direction of the Fragonard paintings. "I have loved these paintings ever since I took an art history course in my undergrad work. There's just something so frothy and light about them."

He nodded a little as he wrapped his arm around Roxanna's waist, holding her close as she studied the painting. There was something lovely about it, and he sighed a little before turning his head and nuzzling his nose into her hair. "Can you imagine wearing all those clothes, though? Or that hat?"

"Honestly? Yes. I would love to wear something outrageously extravagant as that hat. And the neckline of that dress would give you easy access to the one part of my body that you can never seem to take your hands and mouth off of." She gently dug her elbow into his side before giggling sweetly. "That's it, if we ever get invited to a costume party of any sort, we're dressing up in this style. And you are going to find me a swing so that we can take a picture like this. I don't care _how_ impractical it is."

He let out a little giggle of his own as he shook his head. "There is no way we're ever getting invited to a costume party, so of course I will agree to that, Roxy."

"I'm going to hold you to that, and even if it takes thirty years, it's going to happen." Roxanna turned her head and kissed his cheek softly. "Do you mind if we just stand in front of these paintings for a little while longer? I don't want to be boring, but I've dreamt of seeing these in real life for so long that I just want to drink in every detail of them. You don't have to stay with me, though. Go, enjoy the collection, and come get me when you're ready to leave."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. We're going to have the rest of our lives together, so I need to get used to the times when we're not going to be stuck together at the hip." She kissed his cheek once more before shooing him off. He let go of her waist and went back to the start of the collection, carefully perusing each piece, spending a little more time at the ones that caught his eye before moving on. There were a number of other people in the gallery, and he maneuvered his way around them as he looked at the paintings.

Finally, though, he had had his fill of art, and he went to find Roxanna once more. She had moved on to another of the Fragonard paintings, and the open look of admiration and awe on her face took his breath away, and he wished that he could take a photograph of that moment, to keep it with him forever. But he didn't know the etiquette behind taking pictures in the gallery, and he didn't want to do something that might get them in trouble. Instead, he gazed at Roxanna for a few moments longer, committing this image of her to his mind before coming up to her side and wrapping his arm around her waist. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" he murmured in her ear as she cuddled closer to him.

"That's kind of you to say, but we both know that I'm nothing much to look at. I mean, look at her. Whoever was Fragonard's model, she was beautiful."

"I honestly don't see any difference between the two of you. Because on top of your physical beauty, there is this light inside your heart that shines through on your face that makes you ethereally gorgeous." He turned his head and pressed his lips against the temple of Roxanna's head. "You're my sunshine when the days get a little too dark."

Roxanna sighed as she looked up into his face, a tender smile on her lips. "All right, I'll be your beautiful girl, Henrik. As long as you will be my handsome boy." He gave her a small smile before nodding a little. "Perfect. Now, I don't think we'll have time to properly tour the Met, but perhaps we could disappear into Central Park and walk around before we head back to the Belvedere?"

"You just want to go to the zoo," he teased as they started to make their way out of the gallery. The warm air caressed their skin as they stepped outside, and Roxanna stepped away from him a little to take hold of his hand, rather than copiously perspire.

"It might be nice to check out some places that we could bring Fredrik and our own children on holiday. I'm not one to want to go to Disney, that's too cutesy for me. And I can't see you riding any rides, my love."

"You're right there," he replied as they followed the pavement into the park. There were quite a few people walking around, and he smiled at a young mother playing with her baby on a blanket beneath a tree. "One day, that's going to be you," he said as he gestured towards them with his head.

"I certainly hope so! I just, I want it all, Henrik, and I don't know how I'll juggle learning my specialty whilst trying to become a mother. I don't want to be an older mother?" He nodded as he squeezed her hand three times. "Oh, look, ice cream!"

He chuckled a little at the sudden change in her mood, and allowed Roxanna to drag him over to the small cart, paying the exorbitant price for two small ice cream bars. The pleasure on Roxanna's face made the price seem all the better, and they made their way over to a bench and took a seat as they ate and watched the people passing by. "Well, I think that we should maybe think about getting a cat first, just to see if we can handle keeping it alive, before we add a baby to the mix. I mean, just like a baby, the cat would be totally dependent upon us for life."

A tight look passed over her face before she nodded and gave him a small smile. "That's probably a good idea, Henrik," she murmured before turning her attention back to her ice cream and those around them. A part of him wanted to press her for more answers, since he felt that she was holding something back from him, but he didn't want to upset her further, so he just let his arm come to rest around her shoulders as she laid her head on his chest and let out a deep sigh. He just hoped she would tell him what was on his mind before too long.


	42. Chapter 42

The flight over to Sweden had gone quite smoothly, and he shouldered Roxanna's carry on bag as they got in line for customs. Roxanna's energy had been flagging the entire way, and he hadn't minded when she had curled up on his chest shortly after the meal had been served and drifted off to sleep. That had allowed him to watch her a little and continue to wonder what was going through her brain. "Don't worry, darling, we'll head to the hotel after we pick up our rental car and you can go back to sleep. We're not meeting with Maja and Fredrik until tomorrow, anyway. I knew that you'd want to get your feet beneath you, after all."

"I never did thank you for that kindness, did I?" she murmured as she picked up their one suitcase. "And thanks for letting me have half of your suitcase, too. I had so few clothes left in my apartment, after all."

"It was nothing, Roxanna," he said as they moved forward. The line moved right along, and soon they were in front of the customs official, getting their passports stamped as they answered a few questions. With that out of the way, he guided Roxanna over to the car rental kiosk, letting her lean on him as he took care of all the necessary details before being handed a set of keys. Roxanna climbed into the passenger seat of the car as he packed their bags into the boot. By the time he was sliding behind the wheel, Roxanna was fast asleep, and he looked at her in concern as he set the car to fit his long legs, adjusting the mirrors to be in the right places before turning the vehicle on.

It bothered him that she was so tired, and he wondered if she had driven herself too hard the last few weeks of her program, since he knew that she was so driven to succeed. Sighing a little, he awkwardly shrugged out of his jacket before draping it over her still form, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand before backing out of his space and getting started on the drive to where Maja was currently living. It was a two-hour drive, so he knew that Roxanna could get a good nap in as long as he drove smoothly. Turning up the radio a little, he quickly found his favorite radio station, smiling when he recognized the Wagner piece currently being played.

As he drove, he thought about what he would say to Maja. They had been corresponding semi-regularly for the last three months, trying to get this trip together, and he had had the feeling from her letters that she wasn't too keen on having Roxanna there, even though he had made it clear that she was going to be his wife. There had been something almost desperate about her last letter, as if she was refusing to believe that he could be truly happy with the woman he had chosen, and Henrik hoped that this wouldn't derail the visit in any way.

And a part of him recognized that he should have told Roxanna about the possible friction. If Maja knew that he had kept that from her, there was every possibility that she could try to use that as a way in with him. Sighing a little, he turned his focus back onto the road and the music, pushing his misgivings to the back of his mind. By the time he pulled into a parking space in front of the hotel, he had relaxed a little, and he glanced over at Roxanna's still sleeping form with fondness. Bending down, he kissed her cheek softly before getting out and heading inside.

The clerk behind the desk looked up from the book she was reading to give him a warm smile. " _Checkar in?"_

He nodded hesitantly before replying, " _Engelska, tack?"_

The woman nodded and asked again, "Checking in?"

"Yes. The reservation should be under the name Henrik Hanssen?"

The clerk looked through the large schedule book and found his name. "Ah yes, here for five nights?"

"That's correct." She smiled at him once more before starting the check in process, having him sign documentation before taking his deposit for the room. As she handed over the keys, he heard a familiar set of footsteps behind him and sighed a little as Roxanna slid her arm around his waist. That was fast becoming a welcome, familiar, habit. "We're on the ground floor, darling, if you want to head there while I get our bags."

"That sounds like a plan," she murmured before kissing his cheek and making her way down the hall with the keys and paperwork. Henrik smiled after her for a bit before making his way outside and quickly grabbing their bags, bringing them all inside. The clerk gave him a small nod as he passed by the front desk, and he nodded in return as he went down the hall to their room.

Roxanna had propped the door open with her shoe, and he let out a little scoffing laugh as he pushed his way inside, kicking the shoe over to it's mate before making his way over to the long dresser and dropping their carry on bags atop it, setting his suitcase on the floor. "I should have helped you with that," Roxanna said softly as she looked up from the book she was reading.

"You're fine, darling." He came over to her side and pressed a kiss to her forehead before flopping down on the end of the bed and looking up at the ceiling. "I cannot wait to see my son again. Do you think he remembers me?"

"It all depends on what Maja has told him about you, about us. I'm hoping that it's been nothing but good, you know. I really want her to like me, even if she does feel like I'm moving in on her territory." Roxanna closed her book with a loud thump before stretching out next to him, her hand finding his blindly. "I enjoyed our time in New York, but I think that I'm going to enjoy the time here a little more, since I'll be spending it with you and Fredrik."

"I completely understand, Roxanna," he said as he turned onto his side and looked at her. She had her right arm curved around her head, a dreamy smile on her lips. Reaching over, Henrik slipped his hand beneath her shirt and splayed it out on her stomach. There was a new roundness there, and he wondered if he should ask about the weight gain. Not that he would complain, because he loved her whatever she looked like, he just wanted to know if this was something she was comfortable with. Still, he decided not to broach the subject with her in that moment, since this trip already had the potential to blow up in their faces.

"I could really devour a cheeseburger right about now, Henrik. Is there anywhere that we could find one of those? With really good chips?"

He laughed a little as he patted her stomach lightly, listening to her let out a little purr of pleasure before she turned onto her side and kissed him passionately. "That hungry, are we?" She nodded. "Fine, let's go find a place to eat." She squealed a little in pleasure as she slipped off the bed and stretched, smiling widely at him as she waited for him to join her.


	43. Chapter 43

"I just don't think this skirt fits right, Henrik. Do I look all right?" Roxanna was frowning at her reflection in the mirror as she tugged at the waistband of her skirt, and Henrik nodded a little, trying to think of something to say to make her feel better about the way she looked.

"You're worrying too much, darling," he said as he wrapped his arm around her middle, pulling her back against him. "Fredrik is still a baby, and Maja isn't into women. Believe me when I tell you that you look amazing to me. But if you're not comfortable, you could always wear that broom skirt I saw in the drawer."

"I suppose, Henrik," she said as she turned and kissed him softly. "Give me two minutes, and I'll be ready to head out the door."

He nodded and watched her unzip the leopard print skirt she was wearing, letting it fall to the floor as she opened the dresser drawer and pulled out the black broom skirt he had mentioned. "Does that make you feel better?" he asked as he picked up the other skirt and folded it before sliding it into the drawer.

"It does. Thank you," she said as she picked up a small gift bag before taking hold of his hand. "Let's go before I lose my nerve. Or my breakfast. This is making me just a tad bit queasy." Henrik nodded as he threaded their fingers together and led her from the hotel room, locking the door behind them before guiding her out to the car.

They didn't talk hardly at all as he drove to Maja's house, though from the few words Roxanna spoke, Henrik knew that her nerves were starting to get the better of her. He wished that he could read her mind, so that he could know exactly what to tell her in order to calm her down. As he pulled into the drive, he could hear Roxanna start to take slow, deep, breaths in an effort to soothe herself. In a show of solidarity, he began to copy her breathing, finding that it did calm him, too. "All right, we're here."

"We are," she whispered as she unbuckled her belt. Henrik followed suit and stepped out of the vehicle before coming around to her side and opening the door for her, holding out his elbow. Roxanna slipped her hand into the crook and gave him a blinding smile as she nodded a little at him. "I do hope he likes the stuffie I picked out for him at FAO Schwartz."

"I'm certain that he will, darling." He pressed his lips to the side of her head. She sighed a little as he brought his hand up to the door and knocked firmly. They had to wait there on the doorstep for about two minutes, and he could feel Roxanna tense up next to him the longer they waited. Finally, though, he could hear feet walking towards him, and they inhaled in tandem as the door rattled and then opened, revealing Maja.

"Oh, you're here already. I wasn't expecting you for another thirty minutes."

Henrik nodded, knowing that was a bald-faced lie. "We made good time, Maja. May we come in?" His ex lover nodded and motioned them inside. Roxanna went in first, and Maja smirked at him a little as he brushed past her, trying to make certain that they didn't touch. She seemed to have other things in mind as she stepped forward quickly, allowing her breasts to brush against his arm in what she clearly thought was an alluring manner. He shook his head a little as he caught up to Roxanna and wrapped his arm around her waist, looking balefully at Maja. "So, where's Fredrik?"

"Up in his room. Follow me."

He knew that Maja was upset with him from the tone of her voice, and it seemed like Roxanna had picked up on that as well, since she frowned up at him a little before knocking her shoulder against his chest in a loving manner. "He's probably grown so much since I saw him last. Is he walking yet?"

"He is. And he's started to babble words at me. I've been teaching him English and Swedish, since I know you probably haven't had time to learn our language. Not that I fault you for that, since you've had to learn how to be a doctor." There was a hanging but in the air that they both felt and Roxanna started to worry her lower lip between her teeth as Henrik fought to keep from replying with a sarcastic reply.

"I do know a few words, like _tack_ and _sk_ _ö_ _lpadda_. I've been picking things up piecemeal, but I do want to learn." Henrik let his fingers dance along her side as they reached the top of the stairs, following Maja into a spacious nursery. He wondered how she could afford such a lavish dwelling space, but he knew that he wouldn't get an answer from Maja, not with Roxanna there. And then his eyes focused on his son, a wide smile appearing on his lips as Fredrik held his arms out towards them.

" _Pappa! Pappa!"_ Fredrik cried out as he banged against the side of his crib. Maja picked him up and brought him over to Henrik, who snuggled his son close to his chest as he struggled not to cry. That was a losing battle, as Fredrik kissed his cheek before letting his head thump down on his shoulder.

"I'll go make us some tea, then?" Maja asked as she looked between the three of them. Henrik nodded absently, not really paying attention as she left the room.

"You've gotten so big, Freddie," Roxanna breathed out as she rested her hand on Fredrik's back. Though Henrik might never shorten his son's name, it sounded so right coming from her lips, and he gave her a small wink before making his way over to the rocking chair by the window and taking a seat. Roxanna sank to the floor, crossing her legs beneath her as she looked up at them. There was a gorgeous smile on her face, and he felt his own smile grow the longer he looked at her. "I brought you a pressie," she said as she held out the bag to Fredrik.

Henrik took hold of it, letting his son tug out the tissue paper and fling it to the ground before he pulled out the small giraffe that Roxanna had bought for him. "Mine?"

"Yes, that's yours, Freddie. I hope you like him."

"What do you say to Mama Roxanna?" Henrik said before whispering " _tack_ " in his son's ear.

" _Tack!"_

Roxanna nodded and then giggled with pleasure as Fredrik launched himself out of Henrik's arms and into hers, giving her a few sloppy baby kisses before snuggling in close to her. Henrik used that opportunity to take a few pictures of his little family, before joining them on the floor and taking some pictures of all three of them, hoping that at least one would turn out. "I love you two, so very much," Roxanna said tenderly as she scooted closer to Henrik so that she could rest her head on his chest, letting out a deep, contented, breath as they watched Fredrik wriggle out of Roxanna's arms and begin to play with his new toy, happy squeals emanating from his lips at random as he came toddling over to them with other toys to play with. This was the life that he wanted for them, and he wished that he could make it a reality.


	44. Chapter 44

"Do you think that Maja will let us spend the night tonight? I'd really like to put Fredrik to bed, and maybe be the one to wake him up in the morning. I mean, we're going to have to know his routine, if he comes visit us in Sunderland."

"I can ask when we get there this morning. Do you want to put some extra clothes into one of our carry on bags and stick it in the boot, just in case?" Roxanna nodded eagerly, and he gave her an indulgent smile as she emptied out her carry on, piling the contents neatly on the dresser before packing fresh underwear for them, along with new shirts and their pyjamas. Then she disappeared into the bathroom, and he listened to her putter around in there as he finished dressing. When she returned, she had a small cosmetics bag in her hands that she slipped into the larger bag before zipping it up and giving him a small smile. "All ready to go?"

"I think so. It's just…did I do something to offend Maja?"

Henrik had assumed this conversation would be coming at some point, since he had noticed the tension radiating off Maja from the moment they had appeared on her doorstep. "She hasn't really talked to me about anything with regards to you." Roxanna stiffened a little as she looked at him, her eyes darting around his face, as if she couldn't find a place to focus on, as if her brain was just a second behind her ears. "Roxy…"

"So, she's talked about you, with you, then? About what?"

The tension in Roxanna's voice caused him to wince, and he stepped closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist as he took a few deep breaths. "She wants to resume a relationship between us." A short gasp tore from Roxanna's lips, and he tightened his hold on her, not knowing how to comfort her in that moment. "I keep telling her that you're the only woman in my life now, but she doesn't seem to understand that that's the case. So she's jealous of what we have, and I'm trying to diffuse the situation."

"I see." He hated how defeated and sad those two words sounded, and he welcomed her turning into him, rubbing her cheek against his chest as he enclosed her in his arms. "I'm going to try my hardest to make her like me, because I want to have a connection with Freddie. I don't think she likes me calling him that, but I feel like that's something only the two of us share. Is that stupid?"

"No," he murmured before pressing his lips to the top of her head. She relaxed a little against him before letting out a deep sigh. "You are not stupid, and I don't want anyone to make you feel that way. Maja just has some issues that she needs to work through. Trust me, please?"

"All right," she whispered before pulling away from him. As she looked up into his face once more, he could read the sorrow and fear that lingered in her eyes, and he shuddered a little at the sight, knowing that he had unwittingly put those feelings there. "I just want you to know, no matter what happens, I love you. I love every part of you, and that includes your son."

Roxanna pursed her lips as she blinked rapidly, trying to keep from crying. He nodded as he cupped her face, closing his eyes as he brought their foreheads together. "And I love every part of you, Roxanna MacMillan." They stood there quietly for a few moments before she nodded a little and stepped back from him. "Now, are we ready to head out for the day?"

"Yes." Roxanna took hold of his hand before smiling at him. The expression never quite reached the depths of her eyes, and he knew that he would have to comfort her a little more once they were alone, even if that meant taking a long walk with Fredrik on Maja's property. "I really can't wait to start work, you know. I feel like I've been in a bit of a holding pattern, waiting for this moment. And I know I need to do my rotations between the different wards, but we both know what my specialty will be."

"As if there was ever any doubt what that would be," he tried to tease, hoping that it came off right. From the little giggle that slipped from her mouth, he knew that she had understood his intent, and he squeezed her hand a little harder as they reached their car.

Henrik set the bag in the back seat before getting behind the wheel and taking off for Maja's. It didn't surprise him to find Maja waiting for them outside, a cold smile on her lips. From the corner of his eye, he watched Roxanna stiffen a little, drawing herself up to her full seated height, as if she was trying to steel herself for the encounter to come. "Everything will be fine," he murmured as he put the car in gear and turned it off.

"I know," she replied as she got out of the car, giving Maja and Fredrik a small wave as she waited by the front of the car. Henrik reached into the back seat and grabbed the strap of the bag, pulling it over the seat as he clambered out of the small car and made his way over to Roxanna. Taking hold of her hand, they walked up to Maja, and he smiled a little as Fredrik leaned out towards Roxanna. Maja frowned a little as she handed his son over to his fiancé. "Hi, Freddie, did you miss me?" she cooed as they went inside.

"Are you planning on spending the night, Henrik?" Maja asked as she tried to take hold of his arm. Brushing her off, he went into the house, intent on following after Roxanna right away. His former lover seemed to have other ideas, though, as she caught his hand and tugged him sharply to her side. "Answer me! Have you finally seen the light? Is she going back to the hotel alone?"

He glanced over at the stairs and saw Roxanna there, Fredrik hugged close to her chest, that unbearable sadness back in her eyes. From the sly glance Maja threw her way, he knew that she was pleased with this turn of events. Before he could even think about what would happen next, Maja pulled him in close and gave him a passionate kiss, wrapping an arm around his neck to keep him in place. He could vaguely hear Roxanna's dismayed cry in the background, and he fought to pull himself away from Maja, knowing that he had to make things right between himself and Roxanna before a rift grew between them. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he hissed as he tore himself away from the woman and stumbled over towards the stairs.

"I'm just staking my claim, Henrik. Whether you give in now or later, you're mine. That's what your father promised me, and that is what will happen. Understand?"

"That will never happen, Maja. Never." Turning his back on the woman, he stalked up the stairs and made his way to the nursery, wondering just how upset Roxanna was with him. And a part of him didn't know if she would ever be able to forgive him for that kiss.


	45. Chapter 45

Henrik woke up feeling incredibly cold and empty. Sitting up in the bed, he frowned to see that the spot next to him was empty. Reaching out, he rubbed his hand over her spot, finding it cool to the touch. "Roxanna?" he called out as he slipped from the bed and padded over to the restroom, peeking inside to find that she wasn't there, either. Roughly pushing his fingers through his hair, he flipped the lights on to the room and let out a long, tired, breath to see that she was asleep at the table, her head buried in her arms.

Padding over to her side, Henrik reached out and touched her shoulder, trying to gently wake her. She startled awake anyway, and gave him a tremulous smile. "I don't think that I can do this any longer, Henrik. My heart is aching too badly. I know she'll always be a part of our lives, but my heart just aches right now. Would you mind if I went home to Sunderland a few days early? I don't want to go, but I feel like I have to before I say something that would reflect poorly on you or might make Maja not want to let us see Fredrik in the future. I called the airline yesterday afternoon, when you were in the shower, and they said that I could easily change my flight to an earlier one, there wouldn't be an additional charge. I'm just so tired, my love."

He crouched down next to her, picking up her hand and threading their fingers together as he stared into her eyes. They swam with tears, and he felt his own eyes prickle with reciprocal tears. Gently, he tugged her towards him, welcoming her into his lap as she burst into sobs, burying her face in the crook of his neck. "I didn't realise that you were so tired, darling."

"I hate being this clingy, weepy, woman, Henrik. This isn't me. I don't want there to be this strife between Maja and me, but she just doesn't like me, no matter how hard I try to find a way in." He nodded and rubbed her back in low circles. "I want you to have a wonderful trip, Henrik, and that obviously cannot be with me."

"Don't say that, Roxy."

"It's the truth, my love. I can take the train back to the city and catch my flight this afternoon, and you can make more memories with Fredrik. Please, do this for us, for me."

He let out a long breath as he thought about her words. She had a point, but he felt himself becoming so ridiculously angry with Maja, for forcing his love to take this step. He knew, though, that he couldn't take those feelings out on Roxanna. "I want you to be absolutely certain that you're okay with me being here alone. I know that the kiss Maja forced on me yesterday probably won't be the last that she tries to give me, especially with you leaving. I can understand why we didn't spend the night, it would have been too awkward, but I don't want her to have even the hint of an opening, even if it's one that's not there."

There was another small pause as Roxanna tangled her fingers in his hair, tugging lightly. "I have complete faith in your ability to resist her wiles, Henrik. I just need a few extra days to get my heart back on a more even keel before I begin work. Believe me, I completely understand that she will always be a part of our present, but we are the ones with a future together." Roxanna pulled away from him a little so that she could look into his eyes. "I already packed, the train leaves in three hours, if I want to take it, and our flat in Sunderland is calling my name. Let me be a domestic hausfrau for a few days. Please?"

He knew that he couldn't deny her request, not when it was tearing her up so much, and so he dipped his head a little, listening to her hiccup before starting to cry once more. "I would do anything to keep you happy, Roxanna." He pressed his lips against her head as he rocked them back and forth a little, holding her tightly as he started to hum a little, wanting to soothe her. "How about we walk down to that quiet little bistro and have breakfast and then I'll get your ticket for the train."

"Thank you," she mumbled as they stumbled to their feet. Roxanna wrapped her arms around his waist as soon as they were standing, almost trying to bury herself inside him as he closed his arms around her. "And tell Freddie that I love him, too. So very much. I know, he probably won't hear anything good about me from Maja, but you can influence him, still."

"I will definitely tell him how sweet and loving you are, Roxanna. Because it's the truth, and we should always let the truth come to light." She nodded a little before sighing deeply. "Take a shower, it might make you feel better, and it's always better to feel clean when travelling."

"As always, you are my practical love," she murmured as she stepped away from him and gave him a shaky smile. "I want to be selfish and ask you to join me, but you have other things to do this morning, since I've terribly derailed your plans."

"I can sit in there with you, since I don't need another shower quite yet." The joy that lit up her face told him that he had made the right decision, and he reached out for her hand, letting her lead him to the bathroom. He sat on the bathroom counter and watched Roxanna strip off her pyjamas, folding them before setting them on the counter next to him. He used the opportunity to take a good look at her body. She had softened a little since they had been together last, and he found himself falling in love with her new shape all over again.

Roxanna cleared her throat, and he ran his eyes up to hers, seeing the small smirk on her lips. "You always do know how to make a woman feel beautiful," she said with a small wink before stepping into the shower and turning the water on. "I know, I've gained a little weight, but you still look at me as if you can't wait to devour me."

"Guilty." They shared another look, and then she shook her head a little as she turned to face away from the water as she picked up the shampoo and lathered her hair. There was something so wonderfully sensuous about watching her in such a vulnerable moment, and he had to fight the urge to join her. The longer he watched though, the angrier he became with Maja, since she had almost destroyed the gentle spirit of his Roxanna. He knew that he had to say something to her, to get her in line before Roxanna returned with him to Sweden. Hopefully, his going alone there today would help him be firm enough to put Maja in her place finally.

The steam from the shower fogged the glass, lending a hazy quality to Roxanna's body, and as he came out of his thoughts, he watched as Roxanna drew a large heart on the glass, and he smiled a little, knowing that he would miss her for the next three days.


	46. Chapter 46

Henrik waved to Roxanna one last time before she disappeared from view, feeling her absence as soon as the train was a spot on the horizon. Letting out a deep sigh, he turned and made his way back to the rental car. He slipped behind the wheel, breathing in the delicate scent of Roxanna's perfume that seemed to permeate every molecule of air long after she had gone.

He found himself driving slower than normal, since he was trying to control his anger towards Maja. He knew that it wouldn't be the best reaction if he just completely laid into her that afternoon, since he still had two days that he wanted to spend with Fredrik. Still, by the time he had pulled into the drive, a white hot ball of rage had coalesced in his heart, and he slammed the car door firmly before stalking up to the door, knocking heavily.

"Henrik! Where's Roxanna?" Maja simpered as she slowly pulled the door open. There was barely concealed desire in her eyes as they met his, and he watched that feeling die as she took a good look at him. "Henrik?"

"I'm here to see Freddie. I'm going to pack up a small bag for him and take him back to the hotel for the last few days that I'm here."

"You can't do that! He's my son!"

"Wrong, he's our son, and I know for a fact that my name is on the birth certificate. My father made certain to tell me as much when I came to get my mother's engagement ring for Roxanna. Now, step aside. I need to be with Freddie." He made certain to emphasize his son's nickname, knowing that it would irritate her. Maja stamped her foot a little as he went to the stairs and began to climb them. "Oh, and you need to get accustomed to not having our son with you at all times. Because as soon as I get home, I'm going to see a lawyer and press for custody."

"What?! I don't think so! He can't spend time in England, away from his mother! He deserves to have both of his parents in his life, full time. I know that Daddy can get you a good position at a hospital here, if that's what you truly want, rather than to take over for your father, and we can be a family!" She rushed over to his side, tugging on his arm as he fought to keep her from embracing him. "Henrik! Stop and look at me!"

"Why should I? Roxanna came here, hoping to start a cordial, friendly, relationship with you, because she knows that you're Fredrik's mother, and you treated her worse than garbage! Your jealousy and rudeness caused her to go home early, so that she wouldn't be unkind to you."

There was a slight pause, and Henrik used that opportunity to climb the rest of the stairs and make his way towards Fredrik's bedroom. Maja soon caught up with him, though, using her momentum and a small element of surprise to shove him against the wall before kissing him hard, one hand slipping down to stroke his cock, trying to make him aroused. He felt nothing but disgust for her, though, and he pushed back against her, causing her to fall to the floor and look up at him in surprise. "Henrik?"

"Quit playing these games, Maja. We're not a couple, and we never will be again, no matter how badly you want that. My heart belongs to Roxanna. And if you keep pushing me like this, I'm not just going to push for joint custody, I'm going to ask for full custody. It shouldn't be that hard to get, since Roxanna and I both have good careers, and we're a couple. What can you offer Freddie?"

He could tell that the venom in his voice was seriously scaring her, and that felt good to him, since he wanted her to feel some measure of the discomfort that he and Roxanna were going through. "This isn't you. You're not cruel, Henrik. I know that she's infected you with this, this, vile attitude. You need to get away from her…"

Her words abruptly stopped at the look he shot her, and then he shook his head. "I am going to pack a bag for Freddie," he repeated, each word crisp and sharp, "and then the two of us are heading back to my hotel room. You may pick him up forty-eight hours from now, as that will still give me enough time to make my flight. Do I make myself clear?"

Henrik stared at her until she finally nodded, and then he turned on his heel and heavily walked to Fredrik's room, trying to shed some of his anger before he saw his son. Resting his hand on the doorknob, he took a deep breath before plastering a fake, placid, smile on his lips as he opened the door and stepped inside. Fredrik was still sleeping, and that was for the best, since it met that Henrik could gather the things he would need for the next few days without his son underfoot. After rummaging around in the closet, he finally found a suitable bag and carefully filled it with the clothes and diapers he would need for the next few days. He knew that he would need more than that, though, and he stuck his head out into the hall, and beckoned Maja over to him with a sharp wave of his hand.

She nodded eagerly and scurried over to his side, trying to look apologetic. He wasn't buying it, however, instead, gesturing towards the bag before speaking lowly. "Please put the rest of what I'll need in that bag," he said lowly before going over to Fredrik's side and carefully lifting him up into his arms. Fredrik rubbed his face against his chest before letting out a soft yawn and cuddling against him. That small, innocent, move broke through his rage, and Henrik relaxed a little as he turned and focused his gaze back on Maja. She was just finishing up the packing, and he lifted an eyebrow as he continued to watch her, wishing she would hurry along.

"I think that should be all you need. I could always come with you, you know, just in case he misses Mummy."

"That won't be necessary, Maja," he said coldly as he rubbed Fredrik's back. "I will need his carseat, however, so you may follow me down to the car." She gave him a small nod before turning on her heel and scurrying from the bedroom, the handle of the bag slung over her shoulder. Once she was out of sight, he let his shoulders fall a little as he hummed to Fredrik. His son didn't really react, which was good, since he didn't want him to wake up until they were back at the hotel, anyway. "No matter what happens in our future, Freddie, you will know that Roxanna and I love you, and want nothing but the best for you." He kissed his son's head and left the nursery, heading down the stairs carefully until he had reached the last one.

Once he was outside, he found that Maja had already transferred the carseat and the bag, and he gave her a tight nod before carefully resting Fredrik in it and buckling him safely inside. "Really, Henrik, if you need…"

"If I need anything, I will ask the front desk for help. They're certain to know someone who can assist me. And we've taken care of Freddie for the last two days, everything should be fine." He quietly closed the car door and then pulled out his keys. "I would have hoped that this trip had gone a little easier, but I'm glad that I got to see this side of you, before my father really had convinced me to get back together with you." He gave her a disparaging look as he took a seat behind the wheel and started the car, quickly leaving Maja in the dust as he put as much distance between them as he possibly could.


	47. Chapter 47

The flight back to England had been smooth and uneventful, though he missed having Roxanna next to him, talking to him throughout the flight. He patted his pocket a little to make certain he had remembered to pick up the necklace he had purchased for Roxanna. He had seen it in the window of a shop as he had been exploring the town, and he knew that he had to get it for her. Fredrik had seemed to agree, since he had clapped and gurgled happily as the clerk had showed it to them.

"I'm almost home," he murmured as the plane began to descend. It was only in that moment that he paused, though, realizing that he and Roxanna had never set up a meeting time. She was most likely occupied with cleaning or getting ready for their first shift together on Monday, and he drew in a deep breath as the wheels touched down on the runway. The short taxi to the gate afforded him a few moments to try and collect himself, trying to formulate a plan. Thankfully, their flat wasn't too far from the train station, though he could always hail a cab if he didn't feel like carrying his bags all the way home.

Finally, they arrived at the gate, and he instinctively looked for Roxanna, even though he knew she most likely wouldn't be there, as soon as he stepped into the terminal. Shaking his head a little, he went to baggage claim and waited for his luggage before heading out to the train station and getting a ticket to Sunderland. He didn't have to wait long for his train to arrive, and he managed to find a seat, settling in as he took a few deep breaths. He was that much closer to home, and being in Roxanna's arms, where he could forget about the disastrous turn the trip had taken. By the time the train had arrived, he knew that he would be walking back to his flat, feeling the need to stretch his legs a little, after all the travelling he had recently done.

Thankfully, the weather was quite decent as he made his way to the flat, and he unlocked the door, letting himself in before calling out to Roxanna. "I'm home! Roxy?"

There was no answer, and he frowned a little as he let his bags drop to the floor before making his way inside the flat. It was so quiet that he knew she wasn't there, and he frowned a little, wondering where she had gone. After all, she had known that he was coming home that afternoon, and while he hadn't expected her to meet him, he still thought she would have been there when he arrived home. Stepping into the kitchen, he saw a piece of paper on the table, and he picked it up, reading her elegant script. _Henrik, if you're reading this, you made it home before I finished running my errands. I wanted to get something special for us tonight, to welcome you back, since I've missed you so. If you're early enough, though, you could meet me at Nudo Sushi Box. I'm so glad that you're home! Rxx_

Since he had a destination to perhaps find her at, Henrik smiled as he turned and made his way back outside, knowing exactly where to head. It was a quick fifteen minute walk to the restaurant, and his smile only grew when he reached it and caught sight of Roxanna's head at a table towards the back. With a new spring to his step, he began to approach her, only to catch sight of the back of another familiar head. His easy smile slipped from his lips as Roxanna noticed him and reached out to touch John's arm, gesturing towards him with a grin on her face.

"Henrik!" she called out, waving to him eagerly, even as John turned and gave him an almost knowing smirk. The joy at being reunited with his love was fast turning to ashes inside him as he saw the possessive way that John was holding on to Roxanna's hand. That didn't make any sense to him, since they had left things in a more nebulous state back in the States. "Isn't this the perfect surprise!" she said as he finally reached them, and she shook off John's hand so that she could hug him tightly, kissing his lips possessively before pulling him down into the booth next to her.

"I didn't realise that John would be here, too," he said, hoping that he didn't sound too put out with her, even though he was fast finding himself furious with the entire situation. He had wanted to spend this time with just her, not with John wriggling his way between them and ruining things. Roxanna still picked up on his attitude, as she slipped her hand beneath the table and squeezed his knee gently.

"It was a surprise to me, too, darling. But he arrived yesterday on some business. I thought it would be nice to have lunch with him before he heads back to London on Sunday, and then you came home in time to join us! And just in time, too, since we haven't placed our order yet." She let her head come to rest on his shoulder, sighing deeply, and he knew that he had hurt her unwittingly.

"Good," he replied softly, his eyes pinning John to his seat. "I managed to finish the roll of film in the camera, and was thinking we could drop it off tomorrow to be developed. I tried to take as many pictures of Freddie as I could, since you missed out on the last two days I had with him."

"Oh, thank you, Henrik!" Roxanna lifted her head and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. "I hope that Maja treated you nicer when I was gone."

"We didn't speak, really, for the rest of the trip. I brought Freddie back to the hotel, so that I could have quality time with him. And I told Maja that if she continued to treat you in such an abominable manner that I would sue for full custody."

Roxanna stiffened a little at those words, subtly pulling away from him before clearing her throat. "Did you really think that that was the best course of action?" she asked, her voice measured and controlled. The last time he had heard that tone, she had been deeply angry with John, though she was trying to keep a handle on her feelings. His eyebrows folded together in confusion, though he could tell their little disagreement was pleasing John, and he struggled to breathe evenly.

"At the time, I did. She needs to know that she can't lead us around by a chain, that trying to come on to me is inappropriate, that running you down is wrong. If it takes something as drastic as losing custody to our son, then those are the consequences. What's wrong, I thought you love Fredrik?"

"I do, Henrik. I just…I'm sorry. This is not an appropriate conversation to be having in front of our friend. We'll discuss it later." She took a deep breath before pulling away from him a little more, picking up her menu and staring at it, clearly shutting him off. He nodded a little as he picked up his own menu, staring at it blankly as he tried to find a way out of this fiasco.


	48. Chapter 48

After the awkward meal, in which Henrik watched Roxanna and John easily converse, leaving him out of most of the conversation, though John did try to pull him in at random times, he was more than ready to go home. He had tried to make the effort, but the more Roxanna froze him out, the less inclined he felt to add any thoughts to the discussion. Finally, they settled the bill, John surprisingly paying for them before he got up and kissed Roxanna's cheek, giving him a small nod before he left them alone.

"Roxy…"

"Not here, Henrik." She gave him a long look before pushing against his upper arm, urging him from the booth. "I still need to purchase groceries for tonight's meal, even though I'll only be able to taste ashes in my mouth."

Her words were barbed and sharp, and he wondered what he could possibly do to soothe her feelings, even if he didn't understand why she was so upset with him. "Roxanna!"

"What? What do you want me to say, Henrik? I need to process this new information, and not react out of anger. I love you too much, even if I am furious with you right now." Her hand absently touched her torso, and he gave her a confused look. "I am currently sick to my stomach over what you said to me about Maja. And I don't understand why you don't get that. Please, let's just head to the grocer, and pick up what I need, in silence."

He nodded a little, surprised when Roxanna reached for his hand, threading their fingers together. Even in her anger, it seemed that she still wanted to be in close contact with him, and he allowed her to guide them from the restaurant and out onto the pavement. Henrik abided by her declaration, keeping silent as they entered the store, though he did take charge of the buggy so that she could easily fill it without having it get in her way.

It was surprising how easy it was for him to shut down, once they weren't speaking, and as she started to put out feelers to him, trying to gauge how he was feeling, he began to answer less and less. "Henrik, would you rather have parsnips or potatoes this evening?" she asked tremulously, and he took a good look at her face, seeing that she was close to tears.

"Whichever you think would go best with the meal you have in mind," he said, hating that he sounded so cold, but not knowing a way to reel his temper in. Roxanna winced a little as she nodded, reaching out for the parsnips and placing it in the buggy. He couldn't quite control the slight curl of his lip, listening to her sigh deeply as she replaced the parsnips with the potatoes, her lower lip trembling even more.

The rest of the shopping trip went that way, until they weren't speaking once more, and he felt the rift between them keenly as he paid for the food. Roxanna took hold of the bags and began to stalk out of the shop, heading towards home at a fast clip. "Roxanna…"

"I swear to God above, Henrik, if you say one more word to me right now, I will start crying on the street, and I do not want that. Just, no, not until we're home."

He nodded a little as he caught up with her, reaching out for her hand in an effort to stay connected with her. Roxanna pulled away from him, transferring one of the bags into her free hand in a clear rebuff of his affectionate outreach. He frowned a little as he pulled in on himself, fairly trudging on next to her as a jagged silence fell between them. He unlocked the door and let them inside, watching as she disappeared into the kitchen immediately.

Henrik stepped out of his shoes and picked up his bags, bringing them into the bedroom. On the bed there were fresh sheets, and other touches of Roxanna around the room, that filled him with a longing to just hash everything out. Sitting heavily on the bed, he picked up his suitcase and unzipped it, picking up the clean clothes and bring them over to the closet, smiling a little when he saw that she had neatly divided the space for his clothes and hers. In the short space of two days, she had made the space over to include her, leaving it as though she had always been there.

"I, I can move my things to the other bedroom."

He turned to look at her, seeing that she was crying as she hugged herself tightly. Shaking his head a little, he took a few steps towards her, opening up his arms and hoping that she would fall into them and let him embrace her. Roxanna stiffened a little as she stepped into the embrace, burying her face into his chest as he encircled her with his arms. "I don't want you anywhere else but here," he whispered into her hair as the first sobs began to tear from her throat.

"I don't want to be anywhere else, either, but you're not making me feel very welcome at the moment, honestly. I don't know what to do to make everything right between us. Everything was fine up until I left Sweden, and now there's a wall of ice a mile thick between us, and I don't know whether to climb it or to chisel my way through it. Either option might seriously injure me, and I still might not reach you." Roxanna spread her hands out on his chest, digging her fingertips into his shirt. "I know, you've told me about your issues before, but this was a new side that I have never seen before. You were cruel, to her, and unapologetic about that."

Henrik wanted to say something, to justify his response to Maja, to heal the hurt in Roxanna, but he couldn't find the right words to say, instead staying quiet, pulling in on himself even more as the seconds stretched into minutes. Roxanna's sobs petered out, and she sniffled a little as she pulled away from him, looking up into his face. Her eyes were so read and puffy, her look so heartbroken, and he tried to reach up to stroke her face, only for her to flinch away. "Roxy?"

"I, I need to get out of here for a little bit, to clear my head. I just wish that you felt like you could open up to me about why you treated Maja that way." And before he could say anything else, Roxanna had pulled away from him, running from the bedroom. Moments later, he heard the door to their apartment slam shut, the force of it rattling the picture frame on that wall. Henrik sank heavily to the floor, burying his face in his hands as he started to cry, feeling completely alone. He didn't know how he had allowed everything to spin out of control so quickly, but from the devastated look on Roxanna's face, he wasn't certain that he could make everything right, even if he could find a way to tell her everything that had happened after she had left Sweden. But for the moment, he knew that the only thing he could do was give her the space she had requested and hope that they could talk, really talk, when she returned.


	49. Chapter 49

After he had finished his one-man pity party, Henrik had picked himself up off the floor and went into the kitchen, checking to see if Roxanna had put away the groceries. For the most part, everything was in its proper place, and it only took him a few moments to take care of the rest as he brewed himself a mug of tea. Once that was ready, he went into the living room and slowly sipped at it, perusing the mail that had piled up in his absence. Roxanna had neatly arranged everything on the coffee table, stacking his magazines and journals in one pile, bills in another, and personal correspondence in a third. It was just like her to make things neat and easy for him. Ignoring the bills for the moment, he picked up the few letters that had come in, and he sighed when he saw that one from Maja was on top, sent before they had left the States. Flipping past that, he found a letter from Roxanna's father, addressed to the both of them, and he felt a pang of regret stab his heart as he pulled the letter from the open envelope, reading the words of wisdom there.

"I don't know if you'll ever forgive me for hurting your daughter so," Henrik murmured as he folded the letter and placed it back in the envelope before setting aside the correspondence and picking up the older edition of _The Lancet_. Henrik read for a few hours, trying to ignore the way his stomach growled hungrily as it passed supper time and Roxanna still hadn't returned. Sighing a little, he set aside the finished journal before picking up the next and starting to read those papers.

By that time, his attention was divided, though, and he kept pausing to listen for the door opening. Worrying the corner of his lips between his teeth, he tried to focus time and again, finding it a losing endeavor, until he finally closed the journal and laid it on top of the neat pile before standing and pacing the small space of their flat. Roxanna didn't even have a pager yet that he could bleep her on, to see if she was all right, and a few tears of anxiety began to streak down his face as he imagined the worst things that could happen to her. She was vulnerable, after all, and he didn't want anyone taking advantage of that.

Around nine, he wondered if she had gone to John and would return in the morning. That made sense, and he felt a little of his worry ebb as he went to the bathroom and got into the shower, trying to push the niggling doubts he had about his supposition to the back of his brain. After all, if she was with John, he would keep her safe, Henrik was certain of that. No matter what bad blood had arisen between them, he would never harm either of them if they came to him for sanctuary.

Stepping out of the shower, he quickly dried off and pulled on his pyjamas, stretching out on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. There was something so cold and empty about being in a bed without a loved one next to him, when that had been his expectation. And so, he continued to stare and wonder, his brain working overtime to try and convince himself that Roxanna was perfectly all right. Though he was exhausted, he couldn't drift off to sleep, and after five hours of arguing with his heart, Henrik sat up and took a deep breath, feeling like he needed to go out and look for Roxanna.

Not even bothering to pull on clothes, Henrik stepped into his loafers before pulling a jumper on and grabbing his keys from the hook. As he shoved the keys into his pocket, Henrik began to wonder where he would even begin to look for Roxanna. He walked down the hall of their building, his mind prodded him to head to the closest park, knowing that she had an affinity for green spaces, even if they were a bit dangerous at night. He had almost walked out the door when he heard a familiar sniffle.

Pausing, Henrik looked around the lobby, at first finding it empty. But he knew that she was there, somewhere, and so he stepped away from the door and took another look around, finally seeing the familiar blonde hair above the arm of the sofa that was near the corner. Frowning a little, he slowly made his way over to her side, crouching down in front of her as he reached out to rest his hand on her shoulder, not wanting to startle her.

It took a few moments, but finally, Roxanna looked up at him, her eyelashes spiky. "Darling," he murmured as her lower lip continued to wobble. Knowing they wouldn't be moving for a little while, he sank down onto the floor, trying not to shiver from the cold of the marble that seeped through his thin pyjama pants. Once he was fully seated, Roxanna scooted closer to his side, her head coming to rest on his chest as she continued to cry piteously. "Have you been here this whole time?"

"I thought you would come for me sooner. I assumed that you would know I longed for you to follow after me in some grand gesture of romanticism. I was stupid."

"It's never stupid to want that, Roxy," he murmured as he closed an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his lap so that she would be a little more comfortable. She seemed to welcome the embrace, as she turned in his lap to straddle him, her face coming to rest in the crook of his neck. Slowly, he stroked her back and murmured lowly in her ear that he was there now, and that he would hold her for as long as she needed.

"I don't feel so good, Henrik."

"I can only imagine. It's after three in the morning. Do you want to come back home with me? Only if you want to. I can always call John, if you'd rather spend the night in his hotel room?"

His voice broke at the end of his words, and Roxanna held him even tighter, shaking her head a little before pressing her lips against his neck. "I don't want to be away from you. I love you."

"I love you, too, darling," he murmured before kissing her softly. A softer quiet fell between them, and he relished the gentleness between them in that moment. There might be the opportunity to talk and heal from the ugliness that had developed between them so quickly. "Just let me know when you're ready to head back to our apartment, please. I don't want you coming down with something before we start work on Monday."

"All right," she whispered, nuzzling her nose into the hollow of his collarbone. She was positively freezing, and he shivered a little as he bundled her closer to him, trying to let some of his body warmth bleed into her. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

"I will always worry about you, my love. Because, well, you are my heart."

"Oh, Henrik," she said, a fresh sob tearing from her lips before she pulled away from him, looking into his eyes. "Take me home now?"

"Yes," he replied, gently pushing her from his lap so that he could help her to her feet, wrapping his arm around her waist as he led her over to their door, wanting nothing more than to slip into bed with her and hold her close as he tried to explain just why he had been so cruel to Maja.


	50. Chapter 50

They were quiet as they completed the short walk to their apartment, and he fished his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door, guiding them inside. "Would you like me to make some tea?" he asked tenderly as he stepped out of his shoes, watching as Roxanna did the same.

"No, I think I just want to crawl into bed with you, and try to sleep."

He hated how defeated she sounded, and he nodded a little as he held out his hand. She clasped it softly and together, they made their way into the bedroom. Henrik made to let go of her hand, and she squeezed tightly, stopping him. "Roxanna?"

"Stay by me for just a few moments longer." He nodded and paused, looking at her expectantly. She gave him a small smile before dropping his hand and taking hold of the hem of his jumper, pulling it up over his head before dropping it to the floor. "I don't have the energy to pick up clothes tonight. They stay where they fall."

"Yes," he replied quietly as he stood there, allowing her to unbutton his shirt and push it off his shoulders before tugging his pyjama pants down his legs. Henrik stepped out of them as he watched Roxanna reach behind her back, running the zipper of her dress down her back before shrugging the sleeves off her shoulders and allowing it to pool on the floor as she unhooked her bra and slipped it off her chest, and then slipping her panties down her legs to join the pile of clothing.

"Come to bed with me?" she asked, her voice tender and tremulous. He gave her a small nod before drawing in a sharp breath as Roxanna pushed him back onto the mattress. Henrik scooted over to his normal side of the bed, allowing Roxanna to stretch out on the mattress before she turned away from him and scooted backwards. Soon enough, they were spooned so close together that he would have been hard pressed to know where he ended and she began.

It was second nature to close his arm around her waist, his other arm curving around her head in an effort to shelter her in his embrace. "I need to apologise to you first and foremost," he hesitantly began, hating how he sounded. "I know that I hurt you, so much, and whilst I don't know why my words had that effect on you, I want you to know that I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to see you cry like that, my darling girl."

Roxanna nodded as she covered his hand with her own, her thumb rubbing back and forth. "You were so cruel to Maja, to tell her that you would take her son away. That's not like you, Henrik, not really. You have a tender heart, which is why I was so disturbed by your words, your tone of voice. I didn't realise that words could physically hurt me so deeply until that moment."

He nodded against her head as he thought of what to say next. "Maja treated you horribly, she drove you away from one of the few opportunities to be with Fredrik, and that wasn't right. I have an inkling that my father may have tried to use her to split us up so that I would stay in Sweden, take over the family business, but there's no way on God's green earth that I would ever do that. Not after everything they've done there."

He paused a moment, and Roxanna's thumb stilled before she squeezed his hand in sympathy. "I didn't know that."

"I didn't tell you that. I wanted to lead with the thing that I knew would bring me the most perverse pleasure, because I knew, on some level, that I wanted to lash out at John and you. I was so jealous of the sight of you two, thick as thieves, without me, that I think I just went for the easiest way to let you know that I could be cruel if pushed and that I had taken care of the issue between Maja and myself." He took a deep breath. "I didn't particularly like being cruel or callous, but I don't think I gave much thought about how those words would affect you, as well. My father would be somewhat proud of me for how I just cut you to the core."

Roxanna turned around in his embrace, and he could see that she was crying once more as she reached up and stroked his cheek. "I don't think that you'll truly become your father, darling. Not if you can have this much empathy and concern after hurting me." She leaned in and kissed him softly.

"I hope that you're right, darling, but I don't want to make promises, because we can't be certain what our futures will hold. But I think that, with you by my side, we can stave off his influence." He paused again, breathing deeply a few times as he continued to stare into her eyes. "I was so angry with Maja, you know. She hurt you, and I love you, so it felt like your wounds were my wounds. And a part of me doesn't want my son raised by her, because I don't know what she'll tell him in our absence. I meant it when I told her that I was going to a lawyer, Roxanna. I need to be able to see my son regularly, to make certain that he has your good influence in his life, because you are sunshine personified, and I don't think that anyone raised in your presence could turn out bad."

"I would have reacted so much differently if you had led with that, Henrik."

"I know that now. I overreacted. And I guess that I have deeper issues with John than I realized. I just feel like he shows up to cause trouble between us, which I find so sad, because we were such good friends. I suppose that I should ask for your forgiveness for my jealousy as well, since that must have hurt you as well."

"A little. But a part of me was flattered by that jealousy. Before everything went to hell. I knew that you were trying to reach out to me, that you had realized your mistake before too much time had passed, but…there were other matters that I had to think of." As he watched, she withdrew into herself once more, and he wondered what had brought about that change in her.

He started to stroke her hair gently, not wanting to push her faster than she was willing to go, but wanting to let her know that he was open to listening to her, to finding out what lay at the heart of her hurt. Roxanna glanced away from him, focusing on his lips as she took a few shallow breaths. "What are those other matters?" he gently asked before starting to rub her back slowly. "Please, help me to understand how I hurt you so that I can avoid making this mistake once more. Because I hate the thought of hurting you, darling."

She nodded a little as she lifted her eyes up to his once more. Beneath the hurt there was a small flicker of joy, and he felt his mouth turn up into a smile at that sight, hoping that that meant everything would be all right between them by the end of the night.


	51. Chapter 51

Roxanna lifted her hand to his hair, burying her fingers in it as she took a few shaky breaths. "So, you know how we haven't been using protection when we've been having sex?" He nodded. "Well, during the last break, one of your sperm fertilized one of my eggs, and…I'm pregnant."

Suddenly, all the confusing pieces began to fall into place. Her weight gain, the way she cried so easily, and the small glow that had started to appear on her face when she was daydreaming. "We're having a baby?" he said lowly as he awkwardly tried to maneuver his hand so that he could feel her stomach. She nodded a little before sitting up and scooting against the headboard, allowing him easier access to her body. His hand slowly spread out on her torso, feeling the gentle rise that spoke of the new life growing there. It was still so slight that the average person wouldn't notice it, but now that he knew what to look for, it was obvious. "Our baby."

"Yeah," she breathed out, letting out a soft laugh when he squirmed around on the mattress until his head rested on her stomach. "I don't think you'll be able to feel anything yet, Henrik. That's not for another twelve to fourteen weeks."

"I know, but I want to listen, my love."

A watery laugh escaped her lips as she shook her head, and he nodded in response, reaching his hand up. Roxanna took hold of it, threading their fingers together as she took another deep breath. "The pregnancy is also why I reacted so strongly. I know that there are so many hormones coursing through my body right now, and that it's making me react differently than I might, normally. But I was so afraid to tell you about the pregnancy."

The smile slipped from his lips as her words sunk into his heart. "Why were you afraid?" he asked lowly, meeting her eyes steadily.

"Because I didn't want you to leave me the way you left Maja, and I didn't want to have to say goodbye to my child."

Henrik felt like someone had sucker punched him as the air left his lungs and the full weight of the damage his words had wrought. "Oh, Roxanna," he breathed out as he turned his head and pressed his lips against her stomach. "What did I do to you?"

"You didn't know what I was going to tell you. I wanted to tell you in Sweden, but then Maja was so cold to me, and it never seemed the right time to say anything." She rubbed her lips together a few times before letting go of his hand and patting the space next to her. He nodded before adjusting his position once more, resting against the headboard as Roxanna scooted over and let her head thump down against his chest. "I didn't realise how fragile I was about this until I heard you today. Even though I know it wasn't you, that fear just burrowed deeply into my mind, overcoming my rational, logical, side, and making me want to run as far away as I could. I knew I couldn't do that to you, but I wanted to. Everything in me was so focused on protecting the baby at all costs."

He felt her tears splash down on his chest, and he let his fingers dance up and down her back, trying to think of the right words to say. There wasn't anything that he really could say that would remove that fear from her brain, and he felt a piece of his heart crack as he dropped a kiss to the top of her head. "That just goes to show how excellent a mother you'll be, Roxanna. I, I just wish that we hadn't found that out because of my stupidity."

Roxanna sighed a little as she dragged her fingers up and down his back. "We can't change the past, all we can do is make changes for the future. I just have to ask you something, because that fear is now in my heart. Please, if there ever comes a time when we fall out of love, don't take our baby away?"

His first instinct was to protest, to tell her that he could never do that to her, but he knew that Roxanna wouldn't believe that assertion, not after the little display he had given at lunch. Instead, he pulled back from her a little, still holding onto her as he focused his gaze on her. Her eyes still held a deep sadness, and he nodded as he tried to get his words in order. "I will try to prove to you that my love for you is never ending, that I would do anything in my power to not hurt you again in the way I just did. However, I'm only human, and I know that I'll make mistakes, that I'll do something that will cut you to the quick, and then I'll have to apologise once more. But I want you to know that I love you, with all of my broken heart and broken brain. And I will love our little baby just as much. I will never leave you, my darling, not now, not ever. I promise."

"We shouldn't make promises that we can't keep, Henrik. But I understand your intent, and I love you, too. With every bit of my broken heart."

Henrik nodded solemnly as he sat up and reclined against the headboard next to her, welcoming her head on his shoulder as he slung his arm around their waists, his thumb tapping against her body in a light tempo as a delicate silence fell between them. Finally, though, he drew in a soft, deep, breath, knowing that they had to broach the next topic, and that it might hurt Roxanna more in the process. "When would you prefer to get married, now? I know it's going to be our special day, but with the pregnancy, you might not be able to get the dress that you want. And I don't want us to hurtle headlong into a ceremony where we feel rushed. After everything I did to hurt you, I just want this to absolutely perfect for you."

"Well, I really want to get married in the church that I grew up in. I've always dreamed of Dad walking me down the aisle, you know. Well, no, you wouldn't, but now you do. And I want an autumn wedding, late September or early October. Since it's May now, that would only leave us around five months to get everything planned. So, I think that we should wait until next year to officially marry. If that's not too long for you to wait."

"You've given me one of the greatest gifts in the world, and I love you all the more for that. I think that I might wait forever for you to be ready. Though I think in a year's time, we can have a proper holiday, as well."

"I'd rather save that money for a house, actually. Since we're going to have two children sooner rather than later, we're going to need the extra space." She glanced up at him, giving him a nervous look. "Unless you had your heart set on a honeymoon? I can be flexible, if that's what you want."

"Well, since we're close to the Scottish border, we could just spend a week up there, in the Borders, where we have the time for ourselves as a family?"

Roxanna relaxed a little as she nodded. "Yes, that sounds perfect," she finally breathed out before leaning over and kissing him once more. "Now, how about we seal this promise to ourselves?" He gave her a little grin as he kissed her once more, knowing that they had so much to look forward to.


	52. Chapter 52

Henrik rubbed his neck wearily as he entered the apartment building after a shift that had run much too late. He and Graham had had a surgery that had not gone well, and while it had been a great learning experience, it had taken so long to get through that they were both late in leaving for home. He knew that Roxanna had had a special dinner planned for them, and he had tried to get a message to her before she had left for the day, but he had no idea if it had gotten to her or not.

Trudging over to their door, he pulled his keys out of his pocket and unlocked their door. As he entered the apartment, he felt as if something was wrong. There were no lights on, and there wasn't even a hint of dinner in the air. "Roxanna?" he called out, stepping out of his shoes as he shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it up as he listened for her voice. "Darling? Where are you?"

He heard a muffled sob come from the direction of the living room, and he set his satchel on the ground near his shoes before padding into the other room, feeling a deep concern for Roxanna well up in his chest as he peeked his head in the room, looking around for his fiancée. Finally, his eye caught sight of her, curled up in the corner of the sofa, crying disconsolately. He knew, just by looking at her posture, that something was seriously wrong, and fear clutched his heart as he came around to the sofa and took a seat.

Roxanna leaned over wordlessly, letting her head thump down on his chest as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Once she was comfortable against him, she reached up and took hold of his hand, bringing it down to her stomach. "I'm sorry," she managed to choke out before starting to sob once more. Henrik took a few deep breaths as what she was telling him without words sunk into his heart. "I failed us."

"No, darling, you didn't," he murmured before dropping a soft kiss to the top of her head. "I could tell you the statistics, tell you that we can try again, but that won't heal your heart." She shook her head. "Have…?"

"I have. I went to the hospital, since I don't have a GP here yet, and Graham found me the best person to help with that. I feel so empty."

Those were the words that broke him, and he started to cry as he let his thumb rub back and forth over Roxanna's stomach, trying to process the intense grief that he was feeling. "Hollow," he finally murmured, feeling Roxanna nod against his chest. "I didn't think it was possible to feel this hollow, and yet…"

"You lost the promise of life." Her voice cracked a little, and she pulled away from him to curl up tight once more. "I want to sleep for a million years, Henrik."

"Please, don't say that. Don't think about leaving me," he whispered as he leaned over and kissed the side of her head softly. "I'm going to make us a pot of tea. Is there anything else that you want? A sandwich? Fruit? Biscuits?"

"I don't think I could eat anything right now. I ordered takeaway, once I was home, but I only managed three bites before a lost my stomach in the sink. I tried to clean up as best I could, but there's this bone deep weariness in me that seemed to preclude my ability to properly clean."

"Don't worry about it, my darling girl," he murmured before pressing another kiss to the side of her head. "I'll take care of the mess while the water boils. Okay?"

"Okay."

Her voice was so tiny, so lost, that he had a hard time not bundling her up close and just forgetting the rest of the world existed. As Henrik rose from the sofa, he started to understand what Graham had been stymied in saying to him, when he had hustled out of the locker room to head home. He appreciated the fact that their mentor had tried to prepare him for the news he had just received, but he now wished he had not brushed him off quite so quickly in order to hurry home. Shaking his head a little, he trudged into the kitchen, making his way over to the sink and filling the kettle before setting it on the stove and turning the range on. As the water started to boil, he took a good look at the sink, and smiled sadly. There wasn't all that much mess, despite what Roxanna had said, so it didn't take him that long to clean up the little that remained.

He knew he should be hungry, but the moment he thought of food, his stomach started to roil, so he decided to stick with tea. Rummaging through the cupboards, he grabbed their favourite mugs before getting out Roxanna's comfort tea and measuring out the right amount of leaves into the tea balls before setting them in the mugs as the water continued to warm up. Finally, the whistle started to blow, and he quickly removed the kettle from the burner, flipping it off before filling their mugs to the top. Then he made his way back to Roxanna, finding her curled up in the corner of the sofa once more, quiet sobs shaking her shoulders.

Carefully, he set the mugs onto the coffee table and took a seat next to her. The moment he was seated, Roxanna collapsed onto him once more, curving her arm around his waist as she tried to bury her face into his chest. "What is it, darling?" he asked lowly, feeling his own eyes fill up with tears once more as he cuddled her close to him, welcoming her into his space.

"I don't want to lose you, too?"

"Oh, Roxanna, no." He ran his hand up and down her back, trying to comfort her as best he could. Finally, she nodded and pulled away from him a little so that she could grab her mug, wrapping her hands around it as she snuggled back in to him, her body still shaking, though her tears seemed to have stopped for the moment. "I know that I don't talk very much about my feelings, and I've been trying to get better at that these last few weeks that we've been home from Sweden. So, I really hope this comes out right. First, I love you, and I will always love you. Our baby would have been born into a home of love, and there will always be a hole where they should be in our lives together. I will grieve this loss for so long, and I want to help you in any way that I can. We will lean on each other as we navigate our way through this, all right?"

"All right. Do, do you think we could head to our bedroom? I really want to curl up a little more comfortably." He nodded before pressing his lips against the crown of her head, helping her to her feet before grabbing his tea and guiding her into their bedroom. He wasn't surprised to see that she just collapsed onto the mattress, propping herself up against the headboard as she sipped at her tea, staring at him. Stretching out on his side of the bed, he took a drink of his tea before setting it on his nightstand and bringing his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on them. A tiny smile flickered across his lips when Roxanna leaned over against him, letting out a deep sigh. "Will you forgive me if we don't make love for six weeks? The doctor who saw me said that I have to have time to heal, but I wouldn't deny you if you really wanted to have sex…"

"Hush, my love, there's more to loving you than sex. Okay?" She nodded as she tugged on his tie, quickly undoing it before making quick work of the buttons on his shirt and slipping her hand inside to splay out on his chest. "And we will take things at your pace, when you're ready."

"Thank you," she whispered as her head came to rest on his chest, a fragile, broken, silence falling over them, drawing them together as her breathing evened out into an unsteady hitch of sleep. And once he knew that she was out, he kissed her head tenderly, allowing himself to quietly weep for the potential life that would no longer be theirs.


	53. Chapter 53

"So, I've been looking at different ways to create a meaningful wedding. I know, we're still sixteen months away from the ceremony, but it's never too early to start planning, right?"

Henrik looked up at Roxanna, who had come down to his ward for lunch, and gave her a small nod, indicating for her to take a seat at the table before pushing over her lunch bag. "You have a point there, Roxy. What were you thinking about doing?"

"Well, it will be October when we marry, and I really don't want to throw rice or bird seed, do you?" He shook his head. "Good. I was thinking that we could just have our reception in the church hall, then, so that we don't even have to consider that option. And we're still planning for a honeymoon in the Scottish Borders, yes?"

"Well…"

"I mean, I am planning on Freddy being here with us for the wedding, at least, and it would be nice to get away to somewhere close to home, just in case something happens?"

"I have to talk to Maja about the wedding yet, so don't get your heart set on Fredrik being with us for the honeymoon. You know how capricious she is."

Roxanna nodded a little, and he saw the flicker of sadness that passed over her face before she had that placid mask she was wearing far too much these days back in place. "All right. Oh, and I picked up another shift tonight, so I won't be home until sometime tomorrow evening. I'm sorry, but we need the money to put away for our home and wedding. Things cost so much more than I expected."

He nodded a little as he reached across the table for her hand, catching it before she could pull it away. Her smile froze as he threaded their fingers together, and he sighed as quietly as he could, letting his thumb rub against the back of her hand as he continued to look into her eyes. "Roxy…"

"Please, don't. Not here. I can't have them knowing that I'm so weak."

"You're not weak, darling. We're grieving. You know that anyone would tell you we can't put a timeline on grief, and that we can't expect things to just get back to normal. I know, I'm usually the one who has to let you in, but this time, please. Let me in."

As he continued to watch her face, her lower lip started to tremble, and she wrapped her free arm around her stomach as she seemed to fold in on herself, shrugging a little. He took this opening for all that it was worth, getting up from the table and coming over to her side, kneeling down next to her, looking up into her eyes, seeing the exact moment tears took over. Gently, he tugged her down against him, and they collapsed onto the floor as she curled into him, starting to quietly cry.

"I miss being pregnant, Henrik. I was just getting accustomed to the way my body was changing, and now it's going back to how it was, and I feel like I'll never be a mother. That the only child I'll ever hold in my arms is Freddie. Have, have you reached out to our solicitor and seen where our petition for shared custody is? He needs to be here."

"Our solicitor informed me that our petition will be taken more seriously once we've married." She stiffened in his arms, and he cut her off before she could say what he knew she was thinking. "We are not moving up the wedding for that reason. We need time to heal and plan, and adding a legal battle on top of what we're currently experiencing will not help our recovery."

"I know, I think. I just, there are so many things that I want, and they all seem to be slipping from my fingers like grains of sand. What if I lose you, too?"

That small, broken, voice told Henrik just how much she was floundering, and he cradled her closer to his chest as he bent his head to kiss the crown of her head. "You will not lose me, Roxanna. Every time we're separated, I will come back to you. Because you are my home, and I don't want to be apart from you for longer than I have to be. I will fight my way to you every time. I love you."

"I love you, too," she breathed out as she pushed away from him and got to her feet, helping him to stand as well before wrapping her arms around him in a warm embrace. "You are mine, forever and always."

"Precisely," he replied as the door to the breakroom opened, revealing Graham. He gave them an understanding look before backing out of the room, and Henrik carefully disentangled himself from Roxanna's embrace, not feeling comfortable with the very public display of affection. "Now, we should eat before we have to get back to our work. You have to take care of yourself, if we want to have another baby."

"Yes," she murmured as she sat down. Henrik stroked her arm tenderly before going over to the coffee pot and pouring them both a mug. By the time he had returned to the table, Roxanna had both their meals set out on the table, and he smiled as he took a seat across from her before pushing over a mug. "You guys make the worst coffee."

"I'm sorry that we don't have to budget for an amazing coffee maker like you do on your ward. Next time, bring coffee down with you," he teased, watching her smile a little as she tucked into her sandwich. "How is your training going?"

"It's better now that I'm able to focus a little more. There's another F1 up there with me, his name is Guy Self. He's arrogant, so arrogant, but he's really good. I think that I can learn a lot from watching him, if things go right. And he likes me."

"Oh?" Henrik asked, feeling a little flame of jealousy lick at his heart.

Roxanna chuckled as she took a bite of her sandwich. "He's already married, so you don't have to worry about competition. I'm just glad that he likes me, since it makes working on my ward that much easier." She fiddled with her sandwich box before looking up at him. "It's very much a boy's club up there, but Guy has really helped me find my way. It's nice to have someone on my side, even if he can be a bit of a jackass."

It was his turn to chuckle as he shrugged a little. "He sounds like John, to me."

"A little. Perhaps that's why I like him so much. He reminds me of the person that John could have been. I was thinking, and I know that it's probably crazy, but could we invite John to our wedding? I want to try and bury the hatchet between us all, because it still bothers me that we're so fractured, when we were so close, once."

"You can invite him, of course, but I don't know if he'll come. I haven't exactly apologized for my behavior, and I wouldn't blame him for staying away. Besides, he's probably busy at his own hospital, and I don't want to get our hopes up for something happening, you know?" She nodded and reached across the table, squeezing his hand softly before picking up her sandwich once more and devouring it.

"I do. And now I have to get back up to my ward. I really am sorry I won't be home until tomorrow evening, but such is the life of an F1, yes?"

"Yes. Though perhaps we could spend a little time in the on call room?" She giggled, and he realized just how off colour his words sounded. "No, no, not like that. You're going to have to take a break and sleep for an hour or two. We could nap together, at least."

"You just can't sleep without me," she said quietly, and he nodded. "This is why I love you so much, Henrik. And yes, you can come sleep with me for a few hours. It's kind of hard to sleep without you, too." Roxanna pushed away from the table and came over to his side, dropping a soft kiss to his cheek. "Be back here around nine, and we nap sleep a little then." He nodded and turned in his seat to watch her leave, knowing that everything wasn't right, but that as long as they stayed together, he knew they could navigate whatever life threw their way.


	54. Chapter 54

"Henrik? I need you to head up to neurology."

He looked over at Graham, seeing how worried he looked, and swallowed thickly. "Is something wrong with Roxanna?" he asked as he pushed away from the nurses' station, getting to his feet and tugging on the bottom of his scrub top before buttoning his cardigan. "Graham?"

"She's, no one can calm her down. I don't have all the details from Stephen, but Doctor Self has managed to get her into Stephen's office and is talking to her, but it doesn't seem to be working all that well."

Henrik nodded as he made his way over to the lifts. "I knew that something like this would happen eventually. We haven't really talked about losing the baby, every time I bring it up, she changes the subject. My therapist says that this is normal for some women, but I just don't know what to do for her. I, I might be gone for an hour?"

"That's fine." He gave Graham a tight smile as he stepped into the lift and pressed the button for the floor he was needed on. The ride up found him trying desperately not to pace, so he straightened his back and stared straight ahead, not interacting with the others on the lift. Roxanna would have laughed at his uptight stance, and he quirked an eyebrow at the thought. Finally, the lift stopped at the correct floor, and he stepped off, giving a tight nod to Roxanna's mentor as he gestured towards the closed office.

Taking a deep breath, Henrik tried to settle his own writhing emotions before he entered, not wanting to add to Roxanna's burden. Finally, knowing that he couldn't prepare himself any further, he let out a long breath as he opened the door, letting himself inside. Roxanna was seated behind the desk, her head buried in her arms as sobs wracked her body, and he felt his heart crack a little wider at the sight, love for her pouring out of the wound as he closed the door and made his way over to her, crouching at her side before reaching out and stroking her hair.

"I didn't want them to call you," she whispered, the sound muffled by her arms.

"They know that you need me right now. Graham, he's just as concerned about you as I am. Darling, if you're not ready to work…"

She lifted her head and met his eye, shaking her head a little. "I need to be here. Just like I need to keep planning our wedding. It's the forward momentum that is helping me so, I just…I couldn't sleep last night, all I could think of was our baby, and I tried to push away the exhaustion and work through it, but Guy mentioned something about he and his wife starting to try for a baby, and I just lost it. It came upon my so suddenly and I couldn't breathe. Henrik…"

He nodded a little before standing enough so that he could take a seat on the desk. Once he was there, Roxanna stood and stepped between his legs, wrapping her arms around his waist before tucking her chin over his shoulder as she struggled to calm her breathing. Finally, he had a way to help her, and he took deep, deliberate, breaths, smiling a little when her breathing began to sync up with his. Once they were both calm, he tenderly pushed her away so that he could look into her eyes. They were puffy and red shot, and he gave her a sad smile as he reached up and brushed away the excess tears that still remained. "I know that each day will difficult, Roxanna, but I also know that we can do so much more together. On the nights you find that you can't sleep, wake me and we'll talk. Or you'll talk, and I'll listen. Whatever you need. Because…I love you."

She nodded a little, a smile fluttering across her lips as stepped closer to him once more. "I love you, too. And I cannot wait to be married to you. I, I have a question that you might not like."

"What is it?"

"Would you mind terribly if I went on birth control until after the wedding? I don't want to lose our physicality, but I need something happy to look forward to, and if I'm worrying about other things, I might tinge the memories I'm making with even more sadness. I know, we both want children, and we want Freddy to be with us, and…it's just so much."

Henrik dragged his fingers softly through her hair, looking into her eyes before giving her a small nod. "That would be fine, _min k_ _ä_ _rlek_. I can wait for another baby to hold, as long as I have you in my arms until then." A part of him was disappointed that there would be a wait, but that was small in the scheme of things. "And perhaps I could contact Maja and have her bring Freddy for a visit. While my lawyer is still ironing out the details, if I put enough polite pressure on her, I think that we could have him home. Even if it's only for a week or two."

A flicker of hope lit up her expression, and she nodded softly. "As long as you promise me that you are kind in your dealings with her. I know that she's been trying to split us up. I've seen the letters from her that you throw in the trash, even if I don't read them, I can only imagine what she is writing."

"It's not all bad," he said, willing to give Maja that much. "Though I mostly skim the letters for news on Freddy. She does detest the nickname Freddy, just so you know. But he needs a name of his own when he's with us, so don't stop." She let out a light chuckle at that, nodding before letting her head come to rest on his chest. "And I have been busy myself."

"Doing what?" she murmured as she tangled her hand into the fabric of his scrubs, tugging on it gently.

"Looking for a larger place for us to rent. I know that we might not settle down here, but I think that it might be nice to have a little more room to spread out and grow in. We could have a library room, which would be easy enough to convert into a nursery when we're ready to start trying again, and…"

"You've found the perfect place already, haven't you?"

He chuckled sheepishly. "I may have, yes, with Graham's help. He noticed me looking through a real estate magazine last week, and asked what we were in the market for. When I told him the barebones of what we've talked about wanting, he told me that he knew of the perfect place. We can take a look at it this weekend, since we both have Sunday off, if you want."

"That actually sounds amazing, Henrik. I love the way that you tangibly want to take care of me. We can head there after lunch? I'll make certain to attend the early service, so we won't be running too terribly late." The small touch of hope in her voice told him that he had made the right decision, and he smiled a little before kissing her forehead lightly. "I suppose that I should let you get back to work. I'm so sorry that I interrupted your learning."

"It's okay, Roxanna, everyone understands. And it was a slow day on my ward, so you didn't interrupt much. I'll see you tonight when you get home."

"All right," she murmured before kissing his cheek and stepping away from him. "You know, Guy will never let me live this down."

"Then I'll just have to deal with him. Don't let him push you around, you are much stronger than he is probably giving you credit for."

"I'll try to keep that in mind, Henrik." She patted his shoulder a little before making her way over to the door, smiling once more at him before stepping back out onto her ward and getting back to work. Henrik let out a deep breath of relief as he stood up and followed her out, heading towards the lifts without giving her a backwards glance, knowing that if he did, he probably wouldn't want to leave her and get back to work. And he had too much to do that afternoon to allow for that.


	55. Chapter 55

"This is the perfect place, Henrik!"

He smiled as he nodded, looking around the apartment. It was larger than their current place, and a five minute walk from a beautiful park. He knew that particular fact was a major selling point for Roxanna, since she loved being outside in nature. "Graham really does know what we like. I was surprised that it was so affordable."

"I thought…you already rented it, didn't you?"

He nodded a little, feeling a small stab of guilt in his heart before Roxanna's face lit up in pleasure. "I was just that certain that this was the place for us. Our next step up in life before we're ready for a house."

A grin spread across her body, lighting her up from the inside. It had been so long since he had seen this level of joy from her that he knew he had made the correct decision, and he welcomed the tight hug she gave him before she kissed him deeply. "I love you, Henrik Hanssen."

"I love you, too." He gave her another kiss before leading her deeper into their new home. "I was thinking that we could start moving our things over slowly, since we still have two months left on our current lease. I know, we're taking a bit of a hit financially with that, but I didn't want to let this apartment slip through our fingers. I don't like being this risky," he said, giving her a small shrug.

"Well, we'll just have to budget a little more carefully for the next eight weeks, then. And I can always ask Dad to float us a few quid if we need to get food. Show me the study."

He nodded as he took hold of her hand, guiding her down the hall. "Our bedroom and the bathroom are on the left-hand side here, while the two other rooms are on the right," he said. "I thought that we could have the study right across from our room, since we would be less likely to disturb Freddy."

"That's sensible," she replied as she tightened her hold on his hand. He smiled a little wider as he brought her into the study, hoping that she saw the same potential in it that he did. "You know, when we have our own baby, this will be perfect, after they've outgrown their Moses basket. Close enough to easily answer their cries, yet far enough away that they can learn their independence. I, I had a dream about our baby, the one I lost."

"Oh?" he asked as he led her over to the window, letting the sunlight illuminate her face a little. She nodded, pursing her lips before she swallowed. "Would you care to share?"

"He looked like you and Freddy. I know, I wasn't far enough along for us to know the gender, but it feels right to call him a him. And we were older, by a few years, and we were so happy. I almost didn't want to wake up from that dream, except I knew it wasn't true. But for those few brief dream moments, we were a family of four, and everything was perfect."

Henrik nodded as he caressed her face. "I've had dreams like that, too, darling. Only in mine, our baby never had a gender, they were just here, in our arms, and we were so happy. I, I also had a hard time waking up from that dream. But I think that that desire was a little different than yours?"

She tilted her head a little as she nodded, closing the small distance between them as she wrapped her arms around his waist and embracing him tightly. "I'm so glad that you decided to stay with me. I don't know what I would do right now without you in my life. We're a couple, but there are times when I feel like we've somehow become two halves who are only whole when we're together. Which I realise sounds so clingy and pathetic, but…"

"But then I remember that Socrates stated the origin of love to be when the gods separated us because we were too powerful, and we had to search for the rest of our lives for our missing half. Perhaps that is what you feel? Because there are times when I feel the same way about you, like if you could see our souls, as you call them, they would be like puzzle pieces that fit together seamlessly."

"You can be so romantic at times, Henrik," she whispered, and he gave her a small shrug as her thumb started to run back and forth along his cheekbone. "I wish this could be our always mode. But life gets in the way, and makes us feel like we're inadequate and not worthy of that love, that belonging." She tried to smile brightly, but he could tell that her expression wasn't all that genuine. "So, show me the rest of the flat."

"Of course," he replied before leaning in and kissing her forehead, listening to her sigh a little with pleasure as he took hold of her hand once more, leading her across the hall and into their bedroom. "I thought that we could put our bed in the corner of the room, so that you can open the window anytime you like and let fresh air in. But if you want it in the middle of the room, that's okay, too."

"No, I think that's the perfect idea, darling." She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before stepping away from him and exploring the room. "All right, the closet is quite large, so we won't have to worry about where my clothes will go."

It was good to hear her teasing him, and he shrugged a little. "Perhaps we could consider making a large donation to the charity shops, too. I'm certain that I have accumulated a few too many things over the months I've been here, and there are still some things of yours in boxes, so…"

"Henrik Hanssen, some of those things are waiting for when we have a house!" He chuckled and she came over to his side and smacked his arm lightly. "Your teasing is different than my teasing. You have such a poker face, I swear."

"It's what makes me a good doctor, or so Graham says. I can project the aura of calm control and say that everything is going to be fine, and my patients believe me. Maybe, after we've been together for a decade or two, you'll be able to read me like a book."

"Perhaps," she murmured as she wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him closer to her. "But I am known to be a quick study, so maybe it won't take that long."

"Here's hoping, my love." He combed his fingers through her hair before closing his arms around her waist and rocking them back and forth. "And did you want to put your record player in here or in the living room?"

"In here would be nice. That way we can listen to music while we make love."

"I like the way you think."

She pulled away from him a little so that she could look into his eyes. "And I like the way you think. So, I know our bed will have to be one of the last things we move, but I can bring all our off-season clothes over tomorrow before heading to the hospital for my shift. Like you said, if we do things little by little, it won't seem so overwhelming, for either of us."

Henrik nodded, loving her all the more in that moment, since she had taken his feelings into consideration when she mentioned that. The disruption to his routine would be less if they did take things slow, allowing him to grow accustomed to the newness of this place while they developed a stronger relationship together.


	56. Chapter 56

Henrik had been concerned when Roxanna had bleeped him on his pager, asking him to call her on his break. While he had wanted to drop everything and call her in that moment, he knew that Graham wouldn't be too happy with him shirking his duties. So he soldiered on through his rounds, listening to his patients before going into theatre with Graham and assisting with a surgery. He had been pleasantly surprised when his mentor had allowed him to take the lead and complete the procedure before finishing up and bringing the patient to recovery.

So it was with that euphoria still coursing through his veins that he slipped into Graham's office and called home. He had been grateful that Graham had allowed him this liberty, since most F2s had to use the public payphones. Sitting behind the desk, he waited for Roxanna to pick up, wondering what her news could be. They were still a year out from the wedding, so that most likely wasn't her concern. Unless they had lost the venue she had wanted. Frowning a little, he tried to stop himself from travelling down different rabbit trails of worries, knowing that such spirals would do him no good.

Finally, she picked up the phone, and from the first breath she took, he knew that she had received bad news earlier. "I'm sorry for not calling sooner, Roxanna, but I had to finish rounds and then I was allowed to lead on a surgery. It was a simple one, but still, I was allowed to take the lead. I'm progressing in my career at last."

"That, that's wonderful, darling. Thank you for trying to give me some good news today. I really needed that. I, I've had to ask my mentor for some leave."

"What happened?"

Graham came in the office, giving him a concerned look as he took a seat at the desk across from Henrik. He shrugged a little before turning his focus back on Roxanna. "Dad, he had a heart attack last night. Or, at least that's what the hospital seems to think happened. When he didn't show up for work today, they sent the police around to check on him, and found him in bed. He, he's dead, Henrik. My father is dead."

He wiped his face with his hand, wishing that he could be with her in that moment, knowing that he still had four hours left in his shift. "I want to come with you."

"No, darling, you can't. Graham, well, he's been so understanding of my sorrow so far, but we're not married yet, so Dad wouldn't be considered immediate family. Of course, you can request time for the funeral itself, but I can't ask you to put your job in jeopardy for me. Oh, god, there's going to be so much to do, and I don't really know where to begin. I'm starting to make lists, I've picked that much up from you, but it all just seems to be scribbles and scratches."

"All right, darling, I only have four hours left on my shift, and then I'll be home. Please leave all that aside until after I arrive home, and then I can help you with it. Put your focus on something tangible, like making supper, or reading the _Lancet_ , anything that will relieve your mind for just a few hours. I love you."

"And I love you. I just, I haven't felt this adrift since Mum died, and I just…I am looking forward to having you here, so you can wrap me in your arms and shut out the world. But I should let you eat before you go back."

"All right, if you're certain. I can spend the next twenty minutes talking to you, as well, and still have enough time to eat the sandwich you prepared for me this morning."

She let out a watery laugh, letting him know that she was crying, which broke his heart a little wider. "I can only imagine the face Graham is giving you right now, Henrik. No, let me go, eat, and come home to me at the end of your shift. I, I might take a nap, actually. My head is starting to hurt from all this crying."

"Just do whatever makes you feel better, and I'll see you soon. Goodbye." Roxanna whispered her own goodbye before hanging up the phone. He replaced the handset on the receiver and then ran his hands over his head as he let out a long breath.

"Is everything all right with Roxanna?" Graham asked after a few moments had passed.

"Her father died this morning. She'll be travelling home to Bristol to arrange the funeral and take care of his estate within the next few days, and I'm supposed to stay here until the funeral. She, she doesn't want me to lose my position here by taking needless time off."

"That's noble of her, but if you feel it necessary to head there with her, you are allowed leave in instances like this, even if you aren't married just yet."

He nodded, grateful for the offer. "I'll have to talk with Roxanna about that tonight when I get home. I don't want to feel like I'm smothering her if she'd rather go it alone."

Graham arched his eyebrow a little before shaking his head. "You and Roxanna are facing the hardest hurdles in a relationship right at the beginning of your life together, with two difficult losses so close together. I know that you want to honor her wishes and give her some space, but that might not be what her heart truly wants. She could be sacrificing her desires for what she thinks is best for you. All relationships are made up of compromising, you just have to know when that compromise comes at too high a cost for your partner. And in this case, I think it is too high a cost for you not to go with her. I take it she's an only child?"

"Yes. We both are."

"That explains a lot, then. All right, finish out your shift today, and then talk it over with Roxanna. You have my unofficial permission to go with her, if that will help her to agree. However, if she declines still, you have my permission to leave early for the funeral and take a few days afterwards to support her, either by working the same shifts or by staying home to deal with loose ends. And there will be a million and one loose ends that you haven't thought of, I can promise you that. When my wife lost her father, so many responsibilities fell on our shoulders, and it took a long time to right our course."

Henrik nodded, feeling like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders by his mentor. "Thank you so much for understanding. I want to say that I hope our lives settle into some semblance of smoothness following this tragedy, but that would most likely be tempting fate, and I don't think that's a smart thing to do right now." Graham chuckled as he nodded, giving Henrik a small smile as he motioned for him to get out of his chair.

"All right, get back to your break, and then you can see about leading another small surgery with me. I think that it shouldn't last too long, and then you can do rounds and leave." Henrik gave him a grave nod before turning on his heel and leaving the office, making a beeline for the staff room so that he could eat before having to head back to work, grateful to have tangible goals to focus his mind on so that he wouldn't overly worry about Roxanna until he was home.


	57. Chapter 57

Henrik adjusted his tie as he looked down at Roxanna. Her all black ensemble seemed so at odds with her personality, and he longed to embrace her, to hide her away from the concerned looks of those gathered to honor Callum MacMillan's life. As if she could feel his eyes on her, Roxanna glanced up and gave him a tight smile before adjusting the veil on her hat so that it more fully covered her eyes. "I think I'm going to faint," she murmured as they began to follow the casket up the aisle of the church.

"Just hold on to me all the tighter," he whispered back. "I'll keep you upright until we're seated." She gave him a small nod before taking a shuffling step closer to him, clinging to his arm as they slowly made their way to the front of the church. It was disconcerting to him, to feel every eye in the sanctuary focused on them, but since they were the only remaining family, they were the only ones moving at the moment. Drawing in a deep breath, he straightened his shoulders all the more, desperate to put on a good front and not break down in front of all gathered. That would be for later, when they were alone in Callum's house, packing away the last of the things they were bringing back to Sunderland.

Finally, they reached the front, and he led Roxanna into the front pew, helping her to sit down, and then she took hold of his hand, threading their fingers together as she rested her head against his upper arm. Henrik made certain to keep his posture as perfect as possible, knowing that all eyes were on them, and desperately wanting to be found enough for Roxanna. These people, while not family, had known his fiancé since she was a child, and he didn't want to be found lacking in any way. The pastor gave them a small nod as he approached the lectern, and Henrik tried not to react as Roxanna gripped his hand even tighter.

The funeral service seemed to pass by so quickly, even though there was music and speaking and a sermon. Henrik found his attention divided between Roxanna and what was going on around him, though he was touched to hear his name mentioned in the eulogy that Callum's best friend gave. And then, the pallbearers were leading the casket from the sanctuary, and he and Roxanna got to their feet once more, following after it. He helped her into her coat before shrugging into his, and then they were led by the pastor out into the churchyard and over to the graveside. Roxanna weaved a bit on her feet as they came to a stop, and Henrik immediately wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her steady as the others gathered around the open grave.

"We are gathered here to commit Callum's body to the ground. But we who have faith know that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of Him. We were born of dust, and to dust we return." The pastor stepped away from the open grave, and Henrik watched as they lowered the casket into the hole, feeling a wave of sadness wash over him as the casket went lower and lower, the first tears rolling down his face as Roxanna turned into him, her shoulders heaving from her sobs.

Once that was completed, the pastor started to say a prayer, and Henrik stared off into the distance as he listened to the man give a blessing to him and Roxanna, asking that God look after them as they moved forward in their life without Callum. The blessing was kind, and he took that to heart, rather than focusing on the fact that he wasn't religious. That was Roxanna's domain, and it suited her. Finally, the prayer came to an end, and then he was being handed a small shovel. Roxanna drew in a sharp breath as they both realized that they hadn't thought about this aspect of the service, and he slowly disentangled himself from her before taking hold of the shovel and picking up a small amount of dirt. The sound of it striking the casket echoed in his soul, and he took a deep breath before placing another small shovelful into the grave.

He gave the shovel to Roxanna and watched her carefully place a few shovels of dirt into the grave before her knees buckled. In an instant, he was at her side, helping her to stand once more. Again, she turned into him, burying her face in his chest as she wept. Henrik led her a few steps from the graveside, and then the people who had gathered outside with them came up and gave their condolences before slowly dispersing. Eventually, they were alone, and Henrik brought a shivering, shaking, Roxanna back into the church, knowing they needed to warm up before they left.

"I feel heartsick," Roxanna chattered out, and he pressed his lips to the crown of her head before nodding. "I don't want to leave him there. He'll be cold, Henrik."

"Darling, your faith tells you that it's just his body in that grave, that his spirit, his soul, is with God. He can no longer feel cold or hot or anything like that." He kissed her once more before rocking them back and forth. "Do you want to get something to eat, or just head right back to the house?"

"I would like to go back to the house, but I know that I should eat something. Other than the coffee this morning, well, I haven't felt like eating. So perhaps we should head to my favourite café before heading back?"

"Whatever you wish, darling," he murmured before kissing her delicately. She sighed against his lips and then they made their way out their car. On the bonnet was a bouquet of calla lilies, deep purple, almost black, in colour, and tied with a cream white bow. "Roxanna?"

"I don't know. Everyone seemed to be fine with our request for no flowers, for that money to instead be used as donations to the British Heart Foundation." She picked up the bouquet, and Henrik watched a small cream envelope fall onto the ground. He bent to pick it up, recognizing the writing on the front in an instant. "Henrik?"

"Did you see John at the service at all?" he asked as he slipped his thumbnail beneath the flap of the envelope, breaking the seal and pulling out a small card. Roxanna shook her head slowly as she hugged the flowers tight to her chest. Henrik gave her a sad smile as he opened the card, reading the words John had scrawled there.

_I didn't want to interrupt your mourning with my presence, but I wanted to let you both know how sorry I am for your loss. I wish that things could be easier between us, because we had been such great friends. Just know that my thoughts are with you, and if you ever need anything, do not hesitate to reach out to me. Yours, John_

The sentiment was kind, but he still wondered what John was hoping to gain by being so nice to him and Roxanna. And he hated that their friendship had devolved into this quagmire of bitter, hurt, feelings. "What did he want, Henrik?"

"Just to wish us well. And that if we need anything, we can reach out to him. Which is kind, but…"

"I don't know if we'll take him up on that. Though it was sweet of him to come to the funeral, even if we didn't see him here." He nodded and handed her the card before giving her a soft kiss, wishing that he could easily take away the grief she was feeling over losing her father so soon after losing the baby.


	58. Chapter 58

Henrik smiled as he saw Roxanna come onto his ward. They had both volunteered to take the overnight shift on New Year's Eve, since that would allow them both to see each other, and gain a little extra money. Though there wasn't a pressing need, since they had used some of the money from the sale of Callum's house to pay off their debt from Rigden, they still wanted to start building a nest egg for when Fredrik joined them.

"I thought I'd come down with ten minutes to spare before the New Year. And I brought sparkling wine for us!" She held out the bottle with a flourish, grinning widely. "I hope that there's a corkscrew in the break room."

"I think that I can dig something up," he replied, holding out his elbow. Roxanna slipped her hand into the crook, walking at his side as they went into the break room. Roxanna set the bottle on the table before rummaging around in the cabinet by the sink, looking for glasses while he methodically scrounged through the cutlery drawer, remembering that he had seen a corkscrew there a while ago. Finally, he was triumphant, and he pulled it out with a flourish, turning around to look at Roxanna, who was staring at him with a bemused smile on her lips. "What?"

"I just like watching you and how you operate. There are still times when it's hard to believe you're in my life, and that we're building a future together." She held the bottle out to him, and he quickly opened it before pouring some into each glass.

"I wish that we could go up to the roof and watch the fireworks that are certain to go off, but I don't think there's enough staff for us to do something like that."

"And it would be a bit cold. I'd prefer just to cuddle up with you here, thinking about how our next year is going to go. Just think, one year from today, we'll have been married for ten weeks. That doesn't seem possible, really, does it? We've been waiting for this moment for so long, and now with it so near, the future past that is a little harder to see."

"I just take every day as it comes, darling." He didn't want to tell her that there was a part of him that worried if he would be able to fight off his depression in the future. He was approaching the age at which his mother had taken her life, and that was always a spectre that loomed in his mind, especially when he could feel himself sliding into an episode. Thankfully, Roxanna's presence had been enough so far to keep him from getting too bad, but a small part of his brain knew that there would come a time when even her love and support were not enough.

"Henrik? What is going on in that brain of yours?" she asked as she reached up and cupped his cheek gently, tapping her thumb against it as she looked into his eyes.

"I was just thinking about our future," he replied before giving her a quick kiss. "I am looking forward to calling you my wife, you know. I mean, we already live together, so it is sort of a formality, but it will be a nice structure for us. If that makes sense."

"It does. It feels like we'll have a bit of permanence to this relationship. Look, I know that we are committed to each other completely, but we're also in this liminal space." She let out a deep sigh as she drifted closer to him, turning her head to rest her cheek against his chest. "The selfish part of my heart just wants our foundation to be firm and in place."

"I totally understand," he murmured as he closed his free arm around her waist, trying not to spill his drink. She made a low sound of pleasure as she snuggled in closer to him, and he could almost picture her eyes closing as she breathed in and out slowly. They stood like that until it was a minute to midnight, and then he gently pushed her away, pointing at the clock on the wall. Together, they watched as the seconds ticked by. As soon as it reached the ten second mark, they counted aloud until the clock turned over to midnight and then they clinked their glasses softly before downing the sparkling juice. When their glasses were empty, Henrik cupped her face with his hands, lowering his lips to cover hers in a soft kiss.

She whimpered a little as she pressed herself closer to his body, and Henrik had to remind himself that they were at work, that they couldn't take things any further than a tender kiss, or risk facing disciplinary action. Regretfully, he pushed her away with a small sigh before reaching up to cup her cheek with his hand, his thumb stroking gently as he looked into her stormy grey eyes. "Henrik?"

"We're still at work, darling. I don't want to explain to Graham why things are a little more personal than professional, should he walk in."

Roxanna gave him a small nod as she spread her hands out on his chest. "I suppose that you do have a point there. We can pick this more pleasant pursuit once we're home in a few hours." She pressed a small lip to the outside corner of his mouth before stepping away once more. "Happy New Year, darling."

"Happy New Year, Roxanna." He poured them each another glass before handing her glass to her. She accepted it and sipped the drink, watching him closely. "I hope that the year ahead of us is filled with all the happiness that we can stuff into it. There, there's something I haven't told you." Her eyes widened a little, and he could tell that she was concerned. He took a few more sips of juice before licking his lips. "I can feel the insidious tendrils of depression starting to creep into my life. I keep trying to fight them back, but I know that I'm going to need you by my side, if things get particularly bad."

"Of course, darling, anything you need," she said. He had to lean in to hear her words, they were that faint, and as he did so, she leaned in towards him. "You are the other half of my heart. If you hurt, I hurt, and I will do everything in my power to help you." She grinned puckishly before tweaking his nose and backing away from him. "And now, I bid you adieu. Come up and get me when you're done, as I have the sneaking suspicion you'll be later than I will."

Henrik nodded as he watched her leave the room, a slight bounce to her step as she went out of the room. Once she was gone, the smile slipped from his lips, knowing that despite her fierce belief that she had the power to keep him safe from the valleys of depression, there was no way that she could fix the chemical imbalance that made his depression great. Optimism didn't cure everything, despite what so many people thought, and he just hoped that despite the tragedies of the last year, they would be able to piece together a happier future.


	59. Chapter 59

"Are you doing anything special for Valentine's Day?"

Henrik looked at Graham over the clipboard, giving him a baleful look. "Roxanna will be here for most of the day, so I don't think that she'll be up for anything too over the top."

"You don't have to do anything spectacular, just romantic. My wife and I have rented a room in a bed and breakfast for the night. We're not going anywhere, we're just spending time together someplace different, where people can't find us."

Henrik nodded a little as he digested Graham's words. There was a certain truth to them, and he shrugged a little. "I suppose that you do have a point there. It's probably too late to book accommodation somewhere, given that the holiday is next Wednesday, but I should be able to come up with something special for her."

"A good meal is always a nice way to go. I know that you're off that day on the rota, so you could spend the entirety cooking for her." Henrik nodded as the wheel's started turning in his head, trying to come up with the best meal to show Roxanna how much he adored her. The first order of business would be to get a card and gift during his break that afternoon.

The week between his talk with Graham and Valentine's Day passed much more quickly than Henrik would have liked, but he still felt like he had managed to accomplish everything on the to do list he had made up in order to ensure a romantic evening for Roxanna. He had even gone so far as to spend a little more than he could afford at the moment to purchase a matching garnet pendant and bracelet set. He just hoped that Roxanna liked it as much as he did. Sighing a little, he spread his mother's lace tablecloth out on the kitchen table before placing a set of candlesticks that he had unearthed from the boxes they had taken from Callum's home.

Once the mood was set, he then gathered the ingredients for their meal and started to prepare it. He had timed everything out in a mock run on his previous day off, and knew exactly when everything had to go in the oven so that it would be ready to eat the moment Roxanna arrived home. He was so engrossed in his work that time passed by without him really noticing, and when he next looked up, it was time for everything to go in the oven and after he set the timer, Henrik opened a bottle of red wine, in order to let it breathe.

And there, there was nothing more to do but wait for Roxanna to arrive home. He couldn't help but take a seat at the table, his hands fiddling with the placement of the jewelry box. He wanted it to be shown in it's best light, but he also didn't want it to be too intrusive. Letting out a deep sigh, he finally decided to set it on Roxanna's left hand, so that he could hold her right hand during the meal, if it felt right. With that last small detail out of the way, Henrik took a deep breath and went over to the cupboard where they kept their candles and filled the candlesticks with them. Flipping the lights off, he struck a match and lit them, seeing how much light they'd give off. "That should be enough to eat by," he said lowly before blowing them out and turning the lights back on.

With that all set, he went into the living room and took a seat on the sofa, picking up the latest edition of _The Lancet_ , and began to read, losing himself in one of the articles as he listened with half an ear for the timer to go off. When it did ring, Henrik placed a bookmark in his place and set the journal atop the pile on the coffee table and got to his feet, pulling their meal out of the oven. As he set the various pans on the counter, Henrik smiled widely at the mingling scents tickling his nose, informing him that he had put things together quite well.

Henrik was just finishing arranging the asparagus on Roxanna's plate when he heard the door jiggle. Sucking in a shocked breath, he tried not to hurry things along, even though his fiancée was about eight minutes early. As the door opened, he turned his head and smiled at Roxanna as she entered. "Oh, my god, Henrik! You remembered Valentine's Day?" she asked as she closed the door, turning to hang up her coat and scarf before fairly running over to him and wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I did. Please, let me finish plating this and then set the mood for us before you come into the dining room?" She nodded against his back, and he relaxed a little as he finished plating their food and then carried the plates into the other room, setting them down before returning to the kitchen for the wine, pouring them each a glass before lighting the candles and flipping the lights off as he returned to the kitchen to run the used matches beneath water before setting them on the lip of the sink. "All right, my love, come with me?"

"To the ends of the earth," she murmured as she slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow and walked with him to the dining room. "This is so romantic!"

"I tried, for you," he said gravely, and then she was turning to him, reaching up to wrap her free arm around his neck and pulling his head down so that she could kiss him deeply. "Shall we eat?"

"Yes," she breathed out as she sat in the chair he pulled out for her. "And a present? Henrik…"

"I know, we're saving for our next place, but I wanted you to have a small token of my love for you. Graham said that it would be better if I didn't forget today."

"Well, at least Graham didn't suggest flowers," she said, letting out a low chuckle that he was quick to answer with his own laugh. "Oh, I do love you, Henrik Hanssen."

"I love you, too, Roxanna MacMillan." He took his seat and picked up his fork, spearing a piece of asparagus, letting his fork dangle in his hand as he watched her closely. "Eight months."

"You're counting down now, too?" she asked, and even in the low light, he could tell that she was blushing as he nodded. "I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who's anxious. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you! I've been in contact with Serena McKinney, well, Campbell now. Seems she got married a few months ago. Anyway, I told her that I don't really have many friends here in Sunderland, yet, and so didn't have anyone to try dresses on with. So, she said that she'd be willing to come up in two weekends to go shopping with me. I have something in mind, but I don't know if I'll find it."

"It doesn't matter to me what you wear, as long as you show up at the altar," he said, clasping her hand tenderly. "But I know it's important to you, so I hope that you find the perfect dress."

"Thank you, darling," she murmured as she smiled at him. "Now, let's eat so that we can turn to more amorous delights all the sooner." He swallowed thickly as he nodded, drawing back his hand and focusing on his meal, wondering just what Roxanna had in mind to fill their evening with.


	60. Chapter 60

"I'm sorry that I couldn't get home earlier," Henrik said as he crossed over to where Roxanna was sitting on the sofa, leaning down to kiss her cheek before settling down next to her. "There was an emergency surgery, and Graham pulled me in to assist. How was your day?"

"It was good. I got some more planning done on the wedding, and everything is coming together nicely. I've booked our venue for the ceremony and the reception, and tomorrow, I'm going to see about posting the banns, so that we can be all official." She smiled at him before patting his chest. "May I?"

He nodded, and then she was reclining against him, letting her head come to rest above his heart. "And have you given thought about our honeymoon?" he asked as he started to drag his fingers through her hair slowly.

"I still want to visit the Scottish borders. If we're to stay with our plan of having a home of our own, we can't be extravagant about our spending. And I'm still hoping that Freddy will join us for the wedding and afterwards. I mean, it's not like we have to worry about consummating things, do we?"

He chuckled as he shook his head. "You do have a good point there. And I'm certain we could ask if there was a nanny available at our hotel if we want to share an intimate moment." Roxanna let out a small, pleased, breath as her hand spread out on his stomach. "So, what do we have left to do?"

"Dress shopping for me, perhaps a new suit for you, ordering flowers, contacting musicians, and finding a caterer and a cake. I know, it sounds like a lot, but given everything I've already done, this is the very end of things. And to think I still have four months left to plan!" He leaned down and pressed his lips against the top of her head. "Oh, and invitations. I ordered them today, and I'd like your help addressing them, if you don't mind."

"That will be fine. I take it there are no more tweaks to the guest list?"

Roxanna cleared her throat guiltily as she snaked her arm around his torso in order to spread her hand out on his back and hold him close. "Well, I did want to make one addition. Seeing as how John was so thoughtful to attend my father's funeral, I thought that we could extend the olive branch to him. It doesn't mean that we have to welcome him into our lives, but I would like to share this moment with him. After all, we can't harbor ill will towards him forever. That will hurt our hearts more than hurt him."

Roxanna did have a point, there wasn't the need to hold on to petty bitterness, and he finally nodded before wrapping his arm low around her waist, breathing in the delicate scent of her perfume. "Once more, you appear to have a larger heart than I do," he said lowly before allowing a peaceful silence to envelope the room. They sat like that for a while before Roxanna stirred and pushed away from him, getting up from the sofa and smiling down on him.

"I'm going to start supper. Is there anything that you particularly want?"

Shaking his head, he leaned forward and picked up the mail, looking through it to see if there was anything good. "I'll be fine with whatever you make, darling. Just make certain you wake me up if I fall asleep before it's ready." She giggled a little as she left the room, and he let out a chuffed little breath as he settled back in the sofa with the newspaper and an envelope with his name on it. Opening the envelope first, he gasped to find tickets to the symphony inside. Tossing the newspaper back onto the coffee table, he got to his feet and hurried into the kitchen, where Roxanna was just pulling a cake out of the fridge to set on the table.

"I take it you opened the envelope," she said, a mischievous grin on her lips. "I wouldn't forget your birthday, Henrik, and I knew that you wanted to go hear this show when it was announced at the beginning of the season. Thankfully, I was able to still get us a pretty decent place to sit and watch it."

That was the first time he thought to look at that, and breathed in sharply. "These are amazing seats, Roxanna. How did you manage to get these?"

"Luck and perseverance. I'm not too knowledgeable about classical music concerts, given my taste in music, but I was talking with Guy Self, and he told me to ask for seats in the middle of the row, and towards the middle of the hall. And then I called the hall for tickets, mentioning my requests, and this is what they sold me. Happy birthday, darling."

He set the tickets on the table as he crossed over to her, taking the cake and putting it on the counter before hugging her tightly and giving her a deep kiss, trying to pour out all his love and devotion for her thoughtful gift in that embrace. "Normally, we don't celebrate my birthday, what brought this about?" he asked as he took a seat at the table and watched Roxanna start to pull out two plates of food from the fridge as well.

"Let me just pop these into the oven to warm up," she said as he reached out and pulled open the door, feeling the warmth of it roll out and wash over him. "I was hoping you didn't have anything special in mind when I asked, since I had already made this today." She closed the door and turned the timer on for ten minutes before she turned and looked at him once more. "And it felt right to celebrate this year. We've had so many bobbles in the road, that a spot of joy is always most welcome."

He nodded as she stepped forward, settling onto the table as she watched him closely. "That is true, too. I hope that you know how much you mean to me. You're always thinking about ways that you can make me happy, and I feel like I don't do my due diligence to reciprocate that."

"You don't need to be quite as extravagant as I am, I know that that's not you. But I also didn't fall in love with grand gestures from you. I fell in love with your quiet, serious, self. The person who will always be there to catch me when I stumble." Roxanna reached out and caressed his face, tapping her thumb against his lips as she smiled at him. "Let me be the effusive one, as long as you promise to remain my faithful Henrik."

"I will promise to always be your faithful Henrik, dearest Roxanna," he said before kissing her thumb. She tilted her head to one side before letting out a soft hum. Leaning in towards each other at the same time, their lips met in a tender kiss, and Henrik thought, briefly, that if there was a God in heaven, He would surely never add any more strife between him and Roxanna, not when they had already fought through so much to be together.


	61. Chapter 61

Henrik looked over at David, giving him a small smile as he tugged on his waistcoat, trying to cause the butterflies in the pit of his stomach to take flight. This was the culmination of everything he and Roxanna had been working towards in their relationship, and now, only moments from the ceremony starting, he was starting to wonder if Roxanna would come to her senses and realise that he was not the best choice for her. Not when she could have had someone handsome like David, someone whose natural expression was a sunny smile. "Smile, Henrik, you look like you're about to be ill," David said lowly in his ear, and he nodded as he took a deep breath, straightening his shoulders and trying to find a placid smile to place on his lips. It was a little difficult when he felt so nervous, and he hoped that it didn't appear as if he was grimacing.

The organist began to play and Henrik felt his posture become even straighter as he turned to watch the aisle, seeing everyone gathered in the back of the sanctuary. That made this all the more real to him, and he drew in a deep breath to calm himself as he watched the first set of people started down. Somehow, they had each found four people to be part of their bridal party besides their best man and matron of honor, and he felt his pulse race a little as the next set of people start down the aisle. It wasn't until Serena started down the aisle, a sultry grin on her lips, that he felt himself relax a little.

As soon as she was in place, the music shifted a little as his eyes focused on the fact that his Fredrik was starting to toddle down the aisle, a serious expression on his face as he stared at the pillow holding the wedding rings. Henrik turned his head a little, looking for Maja, and once their eyes met, he dipped his chin, feeling so grateful that she had relented to allow Fredrik to be there after all. Blinking back tears, he cleared his throat lowly as Fredrik reached his side, standing as close to him as possible. " _Hej, Papa_."

"Hello, Freddy," he said, letting out a little sigh as his son grabbed hold of his trousers. And then, the organist began to play "Elsa's Procession To the Cathedral", and his strained smile broke into a true, pleased, grin. This was a great surprise, as she hadn't told him the music she had chosen for her entrance. There was a small pause before Roxanna appeared at the back of the sanctuary, and Henrik felt his breath stolen away by how beautiful she looked. The radiant smile on her lips filled him with a similar level of joy, and he was hard pressed to keep from humming along with the song as she made her way towards him.

Graham seemed more of an afterthought, though Henrik did nod at his mentor a little as he slipped Roxanna's hand into the crook of his elbow, and then they were turning to face the pastor. Roxanna handed her bouquet over to Serena as their attendants took a seat on the front pews. Graham tapped Fredrik's shoulder and pointed towards the seat next to him, and his son nodded exuberantly as he allowed the older man to help him up onto it before Henrik focused on the pastor fully.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today before God and you, to join these two people in holy matrimony. They have decided to take this step forward in their lives, trusting each other to take care of one another until the end of their lives." As the pastor continued to speak, Henrik found that he couldn't keep his attention on the words, instead his eyes kept darting towards Roxanna, looking at her and drinking in her beauty. Someone had expertly done her makeup, accentuating her large, lovely, eyes and the sweet curve of her lips. Her dress was modest, but the neckline dipped low enough to hint at her cleavage. "And now, Roxanna has asked me to say a few words on love and marriage and finding the person who matches your soul. Marriage is a topic that is brought up multiple times in the Bible, and while I could be obvious and choose to speak about the first couple, I want to focus today on the marriage of Jacob and Rachel…"

Henrik listened to the short homily about how, despite having to work fourteen years to be allowed to marry the woman he loved, Jacob found it to be nothing, since that meant he would be with the woman he loved. There was something inherently romantic about that story, and then he was brought back to awareness by the pastor clearing his throat. Roxanna smiled at his as she waggled her eyebrows, and he took a deep breath as he brought his attention back to what was going on around him. "And now, the vows. Henrik, if you would repeat after me?"

He nodded and parroted back the traditional words that would bind him to Roxanna, finding himself choking up as he spoke. Then it was her turn to say those words, and her quick tears caused his own to start flowing down his cheeks. An understanding look spread across Roxanna's face, and he tightened his hold on her hands as he nodded. Finally, it was time for the rings, and Fredrik was bounding up between them, holding up the pillow containing the rings.

Giving his son a warm smile, Henrik plucked the thin gold band off the satin pillow and took hold of Roxanna's left hand as he brought the ring to the appropriate finger. "With this ring, I thee wed," he said softly, sliding the ring home. She let out a soft sigh before picking up his ring off the pillow and taking hold of his left hand.

"With this ring, I thee wed," she whispered, the tears making her voice a bit rough. Henrik waggled his fingers a little at the unaccustomed weight, and Roxanna stifled a giggle as she copied the movement. The pastor just let out a light breath of exasperation as he looked between the two of them, and Henrik shrugged as small as he could before turning his attention back to Roxanna as the pastor gave a final blessing to them.

"And now, I would like to present to all those gathered here today – Mister and Mrs Henrik Hanssen. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder." He looked at them both before giving them a knowing smirk. "Henrik, you may now kiss your bride."

He nodded as he lifted the veil from her face, revealing her in her full glory to him. Relaxing, he bent a little to capture her lips with his. Roxanna decided to be the aggressor in that moment, taking the kiss deeper as she wrapped an arm around his waist, holding him close. Serena chuckled lowly, which seemed to break the spell around them, and he pulled away to take a deep breath, giving Roxanna the most joyful smile he could muster from the ebullience that was frothing in his heart. She returned the grin before taking the bouquet from Serena's outstretched hand and then they took hold of Fredrik's hands and began to make their way down the aisle as all who were gathered rose to their feet and watched them leave. And for the first time in his life, Henrik felt like he finally had the family he had always desired.


	62. Chapter 62

After the majority of their guests had left for the reception venue, the bridal party gathered at the front of the church for pictures. Maja remained in her seat towards the centre of the sanctuary, and he gave her a deep nod as he lifted Fredrik up into his arms, taking care not to crush the boutonniere as he turned to face the camera, smiling widely at the photographer as they stood there, different permutations of their wedding party surrounding them as the pictures were taken. Finally, though, the man seemed satisfied with the images he had captures, and everyone headed towards the back, save for him, Roxanna, and Fredrik.

"Just a few pictures of the three of us?" Roxanna asked, seemingly addressing both him and the photographer. He nodded in an instant, while the photographer followed his lead. "Thank you!" she squealed as she enfolded them both in a loving embrace. "Oh, my sweet Freddy, it is so good to see you!" Roxanna kissed his cheek lightly before turning to look at the photographer. "All right, how would you like us to stand?"

"How about we have you sit in the deacon's chair, Roxanna, and Henrik and Freddy can stand next to you. Henrik, you place your hand on Roxanna's shoulder." They followed the instructions given them through a series of pictures, and then Roxanna nodded a little at the photographer.

"We don't want our guests waiting too long for us. Thank you."

"It's my pleasure, ma'am. I'll meet you at the reception venue." They nodded and the man left, his bag thumping against his hip as he went. Maja got to her feet and approached them as they made their way down the aisle.

"I can take Fredrik now," she said a bit sharply, and he gave her a dark look, watching her swallow thickly. "Well, he can't very well ride in your car!"

"Oh, but we would love it if he could come along with us! I know, you're so generously allowing us to take him on our honeymoon, but we get so little time with Freddy as it is that I just want to spend every moment I can with him."

Roxanna's impassioned plea seemed to have little effect on Maja, but then Henrik nodded a little as he stepped closer to his wife, and she seemed to deflate at the move, giving them a half-hearted nod. "Fine. But I will be taking him back to our hotel for the evening, so that you can have a proper wedding night."

Roxanna bundled Fredrik closer to her as she let out a cheerful sigh. "Thank you! Now, let's get to our reception!" They hurried out to the waiting car, and their driver opened the back door for them. Roxanna slid in first, taking care to make certain her dress was tucked in around her legs as Henrik handed Fredrik over to her. Then he was joining them in the back and they settled into the seat and watched as the driver took them to the restaurant Roxanna had hired for them.

Serena was waiting for them at the door, and she took the bouquet from Roxanna's hands before melting into the room, allowing them to claim all the attention of those gathered. The applause was kind, but Henrik still blushed deeply to have so many people focused on him and Roxanna at once. In the more intimate space of the restaurant, it seemed to overwhelm him a bit more than when they were at the church. Roxanna seemed to know how he was feeling, as she stepped closer to him, letting go of Fredrik's hand so that she could take hold of his as they approached their table. Maja appeared at their side moments later to take Fredrik, and Roxanna gave her a thankful smile which caused Henrik to smile as well.

From the corner of his eye, he watched Maja take a seat at the table closest to them, and knew that Roxanna had given her that position of honor, most likely to smooth the way between them even more. The tenderness of that gesture caught him off guard, and he teared up a little as he reached out for her hand, threading their fingers together as they settled back in their chairs. "Look, next to Freddy. He really did make it!" Henrik turned to look at the other table and found John sitting there, giving him a small smirk.

"I'm glad that he reacted well to our olive branch. Perhaps, when we're back from our honeymoon, we can have him over to supper."

"Oh, I'd love that Henrik!" She let her head thump down on his shoulder as the staff began to bring their food out, setting it down at the main table first. He'd forgotten that Roxanna had chosen their favourite foods as choices for their guests, and his stomach growled hungrily as he breathed in the delicious scent of prime rib. "I am so hungry, I might out eat you today," she teased as she tucked into their meal. The caterer had done an amazing job with the food, and he found himself quickly eating the meal, watching as Roxanna did the same.

After they'd eaten, Roxanna and he got up and went to mingle with their guests, his arm firmly wrapped around her waist as they weaved through the tables. It was nice to see how many of their colleagues and friends had joined them on this happy day, and he tried to stay up and focused as they went, knowing that there would be time to rest once he and Roxanna were back in their hotel room. Finally, they made their way to John and Maja's table, and he gave a strained smile to their friend as he held out his hand towards him.

John clasped it tightly, shaking firmly before getting to his feet and hugging Roxanna warmly. "It is so good to see you both once more, and to find you so happy. That's all I've ever wanted for the friends that I love so much." Though his words were kind, Henrik could see that there wasn't any real warmth in his eyes, which made him wonder about the sincerity behind them. Still, he had come, and that was all he would focus on, not wanting to dim the sparkle on their festivities.

"I am so glad that you got here, John. I wasn't certain that you'd gotten the invitation, since you had mentioned in your last letter that you were looking at heading to the continent to start working on your research, with you new mentor."

"You do have a good memory, Rox. I'll be moving to Portugal next month, and will hopefully begin in depth work on my trial before moving forward to the next step in things. And how are you finding your work? I've heard that Guy is quite driven."

"He is, but we get along well together. It's like having a really competitive brother. And it helps to have Henrik on hand to let off steam with when things get to be too much." Serena came up to their table just then, whispering something in Roxanna's ear. She nodded, and then looked at him. "It's time to cut the cake. Come along, Henrik. And remember, you promised to be gentle when feeding me my piece."

"I remember, darling." They got to their feet, and he watched Roxanna kiss John's cheek softly before ruffling Fredrik's hair as they made their way over to the cakes. They were neatly arranged on stands, and he smiled to see that they were all elegantly decorated. "This one is ours, yes?" he asked, pointing to the cake that had a heart atop it. Roxanna nodded as she picked up the decorative knife and held it out to him. Covering Roxanna's hands with his own, they cut into the cake and then managed to get it onto a small plate before he grabbed the forks from Serena's hand, giving one to Roxanna. "Here we go." She nodded and flaked a piece of it off, holding it up to his mouth. After swallowing the bite, he copied the movement before taking hold of the plate and guiding Roxanna back to their seats, wondering if this day could be any more perfect.


	63. Chapter 63

"It was so kind of Graham to reserve us a suite here," Roxanna said as they entered the bridal suite of an upscale hotel. Henrik nodded as he carried in their overnight bags. As he watched, Roxanna spun around a few times, a happy laugh trilling from her lips as she finally fell back onto the huge bed. "I don't think this would fit into our bedroom!"

"I do believe you're correct," he said as he set the bags atop the dresser in their room. "And it was so nice of Serena and her husband to take our gifts back to our flat."

"Wasn't it? She's such a good friend to us. It's just a shame that she's working in London, so she can't get away to see us as much as I'd like to see her."

"But that's life, darling."

"I know," she replied as she sat up and looked at him. "Do you want to help unbutton me? It's starting to be a little too much?"

He nodded as he came over to the bed, helping her to stand up before he gently turned her around and looked at the row of buttons that ran down her spine. "How long did it take for Serena to get you into this?"

"About ten minutes. Even with her dexterous surgeon's fingers, it was a chore to get them all into their proper place. A part of me wants to tell you to just tug the sides of the dress apart, and let the buttons fall where they may, but…well…we'd have to pick the buttons up before we left, and that would eat up into our personal time."

He let out a low chuckle as he settled his hands on her shoulders, lowering his face until he was pressing his lips against the bare skin. Feeling the small shiver that traveled through her body, Henrik smiled and then pulled back to bring his hands to the first button. It was a little difficult to pop from the little loop of thread, but by the time he reached the sixth button, he had managed to find a rhythm, and as he moved down her back, he began to pepper her smooth skin with kisses. "Did you happen to count how many buttons were on your dress?" he murmured against her back as he reached the halfway point.

"N-no, I didn't think to," she responded shakily. He could tell that the soft brushes of his knuckles against her skin and the kisses he was giving her were starting to ramp up the sexual tension in her, and he had to fight the animalistic urge to take Roxanna up on her first suggestion and rip open the rest of the fastenings, letting the buttons fall where they may. "Henrik?"

"Yes, darling?"

"Will you please hurry a little? I want to feel your hands and lips elsewhere on my body."

"I'll try," he replied before turning back to the row of buttons. He tried to start moving a little quicker, but found that his fingers would get tangled with his excitement. Taking a deep breath, Henrik cracked his knuckles before kneeling on the floor and settling into his task once more. "I wonder why they don't put zippers in gowns like this?" he mused, more to himself, not expecting an answer.

"They do, I just didn't like any of them. I know, I deliberately frustrated us both, but my heart was set on this dress from the moment my consultant showed it to me. Serena agreed that it was perfect, too, when I came out in it."

"Then it is a blessing and a curse." Roxanna nodded before gasping a little when Henrik kissed the small of her back, finally reaching the final set of twelve buttons. "If you want, you can probably slip your arms from the sleeves and let the dress pool around your hips. I'm almost finished here."

"Okay," she said lowly as she did just that. Then, she reached behind her back and unclasped her bra, holding on to it as he finished the last button. The fabric of her wedding gown slipped down her legs to pool at her feet, and then she was turning around to face him. Henrik ran his eyes up her body, drinking in the sight of her. Before he could stop himself, Henrik placed his hands on her torso, sliding them up until he was cupping her breasts, his thumbs brushing across them until they tightened into stiff peaks, the sweet pink color deepening as desire filled her body.

Smirking a little, he leaned in and pressed his lips against her belly button, allowing his tongue to dart out and circle it a few times, feeling Roxanna bow into him as he slid his hands down to her hips and hooked his thumbs into the band of her panties, rolling them down her legs, taking care to not disturb her silken thigh high hose. Slowly, he began to rise to his feet, kissing the skin of Roxanna's torso as he went, taking care to worship her breasts as he gently pushed them back onto the bed, fitting his body between her legs.

Roxanna began to push and tug articles of clothing he was wearing, and he followed suit by undoing his belt and pushing off his trousers and pants as he shrugged off his other clothes. Finally, he worked his way up her neck before kissing her deeply as he thrust into her. Roxanna's legs wrapped around his hips, drawing him in deeper as they moved together in frantic way, as if they were trying to find a way to become as close to one flesh as they possibly could. Breaking the kiss, Henrik pushed himself up a little so that he could look at Roxanna, watching the way her face contorted with pleasure as she arched her body upwards. The sensation of her nipples brushing against his chest and the guttural moans that slipped from her throat drove his passion up to the next high, and he started to snap his hips a little faster, trying to rush them up to the pinnacle of pleasure.

"Henrik!" she cried out as her nails dug into the meat of his back, her orgasm coursing through her body and helping him to find his own pleasure. Letting out a primal noise from his throat, he collapsed atop her once more, pressing his lips along the planes of Roxanna's face. "Oh, that was fast. We're supposed to make tonight last," she panted out, running her fingers through his hair as she smiled up at him.

"Who said that it was just one and done, darling?" he replied, licking his lips a little as he rolled off her to rest on his back, starting up at the ceiling. "I mean, we have to get cleaned up."

"I like the way you think, Henrik," she said as she straddled him, leaning down to kiss him deeply. "Care to join me in the bathroom?" There was no way that he could tease her in that moment, not when his want was so clearly evidenced in the fact that he was already starting to get hard once more. Crooking her finger at him, Roxanna slid off his body to stand up, a puckish grin on her lips as she winked before turning on her heel and scampering over to the bathroom. "The shower is definitely large enough for the two of us!"

That was all he needed to hear to find the stamina to get to his feet, jogging after her to find that she was in front of the mirror, pulling out the pins that held her hair up in the elaborate style that had looked so lovely. "Here, let me help." She gave him a wide smile in the mirror before nodding a little, pointing at the pile of hairpins on the counter. "Are you really going to cut your hair after our honeymoon?"

"This is the longest I've ever had it, and while it's nice for pictures, it's not for me. I hope you don't mind." He shook his head, knowing that even if he did mind, it wasn't his place to tell her what she could do with her body. "How about you help me pick out the style? Though I was thinking that pixie cut would look quite fetching. And it would be a lot easier to keep under my surgical cap."

"If that's what you want," he replied as he brushed aside her hair and pressed a soft kiss to the back of her neck. "Now, let's head into the shower." Roxanna nodded as she dropped the last of the pins onto the pile and then turned in his arms, kissing him deeply as they walked over to the shower and got inside.


	64. Chapter 64

Henrik listened to Roxanna sigh quietly, her arm holding Fredrik close to her chest as they waited for the gate attendant to get them. They had spent a wonderful week in Galashiels, taking the train or buses to different cities, trying to find things that Fredrik would enjoy doing, bonding as a family. His English seemed to improve by leaps and bounds, and Roxanna's Swedish, while still halting, was getting better as well. If they had had more time together, everything would have been that much further along, and he knew that when they arrived home in Sunderland, he would have to press a little harder to see about getting shared custody with Maja. There was just no way that he could allow his son to grow up without having their influence in his life.

"Excuse me, if you want to bring Freddy aboard now, and get him settled, the captain said that would be all right." He looked up at the woman, noticing the small smile on her face.

"Is it really that time already?" He heard the break in Roxanna's voice, and reached over to squeeze her knee softly, trying to offer her as much comfort as her could.

"I'm afraid it is. We like to get young solo travelers like him settled in before the rest of the passengers, since that hustle and bustle can unnerve them."

He nodded and got to his feet, waiting for Roxanna to follow suit. She took a deep breath and bundled Fredrik close to her chest as she rose to her feet, and he could see that she was valiantly trying not to cry as they followed after the gate attendant. Henrik carried the small bag of essentials that Roxanna had packed for the flight. While it was not terribly long, she had wanted him to have his giraffe, and his blankie, and a few board books. "Where is he going to be sitting?" he asked as they walked down the jetway.

"All the way in the back, so that the flight attendants can keep a close eye on him. Is he allowed to have soda?"

They shook their heads in unison, and the gate attendant smiled as they got on the plane, heading towards the back. A younger woman gave them a small wave as they reached the last row. "Is this little Fredrik?" she asked, and Roxanna nodded as she took a seat and place Fredrik in the one next to her. Henrik watched her hug him close before kissing his forehead tenderly as she buckled his seatbelt. "Is there anything that we should know?"

"He might cry, this will be his first flight alone. My wife packed his blanket, his favourite toy, and some books, but I don't know if that will be enough to soothe him. His mother will be picking him up at the gate, but it's the in between that we're worried about."

"Don't worry, we'll take care of him as best we can."

Henrik nodded a little as Roxanna got to her feet and shuffled across the aisle, allowing him to take a seat next to his son and give him a tight hug. " _Jag_ _ä_ _lskar dig_ , Freddy," he said lowly before kissing his cheek.

"I love you, too, Papa," Fredrik replied before patting his face. "Mama?"

"You'll see her soon, son." He gave him another kiss before standing, knowing that if he lingered any longer, he'd start crying, and he didn't want Fredrik to see him cry. "Now, be good for the nice people, and we'll see you soon."

Fredrik nodded eagerly as he wiggled in his seat. Plastering a false happy smile on his face, he waved to his son before handing the bag over to the flight attendant and turning on his heel, starting down the aisle. Behind him, he could hear Roxanna giving Fredrik her final goodbyes before her footsteps began to trail after him. It wasn't until they were in the jetway that she was able to walk by his side, and he welcomed her arm around his waist as she plastered herself to him.

"Just tell me that he's going to be okay," she said, her voice thick and phlegmy. He gave a curt nod before guiding her over to the most secluded set of chairs by the gate and drawing her down next to him. "I promised myself that I wouldn't cry until we were home in Sunderland. But we still have hours before our train leaves, and then another three hours on the train. I just…I miss my little guy already."

Her words were barely above a whisper, and he knew that she was trying desperately to keep it together. Despite everyone milling around them, he opened his arms, welcoming her against his chest as she started to openly sob. Gently, he rubbed her back, trying to calm her before they made their way to Waverly Station. "I'm going to see my solicitor on my next day off to see about pushing for shared custody with Maja. I know that it will probably cause a bit of friction between us, since Maja still hasn't truly accepted our marriage, but I really want him to be a larger part of us."

"Whatever you have to do, Henrik, I'll support. Because this week with him and you was one of the best in my life, and I don't want it to be months and months before we see him again." Roxanna nuzzled her face into his chest, digging her fingers into the fabric of his jumper as she fought to get control over her feelings. All he could do was swallow and blink rapidly, trying to control his own emotions, since he needed to be strong for her in that moment. There would be a time for tears later, when they were home and she was sleeping. "All right, I think that I'm okay to head to the train station now."

Henrik nodded as he helped her to her feet, turning her away from the people who were queueing up to board the plane that would take his son from them. Roxanna again seemed to melt into him as they made their way out of the airport and over to the bus area. As they waited, he was suddenly grateful for the fact that they had packed light and didn't need to worry about carting a lot of luggage on the bus. Still, he had to adjust how he was shouldering the bag as they boarded, and he allowed Roxanna to find them a seat in the back. Sitting down next to his wife, he stowed the bag on the floor between them before looking at her. "I love you, Roxy."

"I love you, too," she whispered before letting her head come to rest on his shoulder. "We need to have more weekends away, when we can get them. Somehow, I have the feeling that the coming months will be full of ups and downs. Because that just seems to be our lives, for better or for worse."

"I promise you that we will take every moment we can for ourselves. Because we both know how important that is for us at this point in our relationship." Henrik covered her knee with his hand and let out a deep breath before starting to hum lowly as they made their way to Waverly Station.


	65. Chapter 65

Henrik hummed along to a Wagner piece as he ate his lunch, thinking about how sweet it would be to go home that evening and spend some much-needed time with his wife. In the six weeks since they had been married, it seemed like the universe was doing its best to keep them apart. He hadn't even had time to contact his solicitor about getting partial custody of Fredrik, and that was weighing heavily on his heart. But all those worries would be kept under lock and key in the worry box in his mind, where he pushed all the things he didn't have time to give thought to at the current moment. And so, with the knowledge that Roxanna had had the day off and was preparing them a delicious little meal, in her words, made his heart light.

Hearing a familiar throat clear next to him, he looked up into Graham's face and could tell by the look there that he was about to hear news that would not please him, in the least. Girding himself, Henrik straightened his back and gestured for Graham to take a seat across from him. "I take it that you have something you wish to say to me?" he asked, trying to sound unperturbed.

"I do. Under my tutelage, you've become a fine general surgeon, and it is clear to me that there isn't much left that I can teach you. You're going to need to find your own footing in the medical world, and that is what I have to discuss with you today. There is a fantastic opportunity available for you at another hospital."

Henrik could tell by the way his mentor was talking that despite this being a fantastic opportunity, he was not going to enjoy the next words that would come from Graham. "What if I want to stay here?"

The man let out a deep sigh. "That is unfortunately not an option." Henrik had been afraid of that, and so he let out the breath he had been holding as he regarded Graham with a cool, level, look. "There's no room for advancement here at Sunderland General at the current time. You need to go somewhere you'll find the opportunity to grow as a better, more talented, surgeon."

"And just where is this amazing opportunity that you've lined up for me?"

Graham's cheeks darkened a little as he fidgeted the tiniest bit in his seat. "It's at Holby City General Hospital."

"That's near Bristol!" he exclaimed, unable to modulate his voice into a more sedate tone. Graham nodded, looking down at the table as he folded his hands. "Roxanna and I have been saving up for a house here, we'd been making plans to live here. And now, I'm just supposed to upend our lives? Is there a position for her at Holby as well? Or is she just supposed to do something different with her life? There are so many difficulties that we will have to deal with, here, so if we can, I'd rather stay here."

His mentor let out a deep sigh as he shook his head. "I'm sorry, there isn't a choice here. And Roxanna will have to finish her F2 work before she can think about looking for a position at another hospital. I know, it's not ideal, but when you marry a doctor, sometimes that's the sacrifice you need to make."

From the firm tone Graham used, Henrik knew there was no way that he could continue to debate with him. "When am I supposed to be there?" he finally asked, trying to keep control of his emotions even as his hand tightened around his fork.

"You have a month to find a place to live there, and then you will be expected to start there."

Henrik let his shoulders slump infinitesimally, feeling completely broken in that moment. Their dream of bringing Freddy to them, to starting a family, were gone in an instant, and he could feel regret start to taste like ash in his mouth. "Fine."

"Look, I know that this is not an ideal situation for you both right now, but Roxanna only has six more months until she's ready to move onto the next phase of her training, and most likely she can join you at that point."

He wasn't ready to be pacified, but knew that arguing further was not the wisest choice at the moment. At least their lease would be up in six months, so they wouldn't have to worry about breaking it and owing more money they didn't have to waste. Giving his mentor a tight nod, he got to his feet and shoved the remains of his lunch back into his pack and then went over to the fridge and placed it inside.

Without giving a backwards glance to his mentor, Henrik stalked out of the break and made his way up to the roof of the hospital, needing the peace of the midafternoon sky to calm him before he went back to his duties. Thankfully, he still had thirty minutes of his lunch, which would afford him a good amount of time to find a way to deal with the anger that he was feeling. As he paced back and forth across the roof, he felt himself calming a little. There was still a deep well of disappointment and hurt that he knew he would have to deal with, so that he wouldn't react poorly to Graham in the future, but for the moment, he wanted to hold on to the feelings for just a little longer.

A warm hand spread out on his back, and he knew that someone had told Roxanna that he was up there, as he knew the feel of her hand. Turning a little, he saw her standing there, a bemused smile on her lips. "Guy mentioned that he saw you heading up here when he was heading down for a consult on your ward."

"I didn't see him."

"He said that you were deeply lost in thought. What's going on?"

He let out a deep sigh, wondering if it would be easier to tell her now or wait until the arrived home. When she didn't shift her gaze from him, he knew that there would be no avoiding the elephant between them. "I've been asked to go to another hospital for a while. Graham thinks that my skills are such that I'm being held back here, and need to stretch my wings. And before you ask, I already have. There's no way for me to refuse the appointment, so I'm going to have to go. I don't want to. This puts all our plans on hold, especially for our Freddy. I'm so sorry, darling."

"Don't be, I'll be coming with you!"

"In six months, when our lease runs out, and you finish your F2 training. And then you're going to have to explore the hospitals in the area to see if there's a position available for you. And this will be so difficult for us starting a family. I just, I don't want to leave you for six months."

She let out a deep sigh as she shrugged, stepping closer to him and spreading her hands out on his chest. "We'll only be a short train ride away. Sure, we might not be able to spend all our free time together, but I can come to you, and you can come to me, and we will make it work. Because I love you, and you love me, and we are going to make this work. All right?" He gave her a small nod before closing his arms around her waist, holding her close as he continued to stare into her eyes, trying to feel as hopeful in their future as Roxanna clearly was, hoping that that optimism would come with time.


	66. Chapter 66

Henrik tried to stretch and make himself a little more comfortable in the train seat. This was the sixth week that they had had to make a journey to be together, and he was quickly growing tired of the extra expense and the hassle of having to travel nearly seven hours to see his wife. And he knew that the journey was taking a similar toll on her, since she always looked exhausted when she arrived at their place in Wyvren. That had been the one thing they had agreed on, they were going to purchase a house with a garden, in preparation for her moving there when she was finished with her training, and had decided that the little house with three bedrooms was perfect for their future needs. So all their extra money was being put towards that huge expense, but he knew that it would be worth it in the end.

Straightening his tie a little, Henrik turned towards the window, watching the scenery pass by. This was going to be a difficult weekend with Roxanna, since he only had a few hours with her, having to be back on the train at seven the next morning so that he would be on time for his shift the next day. Still, he knew that the moment he was in her arms, everything would be all right, and all the inconveniences of their commute would fade away as he lost himself in her arms.

Finally, the train pulled into the station he still thought of as home, and he stood as soon as it came to a complete stop, wanting to be one of the first people off, even though he knew that it didn't really matter how quickly he got off, Roxanna would still be waiting for him inside the building, a cup of coffee in each hand. The thought of soon having her in his arms was so soothing, and he unconsciously smiled as he followed the others off, making his way quickly into the station and looking around for his wife. She was sitting at their usual table, and he lifted his hand in welcome as he strode over to her side.

"Oh, thank god that the train was on time!" she said as she quickly got to her feet, wrapping him up in a tight hug before kissing his cheek softly. "I've missed you, more so this week than in past weeks. But we're a quarter of the way through this ordeal, and then I can be with you forever." She ran her fingers through his hair before tugging on his tie a little. "Let's head home. I only get seventeen hours with you, and I intend to make the most of them." He nodded and took hold of her hand before picking up his cup of coffee and allowing her to lead him out to their car.

The short drive to the apartment was filled with the sounds of some new folk music album, and he smiled a little, wondering how often this one would get played before she switched to something different. "We could spend a little time today at the park?"

Roxanna glanced over at him, a grin on her lips as she nodded. "I like the sound of that, Henrik. We'll just have to grab a blanket to put beneath us, since it's still a bit cool out today." He nodded absently as she pulled into their usual parking spot, and then he was getting out of the car and heading up to the door, pulling out his keys and unlocking the door.

The familiar, comforting, scent of her washed over him the minute he went inside, and he barely noticed that she had came in as well, closing the door. "I miss this," he said lowly, turning to look at her. "I miss coming home to you."

"We only have to make it through eighteen more weeks, darling. I think that we can do that. Because I miss you so much, too. Graham asked after you the other day, and I told him that you were doing well. I really do think that he didn't want to lose you to Holby, but he was right, you're doing work there that you wouldn't have had the opportunity to do here. Though Guy keeps telling me that it's not fair you were handed such a great appointment. Apparently, they have an up and coming neurology department, and he aims to have a place there."

He smiled as she stepped closer to him, her arms coming to rest around his waist as she grinned up at him. "Oh, so I have someone to look out for then," he said as he dragged his fingers through her hair. "I can't imagine having a rival and not even being in the same hospital as them."

"Ah, Guy is harmless, he just thinks that he's hot stuff because of his skill. I'm watching him very carefully to pick up any little tricks that I can, but…"

"Yes?" he asked as they made their way into the bedroom. Henrik took a seat on the bed and watched as Roxanna rummaged through the closet before pulling out a large woolen blanket, a triumphant smile on her lips as she turned back to look at him.

"I've been told that he watches me just as closely when I'm in the operating room. And if I admire his work so much, I'm inclined to believe that he must think that I'm kind of good, too."

"I happen to think that you're brilliant, Roxanna, and given enough time to hone your craft, you'll be one of the preeminent neurosurgeons in the country."

She shook her head a little, a bemused look on her face. "I think that you're just a little bit biased, Henrik, but I will accept the praise." He nodded as they went to the door, and then they were walking down to the park, his arm slung low around her hips. There was a slight chill to the air that afternoon, but he knew that as soon as they were cuddled up together beneath a tree the chill would abate.

There weren't too many people in the park when they arrived, which suited Henrik, and he took the lead, guiding Roxanna over to their tree and then helping her to spread the blanket out on the ground before he sat, folding his legs into a comfortable position before gently pulling Roxanna down next to him. "If I fall asleep, please wake me up. I can sleep tomorrow on the train back to Wyvern. I need to spend every possible moment with you."

"And I would totally understand if you did take a few minutes to sleep. Train travel is not the most comfortable on your body, darling," she said lowly as she scooted back to rest against the trunk of the tree, her hand taking hold of his as she stared up at the sky. "Can I tell you something?"

"Anything, always."

"It's been a really difficult week." There was a short pause and then she was cuddling close to him, wrapping her arm around his waist as she rubbed her cheek against his shoulder, letting out a deep sigh. "We've had so many things thrown at us in such a short period of time that there are moments when I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams. I've taken to sleeping in your jumper again most evenings."

"And I've been sleeping with your cat stuffie. It still has the scent of your perfume." She nodded a little before lifting her face and pressing her lips against his jaw. "We can make it the rest of this time, and then I don't think I'm going to let anything on this earth separate us ever again." Though he knew that he shouldn't make a declaration like that, he still felt like it was the current truth in his heart, and that it would take an extreme event to pull them apart.


	67. Chapter 67

There were only two weeks left before they could be together once more, but to Henrik it felt like they were still going to be a year or longer before they were under the same roof for eternity. And this would be an even longer week, as their days off didn't line up, so that there was no point in him travelling to Sunderland, and since she was starting at St James in three weeks, there wasn't really a point in her coming to visit the following week, since she would need to pack up the last of their apartment there and bring it with her in the car.

So, here he was, sprawled out on their sofa, aimlessly flipping through the _Lancet_ , and trying to not feel like he had landed in the middle of a horrible period of ennui. Even when he knew that was what was happening to him, and if he wasn't careful, this would slip into a full-blown episode of depression. It was ridiculous, how well he could read his emotions, and yet still didn't have a firm grip on how to pull himself out of the depressive depths he often found himself in.

He was just about to get up and make a meal from whatever he had left in the refrigerator when the phone rang, and he reached for the receiver, bringing it to his ear as he set the journal aside so that he could focus on the caller. "Hello?"

"Darling! I was hoping that I remembered your schedule correctly. How are you?"

"Missing you, and counting down the hours until you're here. Thank god you've been bringing things with you piecemeal, so that you don't have too much to do next week."

"Think smarter, my love, so that you don't have to work harder." He could picture her stretched out on the sofa, a mischievous grin spread across her lips as she talked to him. "This time has passed quicker than I thought it would. Though I suppose that that's because you indulged my near obsession to talk with you on the telephone all the time. Though that was poor substitute for your hands and body, let me tell you. That is the one thing that I am looking forward to the most, curling up next to you in bed and listening to the rain."

"That is thoroughly romantic, darling, and now you make me want that as well. And yet we have fourteen days before that is a possibility."

"Please, don't remind me about that. How was your day? Are you growing accustomed to the staff at Holby General?"

He drew in a deep breath as he tried to put into words how things were going. It wasn't that the staff had been unwelcoming, he was just a new face there, still, after five months of working with them. He had heard good things about the cardio-thoracic unit, but seeing as how that wasn't his discipline, he hadn't had the opportunity to really gel with them, since he didn't want to lose any time with Roxanna. "Things are going well. Though once you're here, I feel like I can start getting to know the staff a little better, since we can go out for drinks after our shift. I haven't really wanted to do that just yet."

"You have to put yourself out there, Henrik. I know that it's hard, with me not there, but if we're to put down roots there, we have to have a good circle of friends."

He nodded. "I know that you're right, but I've found that the only friends I really want to associate with are Serena and John. And we both know why John is not a viable answer for us right now. He has to show that he's truly changed before I feel comfortable with him around us once more."

"So you're going to be the man in the ivory tower, darling?"

He let out a deep sigh as he sat up and rested his chin on his hand. "I suppose that I am. It's easier that way, Roxy."

She let out her own deep sigh at those words, and he knew that she was concerned about that response. "All right, real talk then, since it seems you've been keeping some feelings close to the vest while we're apart. Have you found yourself a good therapist in Wyvern?"

"No," he replied honestly, knowing that that answer would trouble her. "It took me so long to find the right person to talk to in Sunderland, and it's been difficult to make a connection with anyone here in Wyvern. I might feel more settled when you arrive, and then I can spread my wings a little and see about finding a therapist that I feel able to communicate with effectively."

"Do you promise me that?"

He drew in a deep breath, knowing that Roxanna would keep pressing him until he agreed, and he knew that she did have a point. "I promise, yes," he finally replied, and he thought he heard a hint of a happy breath escape her lips at his agreement. "How much packing do you have left to do?" he asked, changing the subject so that the focus was no longer on him.

"Not all that much, truthfully. I've been stacking boxes in the corridor, but I think I'm going to leave my makeup as the last thing. My wardrobe has been getting pretty limited, let me tell you. Between packing away the excess, to things not fitting the way I like them, I'm rotating between two skirts, black trousers, and three blouses. Graham floats up to check on me, and he teases that I don't seem to go home, since all he sees me in is scrubs or the same clothes."

"Well, as long as you're happy with what you wear, I suppose that it doesn't really matter what others think."

"Exactly! I can't believe that my last day here at Sunderland is in four shifts. The closer it gets, the less I want to leave, even though I know that you can't come back here. I never thought that I would put down roots like this."

"I understand." Henrik dragged his hand through his hair, noting that he needed to get it cut soon, before it got too long. "Try not to leave a piece of your heart there, though. Because I need you here."

That was the closest he could come to admitting just how much he missed her. "Oh, my love," she breathed out, and he knew that she had read him like a book. "Maybe I'll leave for Wyvern right after my last shift, rather than waiting until the morning. I mean, it's supposed to only be a five-hour drive, and if I go a few hours, stop for supper, and then finish up, I could be in your arms to sleep well."

"I'd rather you get a good night's sleep and be home around noon, if truth be told, Roxanna. But if you truly feel the need to start home after your shift, promise me that you'll pull over and find somewhere to sleep for the night. All right?"

"Yes, Henrik." He could hear her yawn over the phone, and he chuckled lowly. "I know, I'm making your case for you. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

"I'm looking forward to it already. I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye!"

"Good bye," he said lowly before hanging up the phone and getting to his feet. He felt just as tired as Roxanna had sounded at the end of their conversation, and he still needed to take a shower. Though perhaps he could just leave that until the morning, he thought as he trudged over to the bedroom, exhaustion winning out over self-care in that moment.


	68. Chapter 68

Henrik had just settled down in bed with a book that he had picked up at the library the other day when he heard the lock in the door turn. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was nearly ten, and he frowned a little as he set the book back on the nightstand before getting out of bed and slipping his feet into slippers before making his way out of the room and down the hall. He was in time to see Roxanna trudge through the door, looking thoroughly exhausted. But the moment their eyes met, it seemed like all her tiredness fled her body as her eyes lit up.

Dropping the bag she had on her shoulder, Roxanna closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his waist as she nuzzled her face against his chest. "These were the longest two weeks of my life, Henrik. I don't know what I'll do if we're separated for a length of time longer than that."

Henrik relaxed into her embrace, dropping his chin to rest against the top of her head as he let out a deep sigh. "It is so good to have you back in my arms, Roxanna. Though I would have thought you might have called before you set out."

"I wanted to surprise you, darling, and I also didn't want you to wait up for me, just in case I had to stop for the night. It wasn't too bad, up until the last hour." A long yawn passed through her body, and he rubbed her back gently as he led her into the bedroom. "All I want to do is crawl into bed and have you spoon up against me. We can make love in the morning."

"That sounds like the best way to wake up," he said as he gently pushed her towards the bed before rummaging around in one of her drawers to pull out a set of pyjamas. By the time he turned around, she was curled up on her side, fast asleep, and he chuckled a little as he folded the pyjamas back up and closed the drawer, going over to her side and tugging off her shoes, putting them in the closet next to her others before stripping her down to her underwear and then carefully pulling the duvet from beneath her body before climbing into bed next to her.

It was so easy to curl around her body, molding himself to her as he relearned her shape. Even though she had only been gone from him for two weeks, it felt like an eternity, and he buried his nose in her hair before yawning himself and pulling the duvet up around their shoulders as he drifted off to sleep. When he woke up a few hours later to his alarm, Henrik was surprised to find that Roxanna had turned during the night, one of her legs thrown possessively over his hip, her head resting on his shoulder. He didn't want to wake her just yet, since he was enjoying drinking in her beauty, and he carefully reached out to hit the button on his clock, turning off the alarm.

That small movement seemed to stir her from her slumber and she stretched out along his body before blinking open her eyes and giving him a soft smile. "I haven't slept so well in so long."

"I know the feeling," he replied before he leaned in and kissed her softly. "How was the drive?" he asked as he started to rake his fingers through her hair, taking care not to tug on the snarls too roughly.

"It was so lovely, darling. I truly was able to see parts of the country that I haven't ever had the opportunity to really look at, and I wish that I could have taken a few days so that I could have stopped and taken pictures, you know? It's so hard to commit things to memory when they pass by you at fifty miles an hour." He nodded before kissing her again. "And it didn't help that I knew that I was coming home to you."

"Oh?" he said, smiling as she pushed his shoulder until he was on his back. Nodding, she straddled him, staring down into his face, her hair brushing against her cheeks, throwing shadows onto her features.

"Yes. That gave me a heavy foot, kept me pressing on to home." Roxanna reached out for his hands, and he obliged her, clasping her hands in his. A soft smile spread across her lips as she brought his hands to her breasts, pressing them tightly to her skin as she bit her lip. "You're home, and I needed to be with you."

"Are you sure that you just didn't miss this?"

"Henrik Hanssen! I will have you know that I missed everything about you." He nodded as she leaned in and captured his lips in a heated kiss, and as he returned the embrace, he firmed his grip on her breasts, letting his thumbs sweep back and forth across her nipples as he arched his hips up against her core, feeling the heat of her sex press against him. "But I did miss this."

"I did, too," he said before kissing her once more. Sliding his hands down her body, he took hold of her hips, nudging apart her thighs with his legs as he thrust up into her welcoming body. Roxanna rolled her hips, and he groaned at the sensation, unconsciously digging his fingers into the meat of her hips as he tried to control the pace of their lovemaking. She was having none of that, though, as she curled her hands around his shoulders, using the leverage to set the pace that she wanted. It was slow, languorous, really, and as he gave himself over to the pleasure that she was drawing out of him.

Instinct took over soon enough, and he gasped as their pace picked up. Though he found himself closer to orgasm than he would have liked, the anticipation of their reunion overwhelming him. The orgasm rushed through his body, and she grinned before kissing him deeply, letting him flip her onto her back and finish. "I love you," she whispered as he gently collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily into her hair.

"I love you, too," he finally managed to pant out, and she sighed a little as they curled up together. "And by now I'm assuming you know that I have the day off."

"Why do you think I wanted you to take your time?" Roxanna began to scratch the top of his head, sending shivers down his spine. "And please tell me you're not thinking about cutting your hair." He pursed his lips a little as he slipped from her body so that he could flop over onto his back to stare at the ceiling. "Henrik, your silence is telling. I adore these curls that are starting to form. I really hope our future children inherit that from you, you know. It appears that Freddie has that gene, from the latest pictures we've received."

"I would love a little blonde you with ringlets of gold falling down her back."

"As long as she has your dark eyes, then yes." She kissed him softly before slipping out of bed and making her way to the door. "I'm going to shower, if you care to join me?" And with the heated look Roxanna gave him, Henrik knew that he really couldn't say no.


	69. Chapter 69

"You will never guess who my mentor at St James is, Henrik!"

He looked up from his book and shrugged a little, watching Roxanna come over to the sofa and sit heavily, a pleased smile in her lips. "No, who?"

"The same doctor who gave Guy Self his foundation training! I mentioned how we worked together in Sunderland, and that was all it took to get me to be an actual part of the team. Seriously, this is a giant weight off my shoulders, because I thought that it would take me forever to find my place at this new hospital. Instead, by luck, there's someone that I tangentially know." She snuggled in close, resting her head on his shoulder. "So, have you heard from Maja lately? It seems like it's been a month since her last letter."

"I just finished her latest letter. There's nothing too terrible in it, so if you want to read it, feel free." Henrik pulled the envelope out of the book in his hands and passed it to her. A tiny smile passed over his lips when he saw that she put aside the letter to first see the pictures that Maja had included. There were quite a few of Fredrik, though he had thrown away the few salacious ones that she had included, not wanting Roxanna to see those.

"He's getting so big! Do you think that we could ask Maja to bring him for a visit after we've gotten settled here? I miss him, even though it's only been seven months."

"Time does pass quickly, doesn't it? And I was thinking about asking you the same thing. I think in another month or so, we should be ready to have Freddie for an extended visit." The smile Roxanna gave him could have lit up the darkest room, and he returned the gesture before lifting his arm, letting her curl up against his chest as she settled down to read the letter Maja had written. "My father also sounds like he's doing well."

"That's good," she replied absently, her eyes flitting back and forth over the words on the pages. "I don't suppose that you're going to relent and see him the next time we're in Sweden."

"There's too much bad blood between us at the moment, darling. Perhaps, after our first child is born, we can visit him and show him the bond that we have as a family." He bent his head and pressed his lips to the crown of her head. "Now, tell me a little more about your mentor."

"He's wonderful, and I'm learning so much under him already, even though it's only been a week. I think because I have the tendency to be quiet and focus on the task at hand rather than trying to make myself stand out, that he makes certain I am the one who gets to demonstrate procedures. It's going to be a lot of responsibility, but the payoff will be more than worth it in the end." She let out a little yawn. "Though I must say that it's nice to be on a somewhat set schedule, even though that is taking some getting accustomed to."

"And once you're more fully trained, you'll probably have to put in your hours just like everyone else."

"I know. But I'm going to enjoy this time for all it's worth." She rubbed her cheek against his chest and let out a little sigh. "I just don't know why I'm so tired lately. I would have thought that after getting settled in, I would get my pep back. But it's always good to come home to you."

He dropped another kiss to the top of her head as he nodded. "I have to agree with you there, Roxanna. It is always good to come home to you, as well. Now, do you want to make supper tonight or order takeaway?"

"I think that I would like to make a meal with you. Something simple, but filling." She sat up and stretched, carefully tossing the letter onto the coffee table before getting to her feet and stretching, her blouse riding up her torso, and he leaned forward to press his lips against her flesh, chuckling when he felt her muscles jump at the touch. "That's not the sort of meal that I was thinking about, Henrik. That can wait."

"Ah, my practical Roxanna," he said as he got to his feet, slinging his arm around her waist as they started for the kitchen. "I suppose that we do need to eat so that we don't waste away."

"You might have to worry about that, Henrik, but I've put on half a stone recently, and I can't imagine what is causing the weight gain. I've not been eating any more than usual."

He shrugged a little, running his hands up and down her sides as they stopped in front of the fridge. "I don't know where you're putting it, because you feel the same to me. Maybe you're retaining water?" She smacked his chest lightly before chuckling. "I know, nothing that you probably want to talk to me about, but it is a thing. I paid attention in my classes in med school!"

"I'm certain you did, Henrik. But I don't think it's quite time for my period yet. You know that my cycle is still a little wonky from the miscarriage, so it always seems to be a surprise when I get it." He nodded, hating that he had made a misstep by bringing up something that unintentionally reminded her of their loss. From the smile she gave him, he knew that she had already made the connection, and he lowered his eyes to keep from tearing up. "Henrik, it's okay. If we talk about it, that means they were real, that they existed, even for a short time. I don't want to forget, okay?"

Raising his head, he saw that she was close to tears, and he nodded as he took a small step forward, closing his arms around her as she rested her head on his chest. "If that's what you want, then that is what we'll do. I just didn't want to hurt you, darling."

"Thank you." He nodded before letting go of her once more, allowing her to open the fridge and rummage around in it, handing him ingredients that he piled on the counter. They worked together well to create their meal, and as it cooked on the stove, Henrik listened to Roxanna turn on the radio before coming back to his side and wrapping her arms around his waist as she started to sway back and forth with him, slow dancing to the beat. There was something so beautiful about this moment in their time together, and he wanted to savor every moment of it, since they didn't often have these perfect bits of time to take like this. Roxanna must have felt the same, because when he went to let go of her so that he could flip the fish, she shook her head, reaching out to do that without even letting him go.

"You're a woman of many talents, Mrs Hanssen," he murmured against her head and she nodded. "I don't know why you chose me, back at Rigden, and again here, but you are probably the best person to ever walk into my life and choose to stay."

"You're like a callous on a clarinetist's thumb, Henrik. You're a part of me, a love that I earned, and every time I rub against it, I am reminded of all that you mean to me." She kissed his cheek before finally stepping away from him and plating up their food. And though it was an odd metaphor, it was one that fit their lives so well, and he smiled as he poured them each a glass of milk, so happy to have her in his life.


	70. Chapter 70

"Are you expecting visitors, Roxy?" Henrik asked as he looked over at his wife. She shook her head, giving him a perplexed look. "And it's a bit late to have random callers. Stay here."

She nodded, grabbing hold of a pillow and crushing it to her chest as she scooted closer to the telephone. He gave her a tight nod as he got to his feet and made his way to the door of their home. Peering out the window, he frowned deeply to see a somewhat familiar male form pacing back and forth on their stoop. And then, the person seemed to know that they were being stared at, and they turned to look at Henrik. Gasping a little, he opened the door and stared at John. "Aren't you going to welcome me in?" he asked, and Henrik nodded dumbly as he swept his hand inwards.

"Henrik? Who is it?"

He looked over towards the sound of Roxanna's voice, able to catch the way her face changed from an open, questioning, look to an expression of mild panic. Hurriedly, she made her way to his side, putting him between her and John. "Hello, Roxanna, it's good to see you again."

"John, it's good to see you." She reached her hand out towards him, allowing him to clasp it. To Henrik's surprise, John lifted it to his lips and kissed the back of it. "I didn't realise you knew that we had moved."

"I heard through the grapevine that you had. It seems that you keep impressing people, Henrik, just like I knew you would. Have you declared a specialty yet, Rox?"

"I have," she replied shortly as Henrik guided them all into the kitchen, putting a kettle on the stove before rummaging around in the cupboard for the tea he thought John would like best. By the time he turned back around, Roxanna was seated at the table, her arms crossed protectively across her chest, staring John down. "I'm sorry that we don't have anything to offer you besides tea."

"That will be fine. I brought us a cake to enjoy, in the hopes that you would allow me in. It's been a while, after all."

"Yes, and some hurtful things were said," he replied as he watched John set the bag on the table, pulling out a medium sized box that contained a chocolate cake. It wasn't until John broke the seal on the box that he allowed himself to relax, realizing how paranoid he was being. John smiled at him as Roxanna popped to her feet and began to gather plates and forks for them to use. "I'll get the knife," he said lowly as he ran his hand along the knife block, choosing an appropriate blade to use.

Roxanna was actually trembling when she slipped past him to get out mugs, and he rubbed her arm lightly, trying to offer her support. She gave him a small smile as she hooked the mugs onto her fingers, and he nodded a little, trying to let her know that everything would be all right. "So, John, what have you been up to?" she asked placidly as she sat back down across from him, trying to appear open and neutral. Henrik was pleased that she was putting on a better act than he was, and he settled in the seat next to her before cutting into the cake, plating it for them.

"I've managed to find a good hospital that is allowing me to train and do my research simultaneously. I must admit, it's a difficult balance to find, since I want to really delve into my research, but my mentor thinks that the better my skills are, the better my research will turn out to be." There was a faint note of displeasure in John's voice, and Henrik couldn't help but wonder if John felt like he was being held back from his true potential, but he smiled a little and nodded as the kettle began to whistle. Before either of them could get up, John had risen to his feet, grabbing the kettle and pouring water into each of their cups before handing them the tea balls. "I see that you both still drink my favourite tea."

"It's a good blend," Roxanna said as she twirled the ball around in her mug. "And I'm glad that you've managed to find a place that can help you fulfill your passion. Henrik and I are finding ourselves similarly fulfilled here in Wyvern. Though I do wish that I had been able to find a position at Holby City General."

"We can't have everything in this world, much to my dismay." John gave her a winning smile, and to his surprise, he felt Roxanna relax against him, no longer trembling quite as badly as she had been. "I truly was sorry to hear about your father's passing, Roxanna. Now Henrik is the only one of us to have living parents."

This small revelation about John's past helped to explain a little of his actions, and Henrik found himself nodding as he picked at his cake. "Oh, John, I never knew that! When did your parents pass?" Roxanna reached across the table to take hold of John's hand, letting out a sympathetic sigh as she ran her thumb back and forth over his knuckles.

"When I was a child. My sister took care of me until I went to college." She nodded a little, cocking her head to one side as she gave John a sad smile. "It was hard, of course, but we made it through somehow."

"That's what we do, isn't it?" John nodded as he gently pulled his hand away from Roxanna's so that he could pick up his mug and take a sip of tea. "I'm really glad that you sought us out, John. I feel like we've managed to reconcile our differences tonight."

He nodded, but Henrik noticed that the smile he gave them didn't quite reach his eyes. But seeing as how they were actually getting along, he decided not to comment on that, or on the letter he had sent them before their wedding, in order to keep the peace for now. Settling back in his chair, he pulled out the tea ball before bringing the brew to his lips and sipping at it. "This has been one of my better decisions, yes," he replied as he looked at them both. "So, any plans for little ones in the future?"

Roxanna's fork clattered to the table and Henrik instinctively reached over and covered her hand with his. "That is the plan, yes. Though we don't know for certain when we'll receive that blessing." His words were short, clipped, but he knew that John had no way of knowing about the miscarriage. His friend furrowed his brow as he looked between them, comprehension dawning on his face as he reached across the table and picked up Roxanna's other hand, squeezing it tightly.

"I am so sorry for my unthinking words, Rox. Please, forgive me?"

"You had no way of knowing about our loss, John. But I really hope that we can add to our little family soon enough. Henrik's going to ask Maja to bring Fredrik here, once we've settled in a bit. And how about you? Is there a special someone in your life?"

John gave him an inscrutable look before he turned his gaze to Roxanna, the look never changing. For some reason, Henrik knew that John was hiding something with regards to his feelings, but he didn't quite know what that was, so he kept quiet again, instead filing that bit of information away for a time when he could more thoroughly explore what that might mean.


	71. Chapter 71

Henrik woke up shortly before Roxanna and he took the opportunity to sit up and study her still form. In the last three weeks, she had complained about putting on another pound or two, and he wanted to take a good look at her, to be able to allay her fears about something being wrong, even though she felt perfectly fine. Shoving the duvet to the foot of the bed, he gently turned her onto her back, his eyes roaming up and down her frame. The first thing he noticed was that her breasts looked a bit fuller, which got him thinking about reasons why that might be. As his eyes travelled downwards, he took in the gentle rise of her stomach, seeing how it had softened a little, the gentle rise there reminding him instantly of the first time she had told him that they were expecting a child.

Sucking in a shallow breath, Henrik felt a silly grin spread across his face as he bent down over her stomach, pressing his lips to the hope that he found there. She stirred a little at the soft touch, and he stretched out alongside her body once more, staring at her face as her eyes fluttered open. "Good morning, darling."

"Good morning," he replied, scoring his fingers through her hair. "How did you sleep?"

"Any night spent in your arms is a good night, Henrik. I feel like I get better sleep with you here." Smiling, she leaned in and kissed him softly. "And we both have the day off. How are we going to fill the morning?"

"Well, seeing as how it's Sunday, I thought we could go to church, lunch, and then come home to enjoy ourselves." He waggled his eyebrows at her, causing her to giggle, and then she was turning over and curling herself around him. "Roxanna?"

"You don't really want to go to church with me. You don't get anything out of it, and I don't want to force you to waste your time when you could be catching up on reading or working on a paper for publication." She caressed his face gently before kissing him once more. "But I would enjoy having you by my side, nonetheless."

"That's why I suggested it, darling. And it's only an hour of my time, which is spent with you, so that could never be a waste." He gave her another smile before tugging on a hunk of her hair and then slipping from the bed. "I'll go take a shower, if you want to start getting ready."

Roxanna nodded as she sat up, drawing her knees to her chest as she watched him walk over to the bathroom door. "Henrik?"

He paused, turning to look at her, wondering if now was when she'd reveal her news, and he smiled at her encouragingly. "Yes?"

"I love you."

He dipped his chin in acknowledgement, the smile on his face softening. "I love you, too, Roxanna." He watched her touch her stomach lightly, and he fought to keep his face neutral, knowing that he didn't want to jinx anything at that moment, since there was that chance this could pan out to be nothing, and he had gotten his hopes up for no reason. "Pick out my suit for the day, will you?"

"Of course."

He nodded and then made his way over to the bathroom, disrobing and folding his clothes neatly on the counter before stepping into the shower and letting the hot water wash down on his body. He knew that it was going to be so difficult to keep his thoughts to himself, as he wanted to shout to the world that they were going to be parents. "I'm going to be a papa again," he whispered to himself. "And this time I'll get to hold onto my child from the moment they're here."

Humming under his breath, he washed his body, picturing their future child. He seriously wanted it to be a girl, who looked like a perfect copy of his wife, with maybe a few hints of his mother blended in. After all, that would mean his two favorite women were represented in his future, and that thought made him incredibly happy. Finally, he knew that he had to get out of the shower, and he turned the water off before stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around his torso. Picking up another towel, he wiped the mirror clean of steam before watching his reflection as he dried his hair. He couldn't help but notice that there was a newly relaxed look about his face, and he hoped that Roxanna wouldn't pick up on that, since he didn't want to let on that he knew something was up with her. Wiping his hand across his face, he put on a more placid expression before traipsing across the hall and into the bedroom.

"Just in time! If you want to dress, I need to run and use the bathroom." She pressed her lips to his cheek before hurrying from the bedroom, and he chuckled a little as he watched her go, dropping the towel and stepping into his boxers before picking the towel up and draping it across the doorknob as he quickly dressed. He grinned to see that Roxanna had chosen a shirt that would match her dress. He had found that he really liked when they had coordinating outfits, since it was a subtle way to affirm that they were a couple, and she was always good at playing up the subtlety.

As he was adjusting his tie, he heard Roxanna come in, and he smiled as he turned to look at his wife. There was a small glow that haloed her face, and he sighed a little as she came up to his side, resting her head against his arm as they looked at each other in the mirror. "Are you ready to head out?"

"I think so, though I want to grab a bagel to nibble on while you drive to the church." He nodded and turned his head so that he could kiss her temple, breathing in the scent of her perfume as he did so. "You should probably grab something, too, Henrik. Breakfast is so important."

"I'll make certain to take a banana, darling," he replied as he took hold of her hand and they went out to the kitchen. Henrik smiled as she grabbed his banana, tossing it to him before getting her bagel and then picking up her purse and pulling her head towards the door. "That eager to be out?"

"Yes, because it looks like a gorgeous day, and if we leave now, we can walk and still be on time." He chuckled as he nodded, pulling his keys off the ring and following her outside, locking the door after them. Roxanna was right, it was splendid outside, and he peeled his banana, eating slowly as they made their way down the pavement. There was something soothing about this time, and he could easily imagine them pushing a pram towards the park in a few months. Letting out a contented sigh, he finished his banana and threw the peel away in the first rubbish bin they passed.

"So, what do you say to having John over for supper again? It was nice to have him over, even if it was a short visit."

"I might be all right with that, yes. And he did bring a delicious cake." Roxanna smiled up into his face as she took hold of his hand, threading their fingers together as they continued along. "The three musketeers are almost back in action." He nodded and squeezed her hand, hoping that the days ahead would be filled with this happiness.


	72. Chapter 72

Henrik had spent a long time searching for the perfect first anniversary gift for Roxanna. He knew that the traditional gift was something paper related, and had hunted down a first edition book of Roxanna's favorite poet, Mary Oliver. There had been a few to choose from, and in the end had chosen the one that contained the poem she had shared with him. 'Wild Geese' had broken his heart in a way that he couldn't quite put his finger on, but the fact that she shared that same heartbreak helped make it a more bittersweet ache.

He had hidden the book and card in his work locker, knowing that Roxanna would find it if he left it home, and that even though he had to work the day of their anniversary, he had the following morning off, so they could sleep in a little. And now, he was finally heading home, gift in hand, knowing that the time they had together was going to be so special. He had already sent flowers to her at St James's, and he hoped that those had pleased her as well. Smiling to himself, he headed out to his car, nodding to a few of his colleagues as he went.

"Good afternoon, darling."

Henrik's breath caught in his throat, and he peered into the car, seeing Roxanna in the passenger seat. "I didn't realise that you were coming here, Roxy," he said as he climbed behind the wheel, making certain to set his satchel between the door and the seat so that she couldn't snoop through it.

"Well, I had an appointment here this afternoon, so I just popped out here when it was over. It was nice to catch a short nap before we head home." He nodded as he leaned over and kissed her cheek softly. "I'll start supper once we arrive home, and you can relax on the sofa until it's ready. And I loved the flowers, Henrik. Thank you for remembering my favorites."

He blushed as he shrugged, pulling out of his spot and then merging with traffic for the short drive home. "I have a good memory for detail, and I like observing people. It helps in so many different situations." She nodded as she settled back in the seat. He couldn't help but notice that her hands protectively sat atop her stomach, and he smiled at the sight. "Though I don't remember you mentioning an appointment. Is everything all right?"

"Perfectly all right, my love. It was just a small checkup, and I was proven right about something I had been thinking for a few weeks now." She glanced over at him and the smile on her face lit him up inside. "Happy anniversary, Henrik."

"Happy anniversary, Roxanna." The rest of the drive was quiet, though he almost swore that he could feel her thinking about something, as it filled the air in the vehicle with a slight buzzing. Finally, though, they were home, and he pulled into his parking spot. "All right, in we go," he said, watching Roxanna get out of the car and head towards the door. It was a fairly warm October afternoon, so neither were wearing a coat, and the jumper she had on pulled tightly across the beginnings of a bump that neither of them had spoken about yet. Everything in him wanted to ask, to prod, but still he was cautious, remembering the last time they had breathed the word baby to life. She paused on the stoop to turn and wave him over, and he nodded as he tumbled from the car and jogged over to her side and wrapped her up in a tight hug before unlocking their door and letting them in.

"All right, go relax in the living room. It's going to take me a good two hours to get everything ready," she said as she gently pushed him in that direction. He nodded and went into the living room, setting his bag on the coffee table, carefully pulling out her present and setting it on the table. Then he picked up his notepad and began to write a letter to Maja and Fredrik, telling his son about how their jobs were going, and that they missed him immensely. To Maja, he wrote about the possibility of Fredrik coming to stay with them for a few months. It would be rather difficult, he knew, adding a baby to the mix, but it would be nice for his son to get to know his sibling as soon as possible, so that they could bond before he inevitably had to return back to Sweden.

The time passed rather quickly, and he breathed in the delicious scents that wafted over to him, knowing that she was making their favorite meal. It didn't take long before she was coming into the living room and holding her hand out to him. He clasped it tightly, pulling himself to his feet as he picked up her gift and followed her into the dining room. At his place on the table, he noticed a photograph and he set Roxanna's gift down next to her place before taking a seat and picking up the stiff paper. "Roxanna?" he murmured as he looked at the grainy picture in his hands, knowing that it was their baby, but not certain what he was looking at.

"I wanted to wait until I was out of the first trimester to tell you, to tell anyone. I knew, when John came to visit us that I was pregnant, and I didn't want to spoil the surprise by saying something then, because it was too soon. Happy anniversary, darling. We're going to be parents."

He nodded slowly, watching her come over to his side and lift her jumper upwards, revealing the soft rise of her baby bump. Reaching out, he rested his hand on her skin, feeling the softness of her skin, allowing his tears to roll down his cheeks as he knelt down and then placed his cheek against the bump, smiling as Roxanna raked her fingers through his hair, humming softly. "This is probably the best gift you could have given me, my love. It certainly puts my gift to shame. When are you due?"

"Around the first of March, give or take a few days. And another thing, you're going to have a daughter. Here, let me show you how we found that out this afternoon. I wasn't supposed to have another ultrasound until my next checkup, but I forgot to get a print out of the sonogram. And so when I went back today, the tech was able to point out to me all the features about her."

Her. Their daughter. Their daughter was growing inside Roxanna, and he let out a soft sigh as got to his feet and wrapped his arms around her tightly, pressing his lips to her forehead. "We're having a girl, Roxanna. A beautiful little girl who will look like you and my mother, and will be so perfect and so loved."

"That was kind of the plan. And now I don't know when I want Freddie here. Now, so that he can see his baby sister developing in me, or after she's born, so that he can bond with her. I know that Maja won't let him be here for a full year, so I'm trying to decide on how selfish I want to be."

"I know, I've been wrestling with how long we should have Freddie here, too, since I want him here for a long time, now more than ever. But I'll ask her when the best time would be, and we'll go from there?"

"That sounds perfect, Henrik," she replied before pulling away from him and taking her seat. "Now eat before it grows cold, okay?" He nodded and took a seat, finding himself suddenly ravenous. All his hopes were starting to come to fruition, and he couldn't wait to see what their future held.


End file.
